My daughter is the best thing that’s ever happened to me. When she entered the world seven years ago she changed everything. However, the stress of motherhood was more than I could have ever imagined. There was no way I could have known what this felt like beforehand and when my baby was born I was jumping in head first. No turning back. Nothing will ever be the same.
Sometimes it’s a relief to know that I’m not alone – there are other parents around me all the time – but I’ve learned that also means everyone has an opinion. Mommy shaming is real and sometimes I wonder if I’m doing things because I think it’s what’s best for my daughter or because I think people will judge me if I don’t.
Stress seems to come in two forms. First, caring that my daughter does well and wanting what’s best for her comes with this particular stress – like worrying about the future or about situations that might never happen. Sometimes it’s motivation to keep me prepared and organized as a mom.
But then there’s this other stress – feeling a burden by the heavy responsibility of parenting. This is where I focus more on myself and my shortcomings. I assume I won’t measure up or I’ll fail my daughter. It feels deep and dark – like I’ll never be able to handle everything and it’s my fault. While feeling this kind of stress is painful, thankfully it’s short-lived because my husband always comes to my rescue.
The stress is real and it’s relentless. Whether it’s good or bad, it all puts my anxiety through the roof.
But I would never give up my role as a mom. On her last day of school before summer break my daughter won an art award at school. I was so excited for her. Art is an interest my daughter and I share and when I get to paint with her it makes everything worth it. Those are the things that really matter.
I literally can’t even remember what life felt like before becoming a mom. I’m not sure if that’s good or bad, but either way, I would never turn back time and go back.
I would love to hear from other parents/relatives/caregivers. Can you relate to the stress, the judgment, the joy, and the times when all those feelings are mixed up together?
I don’t think you can be a good parent without fearing that you’re screwing up. My biggest criticism of my own mother is that she was more invested in feeling like a good parent than in actually finding out how we (her children) were actually doing. If you are honestly and skeptically examining what you are doing, it’s going to be scary at times.
You also have to accept that you are going to screw up. It’s impossible to be a perfect parent, and I’m not sure it would be a good thing even if you could. In a way, making mistakes and having limitations and flaws and then owning up to them is actually a good lesson for your children. You’re showing them how to honestly handle their own mistakes and flaws.