Michael DeCorte, centres, adopts an upward dog pose alongside Salmaan Sayeed, left, and Howie Track at Toronto’s Moksha Yoga studio. (Chris Young/The Canadian Press)
Bro-yoga. Broga. Jock yoga. Jo-yoga. Yep, gotta dress it up all stupid and toxic macho, that way it just does the best for da dudes. And, they won’t be distracted by women in lycra.
“Yoga is more than just women contorting themselves into vegan pretzels,” says Michael DeCorte, the Toronto “man-treprenuer” behind Jock Yoga, an athletic mashup that combines the mindfulness of sun salutations with the muscle burn of pumping iron.
Right, women doing yoga isn’t yoga at all, it’s just women being all frilly and silly. It doesn’t have any benefits at all, no. Well, not until the carnivorous, beer swilling men get into it. Then it’s good. (There’s beer after class.)
“Originally, it was just a gimmick,” says DeCorte. “When I first saw it on a poster, it was almost like an oxymoron … You see yoga and think, ‘spiritual,’ and jock you think, ‘laid-back, swearing, burping.”‘
You know, all my life, ‘jock’ has applied to athletes. I had no idea there was a complete shift to “laid back, swearing, and burping”. I have no idea of how much these people are charging for the special homosocial yoga, but I expect a regular yoga class might be cheaper, and just exercising around women won’t have any deleterious effects. You can go and read the full silliness here.
Huh, might actually have some beneficial effects, such as increased exposure to women in ordinary situations, thus making them less mythical and mystical; might even start seeing them as human beings one day!
Shouldn’t have culturally appropriated it and turned it into a “girly thing” in the first place.
“Jock yoga” abbreviates, to my ear, as “Jokah”.
May their hair turn green and Batman beat them up, over and over again.
Saad @ 2:
*Imagines the sputtering responses this would garner.*
Not just any girly thing either. Woosters are universally pretty white waifs. You have to be the right kind of girly in order to achieve nirvana.
Or… something.
When I first did yoga, over thirty years ago, it was about exercise, strength, flexibility.
No woo.
No spandex.
That wasn’t Real Yoga (TM). Sorry. ;)
They’re going for a recovery operation. Cleansing away the girl cooties by offering beer (which is backfiring, as per the last yoga studio mentioned in the article:
Of course, it’s all about women trying to keep up with men, not, you know, enjoying some challenging exercise followed by a beer.
… Although on the surface, “a similar, no-nonsense fitness-based approach to yoga” sounds like a pretty good deal, if they’re focussing on the exercise and doling out less of the woo. Unfortunately, it seems that this rational approach is being catered to (obviously rational!!) men. Because everyone knows women aren’t rational.
It’s the cooties. They block incoming, and distort outgoing, rationality.
Beards are said to have an opposite effect, attracting incoming, and enhancing outgoing, rationality. However, the tendency of priests (e.g.) to have beards suggests otherwise, especially since they aren’t (supposedly) contaminated by cooties (keeping away from those icky wimmin).
One hypothesis is there are two sorts of beards (more probably, a spectrum), cootie-like and cootie-unlike. Priests have the cootie-like beards (which doesn’t mean they like cooties, only that the beard does the same thing to rationality as cooties do).
That hypothesis suggests there could be cootie-less, and hence possibly rational, women. Alleged sightings have indeed been made, and then devoured by trolls.
That’s it. I’ve failed to cash in on fragile masculinity for long enough. It’s time to start up the following companies…
Brolet -- ballet classes for dudes.
Broghurt -- because men need to poop regularly just as much as Jamie Lee Curtis.
Brawn Mantenance -- because why not make lawn maintenance even more manly?
Manpons -- while mostly for trans men who are encouraged to embrace the worst of toxic masculinity ( http://freethoughtblogs.com/frontier/2016/06/06/passing-trans-men-and-toxic-masculinity/ ), they can also be a way for cis men to buy tampons for their significant others without collapsing into a gelatinous fear of association with anything society codes as female.
Jockghurt -- because Broghurt is too whimpy.
Zumbro -- hey, dudes wanna dance to fitness too!
The Dude Fairy -- so Dad can rest assured little Timmy’s tooth is being taken by a manly man who will leave a cold brewski under the pillow.
Toilet Papbro -- five plies and rough as sandpaper.
Tabby Lavalamp@#10:
Please see our delivery team to arrange dropping off your broternet.
The Rock just might reprise his most famous role for this version.
Unfortunately, the toilet paper’s already been done, though I’m sure if you collaborate with them and just do a simple branding change, you can still get a little bit rich.
About the manpons, though -- once the men buy them, how are cis women supposed to use them? Aren’t they too masculine for the wimminz now?
Marcus
Ha! I’ve been using the manternet for years already!
I am deeply in favour of a broternet/manternet that is distinct and separate from the internet.
Tabby @ 14:
Yes. Yes, I am too.
Now that you mention it, me
toothree!I’m also all for separate manly
safe spacesstomping grounds.Hey everyone!
Robert Bly aten’t dead!
Oh, Bly. Someone else I thought was dead. Perhaps he should get together with Schlafly.
I remember back, around 1979, when my girlfriend started wearing a button that read: “if we can send one man to the moon, why can’t we send them all?”
She said she wasn’t kidding but I’ve only recently realized that she wasn’t kidding about not kidding.
Marcus:
Well, hey, you got it. Eventually. Now, about the broternet / manternet, of course all the weak, feminist mangina types of men can stay on the internet. We just want all the manly man assholes off on their own cavenet, where they will feel all safe and secure and stuff.
The wimpnet / broternet / femnazinet / manternet / longpignet is a minor sideshow. What’s needed is a penguinetcheesevinet. With MUSHROOMS!
I now feel the need to apologize to women on behalf of all men everywhere… again. This is happening more and more these days.
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Pierce R. Butler says @ 3;
Even better, Wonder Woman (I imagine she’ll be extra careful not to break them like dry twigs… any more than strictly necessary, anyway) -- I’m sure the Bat wouldn’t mind…
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Caine @ 21;
If it is a choice between being a ‘mangina’ and thus a decent, principled feminist human being (who happens to be a bloke) on the one hand, and being a toxic, misogynistic arsehat who lives in a constant state of fear of (and hatred for) half the species (and probably the better half at that) on the other, then sign me up for my ‘mangina and proud’ T-shirt post haste!
Heck, I might wear the sentiment in the form of a collar or even get it tattooed onto me… if the right lady were to ask me… but that is a separate topic nobody here wants to hear too much about I’m sure.
An internet free of manly man, dudebro arsehattery is hard to imagine but would be wonderful to experience. And with the misogynists condemned to their own ninth circle of dude-net hell full of virtual gyno-slaves and all the other toxic junk their testosterone poisoned minds can dream up, the rest of humanity might actually be able to move forwards and build a better tomorrow -- it’s a win-win.
A tattooed collar covers all bases. Excep the t-shirt, but since you’re likely to be a slave to feminists, I’m pretty sure there’s a mandatory no-t-shirt rule for all men.
rq @ 24;
Two birds with one stone -- efficient. I like it.
Curse you, blockquote, why hast thou forsaken me!