In the 1920s, we did. Here’s the map.
I see that Minnesota was key, launching a spearhead assault on Fortress Winnipeg. The stuff on the east side of the continent was all about blocking British aid, but there in the middle, look how Minnesotans would just plunge north, all the way up to Baffin Island, because of course we want a barren, rocky, snow-covered bit of tundra with hardly anybody living on it.
I hope someone in defense saw the light of reason, though. Everytime we try to invade Canada, we get our butts kicked. We must learn the lesson of the Revolutionary War, the War of 1812, Canadian Bacon, and South Park: Bigger, Longer, and Uncut.
There’s probably a plan for invading just about any country on Earth, so that if the (incredibly unlikely) unthinkable were to happen they’d have something they could pull off the shelf.
Having contingency plans make a lot of sense. The “Case” plans were developed in the wake of our experience in WWI. The War and Navy Departments developed plans for war against any number of states, allies included.
It should be noted that while we were making plans to invade Canada, the Canadians had plans to invade the United States if war broke out. Defence Scheme Number One envisioned counter-attacks across the length of the border, with a defensive posture around the Great Lakes.
http://www.taoyue.com/stacks/articles/defence-scheme-one.html
I read a Bathroom Reader article about this. It was called War Plan Crimson, and it was actually part of War Plan Red, a plan for war with the British Empire that Canada was still a part of at the time. It wasn’t considered a likely scenario even back then; the US military just didn’t want to be caught off guard. They put a lot more effort into War Plan Orange (war with Japan) and War Plan Black (war with Germany).
I believe the main problem with American invasions of Canada, as depicted even fictionally, is that the vast majority of the American armed forces and the American government are very stupid.
At times, they’ve been routed or defeated by loud noises and the mere threat that there are more of us than you think there are.
May I suggest that, in any subsequent attempt at invasion, you plug your ears, close your eyes and stay at home. Actually, such a policy could be implemented right now to the relief of a great many of this world’s denizens.
If we’re going to Baffin Island, I say we make our Northern Headquarters at the awesomely-named Mount Thor, the highest vertical drop on Earth.
As mentioned, there’s probably a plan for everyone. That goat-staring money has been floating for a while. It’s sure to have been put to some use like that.
Someone should look up the contingency for invading Australia so we can feel special (I picture the scene of flipping through the files and finding one for New Zealand instead. That’d be nationally soul destroying.)
@Brett #1
Just like Batman!
Well, if I had to be a U.S. soldier in an army invading Canada, I would hope to be in that little section heading towards the Caribbean. I bet everyone would. That’s probably why they put so many arrows down there. Canada is pretty much to the north.
My favorite (very Canadian) thing about our sometimes-skirmishing with the Americans. I believe this is Three Dead Trolls In A Baggie, but either way, it’s fun.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aue-zWxYtEc
It’s also totally not a valid reasoning for why Canada won that war, and you guy’s kick the puck out of us now.
As noted above (@#2,@#3), it wasn’t so much invading Canada as attacking the British Empire; therefore, the arrows are pointing to the British possessions in the Caribbean and Central America.
/pedant
It does seem odd that there were so many forces pointing south, though. “Yes, we need to send much of the Navy and Army troopships down to sunny, warm, sandy-beached islands, and maybe a few drinks with umbrellas in *AHEM* … You never know where those Brits might have their fleet…”
Yup, that looks like a plan for a war with the entire British Empire as well as Canada. That’s why there are planned invasions of Canada, the Bahamas, Bermuda, and Jamaica, which were then all British territories but have never been associated with Canada.
I think it’s much more important we have a plan to invade the duchy of Grand Fenwick.
Sorry, I meant to say “That’s why there are planned invasions of Bermuda, the Bahamas, and Jamaica, which were then all British territories but have never been associated with Canada.”
tsk
Southerners.
IIRC the most recent invasion plan dates to the Cold War era, and may even be more detailed than this silly elementary-school fantasy.
And yeah, you want to avoid Baffin Island- the Beaufort Sea has offshore oil and gas. Plenty of tar sands and shale gas along the way, and fresh water too. Which would be the real reason for invasion, not fending off the red hordes.
I note that there is no indication of continuing through Canada to invade the North Pole – thank god we were on good terms with Santa.
If you are going to make your headquarters up north on Baffin Island, wouldn’t Mount Asgard be a more logical choice?
Mount Asgard
Was Grenada a trial run for this until Maggie shouted at St Ronnie?
What? That’s how I’d describe Churchill Square. Or South Edmonton Common.
The population of Baffin Island is just over twice that of Morris, Minnesota. PZ, you’d fit right in, once you got used to the crowds.
I read the Canadian rebuttal to this during high school, so that I could bring it up whenever I needed to infect people with a horribly implausible result (hint: Canada wins).
