Being involved with FtB has made me really curious —

How are atheists treated where you live?

Living in a more conservative area of the US I don’t always feel safe speaking openly and I know very few atheists in real life (three to be exact but two moved out of the area). I’ve learned living here that it’s easier to just let people assume you’re a Christian even though it feels miserable.

I know that there are places where atheists are the majority and are living openly and safe, but then I know there are places where you can be sentenced to death if you are believed to be an atheist.

Where does your home fall on the spectrum?

I love writing poetry and atheism is a topic I visit frequently in my poems. Many of my poems are imaginative which sometimes creates an interesting juxtaposition. I write about common sense, the bible being a fictional work and logic all in flowery language and fantastical narrative. Sometimes my poems are really out there.

However, I also write poems about love, empathy, and resilience, which are also important parts of atheism. I write about my passions and I love being able to share the different aspects of my life as an atheist.

I’m an introvert and definitely not much of a talker. This is why writing is so important to me. It’s a way for me to share my story and connect with others without all the awkwardness and anxiety. I love writing articles and blog posts, but I’m definitely drawn to the freedom and creativity of poetry.

I hope you don’t mind me sharing my poems now and again. It’s nice to have an outlet.

I hate it when someone recovers from a medical condition and god gets all the credit. It’s a miracle! He’s either good or mysterious, right? If I was a doctor that would infuriate me.

But there’s something even worse.

A few years ago, a friend of mine overcame a hardship at work. This friend – who had never been religious in the past – credited god for her success. She said she couldn’t do it on her own so god must have been helping her. Well, obviously she could do it and it’s absolutely heartbreaking that she couldn’t recognize her own inner strength.

People are resilient and should take credit for their personal accomplishments.

Of course, this inspired me to write a poem…

 

You Didn’t Need God

You said you couldn’t do it alone
But you did.
We are all powerful
In our own lives.
Scale that jagged cliff,
Surf those tempest-swept waters–
You are in charge.
You’re secretly surefooted,
Resourceful with undiscovered confidence.
What you think is strength in god
Is really strength within yourself.
You are more capable than you know.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I grew up thinking something was wrong with me. My family has lived in Northwest Ohio since before the Civil War and yet I’ve never felt like I fit in here. My feelings towards religion have always been a glaring difference between me and other people in the area; however, this difference was more painful and destructive in my childhood. Everyone else was obviously seeing something I couldn’t. No one wants to be different as a kid, so I kept my thoughts to myself. (Although, that changed when I was a teenager.)

Skepticism as a Child

It seems like many question the existence of god as an adult, but did any of you question as a child? I have always been skeptical but then again I didn’t have much religious influence from my immediate family growing up. I felt pressure from classmates and their families.

The Struggle of Questioning in Secret

I would go to church with friends and try to “force” myself to believe. My fellow churchgoers were probably unaware of my inner turmoil, but now as an adult, I wonder how many of them were in the same boat. There are more of us than we know. This thought inspired a recent poem of mine:

 

Stuck in the Closet

There are crowds of atheists
cloaked in the long shadows of steeples –
even more than we know.

They swallow the truth
Because they think they have to,
Because maybe they were raised that way.

One, two, ten years
In a dark closet –
Their thoughts echo in the loneliness.

They secretly question as
A tortured mind now liberated
But another voice suppressed.

They’re scared
But even more angry.
I know that innermost turmoil.

Let that anger fuel progress –
A passionate fire that lights the way.
The most liberated life is an honest one.

 

How common is Skepticism?

Humans are curious creatures and skepticism seems natural. You would think questioning god would be a normal part of growing up. It’s unfortunate that feeling skeptical at any age can be a painful experience – no matter how common it really is.

I wish I had the ability to tell everyone that has secretly questioned (including my younger self) that there is absolutely nothing wrong with him or her. Imagine how powerful that would be.

 

Did any of you have a time where you were questioning god in secret? Has being skeptical ever been a painful experience?

I really don’t think it’s anyone’s business what anyone believes in at work, but let’s face it; many people see their beliefs as an important part of their identity. They carry it with them everywhere.

Most people where I work are Christian and they’re not afraid to very openly express their beliefs. There have been more than a few discussions that have left me feeling uncomfortable. I fear discrimination and ridicule so I keep my mouth shut. At the very least, throwing my two cents in would make things extremely awkward, and there’s no escape – I need this job.

There’s been so many times where I felt I should stand up and address the issue – being an advocate in my own life could pave an easier way for local atheists in the future – but I always choose to just go about my business and say nothing.

Sometimes I think that maybe I’m too sensitive and it’s not as big of a deal as I’m making it out to be. However, deep down I fear that’s not the case.

 

How do you guys deal with situations like this at work? Have you ever faced discrimination?

I grew up in rural Northwest Ohio and although my family has lived here for several generations, I’ve always felt like an outsider. I struggled with my feelings towards religion throughout my childhood and frequently dreamed of moving far away.

A Year Abroad Defined My Values

When I was 16, I was given an amazing opportunity to study abroad. I spent one life-changing year in Denmark. When I say life-changing, I really mean it. I’m now 37 and my experiences in Denmark still affect me today. It shaped my values – how I feel about parenting, working, politics, social issues, human rights, and just about everything else.

In Denmark, I met people who were openly atheist for the first time. That had a huge impact on me a few years down the road. I had never met anyone who wasn’t Christian let alone an atheist.

Even though Danes are often known as quiet, I came back to Ohio pretty outspoken. Just knowing there’s a whole big world outside of Ohio gave me confidence. I was counting down the days until I could leave.

My Exchange Year Had Lasting Effects

I had one more painstaking year of high school left when I came back from Denmark. It was the longest year ever. I was constantly protesting at our absurdly conservative “public” school. I even got a detention for walking out during the prayer at one of our football games. I was pretty proud of it. (Still am, actually.)

When I was in my early twenties and finally called myself an atheist, I thought about my experience in Denmark and I knew what I was doing was okay. I knew that there were lots of good people who were atheists – almost a whole country full actually. Just because I don’t fit in at home doesn’t mean it’s wrong.

Now that I’m a mother, I’m really hoping my daughter will get a similar opportunity one day. It would be hard to send her away just like it was for my dad, but I feel it’s an extremely important experience that can potentially shape a person’s future. I just hope we will have the resources at that time to make it happen.

Life Back in Ohio

Today I’m pretty shy. I tend to avoid social situations. I would love to be fearless again like I was as a teenager.

I did leave Ohio but only to return a couple of years later. Now I absolutely love living in Toledo. I have all the opportunities and conveniences of a city but I’m still close to my family in the outlying area. Plus, Toledo’s just a neat place. The city just has this spirit or attitude about it that’s hard to describe – gritty yet hopeful, maybe? We’re in the rustbelt but still kicking.

Sometimes I still feel like an outsider in Ohio, but you know what? This is my home, too, damn it.