This is going to be a short post but I’m looking for advice. What do you do when you know someone is lying?
I know this probably depends a lot on what they’re lying about. I don’t want to give a lot of details but it has to do with drama in my family. Someone said something untrue about me and I was so hurt I just distanced myself from everyone for about a month. But now I’ve come around and shared my side of the story and all I feel is anger.
I have no way of proving this person is lying. It’s really her word against mine and it’s affecting other relationships in my family.
I’m feeling pretty miserable and I’m hoping in time I can just move on. I shared my story and I don’t think there’s anything else I can do. I plan on limiting my contact with this person.
Any advice? Stories? Words of encouragement?
Well, there is one thing I can do — write poetry.
Broken
A broken boundary,
a broken reputation,
a broken heart –
my wavering respect for you
now rests in the rubble.
I’m choosing my health
over the unsupportive people
in my life.
There’s no meeting in the middle
with your venomous lies.
Your fangs punctured
my frazzled brain.
A morsel of truth
has yet to be found
in the space you occupy.
One day at a time,
then two weeks,
now five months –
my will is tough but trampled.
Never more painful
and never again.
Savor the bitter taste
of your own shortcomings.
Some relationships
just aren’t worth fighting for.
Words of encouragement and commiseration.
That sounds like a really shittty situation and I don’t know what else to say.
Sometimes it is very difficult, but there are lots of situations where ordinary forgiveness is a useful technique.
When people show me who they really are, I take what they show me at face value and if it turns out they lied on me I no longer have anything to do with them. Polite if I have to be around them, but thats it. Lying is something I wont tolerate. The fact that they lied about you shows they dont care for or respect you. This is one reason why I havent talked to one of my brothers for years now. He has over the years shown that he has no respect for me. Poisonous people like that gotta go.
Families can be so toxic. You’d think people would give their best to their families, but so many people save their worst selves for the ones closest to them.
You’re working with a therapist who should understand all your family dynamics. This would be ideal to bring to them. There are so many details in any family relationship that I don’t feel as if I know enough to tell you what would be best to do. Depending on the situation and what the extended family believes/how they act, it could be anything from “let it go” to going nuclear and asking in front of the group why that person is deliberately lying about you and what their goal is.
If anybody ask about it or mentions it, tell them clearly and as calmly as you can manage that it is a lie. No more, no less. Keep doing that as long as it takes.
I think that those with some life experience will hear that you are telling the truth.
Also I have to second StonedRanger@3. If people casually lie about significant things, they are not trustworthy. Life’s too short to keep them around.
txpiper @2: Examples, please?
Any offense can be forgivable.
The hard thing to realize about forgiveness is that the primary beneficiary is the forgiver, not the offender.