Exxoneration
http://www.amazon.ca/Exxoneration-Richard-Rohmer/dp/0771077025
Canadian response: shut down the American government with undercover Republicans. Ted Cruz is technically Canadian, after all.
“…of course we want a barren, rocky, snow-covered bit of tundra with hardly anybody living on it.”
I thought Minnesota already HAD that.
But the syndicated columnist Pat Buchanan has suggested that as long as Putin is annexing Ukraine, we might as well annex Canada. Evidently two wrongs DO make a right.
South Edmonton Common
Kind like WestEd but with more cars.
Remember how Hitler invaded Russia?
Remember how Napoleon did too?
Canada would be much worse. Stay away. Fear us.
We are Canadian.
We had a counter plan. So far it’s working perfectly.
has everyone forgotten “54 40 or fight”?
Remember that prior to WW1, it was hardly a given that we would end up on the side of Great Britain (and Canada) as opposed to on the side of the Germans. That, and, we have plans for every possible war against any country or combination of countries on Earth.
That’s right. Stay away from our one gun or you’ll go blind.
chigau, I actually like WEM. I should turn in my local Edmontonian card.
Fort Igloo will hold them off! Load the Poutine Cannons!
Oh yeah? What about Luxembourg allied with Tuvalu? Lithuania and Eritrea?Or Chile, Vatican City, and the Grenadines minus Saint Vincent?
We’re a cheddar-loving province. I hope we don’t gum up the works.
Anthony K @29:
Does Canada still keep its submarine fleet there?
Once you take Winnipeg, all of Canada will inevitably fall!
…rather than invading the British empire, couldn’t we just blockade their shipments of unnecessary vowels until they collapsed?
Can you imagine the insurgency that would result from an invasion of Canada? (Boggles)
At least it’d make for new military aphorisms. Like “never fight a land war in North America” or “how to win a land war in North America: be Canadian”
No, I they decommissioned those. It turns out surface vessels are perfectly adequate for the level of maritime security that mall requires. Unfortunately, the WEM fleet continues to age and requires major overhauling if it wants to avoid complete obsolescence.
“We’ll never surrender to you Yanks, on or off the ice!”
“We’ve got DNS codes so you can get American Netflix.”
“Friend! Buddy! Pal! There’s beer in the fridge! Make yourself at home!”
I’d surrender and I’m not even Canadian.
Many years ago I knew a fellow who had attended the Air Force Academy for a few years. He described how they spent weekends traveling around the world playing war games, including global nuclear holocaust. I would assume Mexico has been a part of similar scenarios repeatedly. The DoD probably has scenarios for invading different parts of the US, which has happened before though with more success than invading Canada.
But we did invade Canada during the Revolutionary War, and again during the War of 1812.
And Irish veterans of the Civil War invaded Canada. Twice. It was some hair-brained scheme to free Ireland by conquering Canada.
The Pentagon has all sort so invasion plans. But they are contingencies in case something unexpected happens and military action is now required. That way we don’t have to rush in without a plan or spend huge amounts of time making one before we can act.
It’s not necessary to invade Canada when there’s already a government in power that can run the place as U.S. plutocrats see fit. Now if the NDP unexpectedly won a majority, took power, and then proceeded to end the production of that oil from those tar sands, then those plans might get dusted off a bit. Oh, and the U.S. agri-corporations thank their friendly Canadian ConservaTories for finally doing in the Wheat Board. Well done. ::golf clap::
Ding! Ding! Ding!
Two likely scenarios:
a) America’s main aquifers dry up (a matter not of “if” but “when”), and thanks to Climate Change, the gulf stream moves north just enough to end the plains rains forever. Canada will have the water the US will then require. And we know what happens when any peoples stand in front of a resource the US requires.
b) Fracking finally peters out (it will sooner than many expect) and hydrocarbons must flow under US control. From the GWN, if necessary.
Brett @ #1 gets it right.
It is the nature of the military to create plans for fighting, invading, neutralizing and/or defeating any nation, state, or combination thereof. The less likely the need the sketchier the plans can be.
It is the contingent and modular nature of plans that any specific part can be reused in other places and times. A plan to transport a division, with thousands of troops, and many thousands of tons of equipment and supplies, several thousand miles can be used , with modifications, anywhere and any time. And a plan to carry troops and military supplies can certainly be rewritten to move relief supplies and workers. We saw this in Haiti after the earthquake where an air force team moved all the gear necessary to open an international airport and had it up and running in hours.
Mobius @41:
How’s that worked for you in the last, let’s say, fourteen years or so? :)
On the other hand, rushing in without a plan has worked remarkably well for Halliburton et al.
