Inspired by the title of Philip
Sandifer’s essay, I felt compelled to filk.
No rights reserved. For pity’s sake, I left quite a few lines
unchanged from the original. I deeply apologize to Leonard Cohen, who
probably has no idea what this is all about.
“First we take their rockets”, to the tune of “First we take
Manhattan”, by Leonard Cohen
They sentenced me to Less-Than-“No Award”-dom
For trying to game the system from within
I’m coming now, I’ll show them “No Award”-dom
First we take their rockets¹, then we bite their shins
I am guided by a voice from out of Heaven
I’m guided by my hatred of their sins
I’m guided by the beauty of our weapons
First we take their rockets, then we bite their shins
I’d really like to vote your ticket, baby
I love your malice and your trolling and your sword²
But you see that crowd there moving into Worldcon?
I told you, I told you, told you, I was only bored
Ah you loved me as a loser, but now you’re worried that I just might win
You know the way to stop me, but you don’t have the discipline
How many nights I prayed for this, to let my work begin
First we take their rockets, then we bite their shins
I don’t like this social justice, mister
And I don’t like those people dark of skin
Don’t need rights for wife or girl or sister
First we take their rockets, then we bite their shins
I’d really like to vote your ticket, baby
And I thank you for those items that you sent me
The ballot and the little rocket pins³
I practiced every night, now I’m ready
First we take their rockets, then we bite their shins
I am guided
Ah remember me, I used to live for music⁴
Remember me, my mouse⁵ was full of win
Well it’s Judgement Day and everybody’s losing
First we take their rockets, then we bite their shins
Notes:
1: The physical form of the Hugo award looks something like this (the
base is different each year):
More info here.
2: Flaming phallic sword.
3: Every Hugo nominee receives a little rocket pin; one per
nomination, as best I can tell. John C. Wright will thus receive 5. It
would perhaps be appropriate if they were accompanied by as many as
necessary to come to 30 pieces of silver
4: Psykosonik, it says there.
5: Yes, the mouse that goes to 11 18…!!
