Hold My Beer: Tucker Carlson Comes to John Kelly’s Rescue

Well, we’ve covered John Kelly enough. Though I am, as I said, relieved that the media world is piling on the ignorant, racist man for his statements, the time has come to set aside stupid, racist statements from famous people and …

…wait. Hold on. The teletype is clacking away as we speak, more info in a moment.

Oh My Freuding Freud. Tucker Carlson, WHAT HAVE YOU DONE?


I try. FSM knows I try. I speak up when misinformation gets into the public eye – and quite frequently, too. I also do longer analysis, sometimes breaking down exactly how and why we should be disdainful of a particular misstatement, sometimes simply writing important background (like that piece on gun rights and originalism that I have yet to finish). And yet, despite all this information at his fingertips, all the helpful analysis to which he has access here at Pervert Justice, Tucker Carlson continues to be Tucker Carlson.

And yet, even if you can believe that he hasn’t bettered himself reading the informative posts here at this humble blog, even if you expected another very Tucker Carlson-y night on Tucker Carlson’s show, you might very well be shocked at this latest, as shocked as you were that that racist sheriff in Louisiana went off on how he hates the statewide sentencing reforms because he’s really going to miss all the slave labor.

Carlson hosted his guest Mark Krikorian tonight (1 November) to discuss how our current (this will be important in a moment) immigration policy is hurting the America, which, as we all know, is the only America and is the one contained by 48 states, plus sometimes Alaska when absolutely necessary, but not those commie islands where they let Black people post birth announcements in the local papers and even give them birth certificates*1. The too had a jolly good time talking about how people who arrive on the shores of America from far away are generally worthless*2. And then came the question and answer that will forever define the new low point for televised public policy discourse in the USA, and that will also set the new standard for extreme racist, arrogant ignorance.

Here is Tucker Carlson, in all his glory, doing his best to make sure that everyone forgets the ignorance and racism of that Kelly fellow, with this monumental achievement:

“Has any policy in American history hurt African-Americans more than our immigration policy?” Carlson asked Krikorian, who promptly replied, “no.”

…and now we have to point out that he’s very clearly discussing “our immigration policy” as it actually exists in this moment. He gets no points for the existence of slave ships involuntarily bringing Black folk to the US from Africa many, many years ago.

It’s getting so that when I hear these things I start to picture this:


Seriously. It’s so bad, I’m almost starting to feel sorry for these right wing idiots.

Don’t let me, though, okay? Friends don’t let friends tolerate racist ignorance.

*1: willy-nilly, without even checking to see if the father is a famous civil rights agitator OR if the baby born in a local hospital, with doctors signing the paperwork that said, yes, this baby was born right here on the premises, might not have actually been born in Kenya before the mom flew quickly to Hawaii just to fake the giving birth thing on not-quite-American-soil.

*2: To which we might say there is a wee bit of truth to that, in the sense that worthless people have done that before, but not in the sense that some significant percentage of people arriving on American shores are worthless. Also, could we please take this opportunity to get your take on Columbus Day?


  1. says

    “Has any policy in American history hurt African-Americans more than our immigration policy?” Carlson asked Krikorian, who promptly replied, “no.”

    I just started and deleted about 6 nasty comments about Carlson. None of them were evocative enough. I’m just incoherently sputtering contempt.

  2. Crip Dyke, Right Reverend Feminist FuckToy of Death & Her Handmaiden says


    Yeah. It’s so bad, I just can’t come up with condemnation strong enough.

    Maybe … Tucker Carlson delenda est?

  3. cartomancer says

    It should really be “delendus est” for Tucker Carlson, since the gerundive is an adjective and thus needs to agree in gender with the subject, which in this case is masculine. Mind you, he gets everything else wrong, so it seems strangely appropriate that even the rules of grammar get mangled close to the event horizon of such willful ignorance.

  4. Crip Dyke, Right Reverend Feminist FuckToy of Death & Her Handmaiden says

    Thanks, cartomancer! I’ve never studied latin, just gotten a bunch of random things drilled into my head through personal reading, my ethics and psychology degree studies, and law school. So appropriate or not, it was my ignorance, not Carlson’s, that caused that mistake.

    I really appreciate you helping me out with my woeful latin.

  5. cartomancer says

    It’s one of the few things that makes Classicists like me feel vaguely useful in the world!

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