Recently, there was a very short documentary entitled “I’m Graysexual” (no longer available), featuring a man about my age, and using the same identity as I do: gay and greysexual. He does nothing more than briefly explain his personal experience, which is somewhat different from my own, and as I said, it’s very short.
What was particularly significant to me was not what was said, but what was unsaid. Specifically, the documentarian chose a stream of clips that imply close interaction with urban gay culture. He walks around what appears to be West Hollywood (the gay neighborhood in Los Angeles). He hangs out at gay nightclubs, watching go-go boys. He looks quizzically at packaged dildos, racks of porn videos, Grindr. This is all incredibly familiar to me.
I often feel like I’m the only ace who interacts with that kind of gay male culture. This is not surprising: this is only one of many gay cultures, the ace community is dominated by women, and not all ace men are homoromantic, gay, or bi. But even among those in the right demographics, I often hear that ace men simply aren’t willing to put up with it.