The scary part about the map is that while it looks like the Americans were just planning to waltz into Canada everywhere else, they were determined to squash Halifax on the east coast like a bug.
I’ve heard on several occasions that the US and the UK came close to war in the 1930’s, The Anglo-American War, but have never been able to find any details or what the tension was.
When I think of the Canadian Military I think of the unit who shared a troop ship with my father when he was deployed to Korea: Princess Patricia’s First Light Infantry.
He said they were a tough group of bastards.
The cynic in me says if US invaded Canada, the overly polite Canadians would help them set up posts, and point them to the local Tim Horton’s for coffee, donuts, and poutine, where the US troops would be stupefied by the endless curling on TV. The Canadians would then ship the non-functional troops back to the US.
I have a soft place in my heart for the PPCLI.
weatherwax @48: The 48th Highlanders and the Van Doos (Royal 22nd Regiment) weren’t no slouches either.
Hell, a Canadian can kick an American invasion’s ass and be totally forgotten. Stan Rogers: McDonnell on the Heights https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=R5_zvuPw8xU is a lovely song.
I had no idea of the strategic significance of Sault Ste. Marie in protecting us from the American hordes. I have to be nicer to the people there.
Anyway, this is not just a matter of history, the Americans are still testing the borders with armed invaders.
Canada had its own plan for doing a number on the US called Defense Scheme 1
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Defence_Scheme_No._1
Apparently it was hatched with a couple of senior officers going on a vacation to the US in the 1920’s.
That said it wouldn’t do the US any good to invade Canada, they’d have to contend with all those hockey players, and the 4 million plus Canadians already in the US. And those curlers, they’re just brutal. Just ask your on University of Minnesota curling team about the last bonspiel with University of Manitoba.
#51 Rob Grigjanis: “The 48th Highlanders and the Van Doos (Royal 22nd Regiment) weren’t no slouches either.”
Yeah, but you know they’re gonna be tough. But Princess Patricia’s?
Sir, Intel shows The Princess Patricia’s First Light Infantry have mobilized. They should be here by dawn.
Damn, we’ll have to requisition some more scones for the tea.
I often wonder if we’d have been better off if Canada had joined with us at some point. Would they provide the vital tipping mass to move us away from conservative crazies, or would they just be trapped like the rest of us? They’re dealing with their own bag of nuts with Stephen Harper and the like, so you never know.
French would be dead, so Quebec wouldn’t be much of a distinct society. Quebec tilts Canada way left.
The name of Princess Pattie’s is half its strength. The homophobic and mysogynist hordes think it’s a bunch of pansies. It’s actually one of our elite units.
No arrows to invade Newfoundland and Labrador though which at that time was a separate dominion from Canada (1907-1933); it finally became part of Canada in 1949.
Yes, please be nice to us in Sault Ste. Marie. Don’t worry, we have a plan. As we are the only named invasion point on the map, obviously all the American troops will try to cross here. And the only way across is a two-lane bridge. We will just jam the bridge with shoppers (as usual) going to the States, so by the time all the troops make it across they will be out of supplies, bogged down in the snow, and have to turn back. By the time they resupply it will be winter again (or October, whichever comes first) – rinse and repeat.
Oh, thanks, 1920s USA, have Indiana join the attack in the eastern Great Lakes area.
Oh, wait, it’s just northern Indiana. kay whatever
But yeah, of course we planned to invade Canada. All the slaves escaped up to there.
Oh, wait, 1920s.
Wait, oh, 1920s.
Figure out that inflection!
Actually, striking at Winnipeg and Sault Ste. Marie both make perfect sense: They’re both choke points for east-west transportation.
Taking the territory around the Red River lets you use Lake Winnipeg as an extension of your barrier, forcing east-west movement to go via Hudson’s Bay.
Taking Sault Ste. Marie, or rather the canals there, blocks shipping between the Lakehead, (now Thunder Bay), and southern Ontario.
Nah. The Venezuelan Crisis of 1895 was the last time there was even the remotest chance of a war between the USA and Britain. Over the next few years – after Britain accepted arbitration as demanded by the USa, but got 90% of the teritory contested with Venezuela, Britain supported the USA in the Spanish-American War and in turn was supported in the Boer War, despite Irish- and German-American opposition. Both English-speaking empires were more concerned with German and Russian rivalry than with each other, foreshadowing the events of the 20th century.
Decades ago I was visiting a relative in St. Albans, Vermont, which is just barely south of the Canadian border. We took a drive and she pointed out “Fort Blunder”, a fort that had been built for some early war or other… it was completely built before it was discovered that by some mapping error it had been built on Canadian soil, and whoever was sovereign over Canada at the time refused to let the USA use it, they didn’t want to get involved in the war. So many details forgotten…
When I was a child we lived in a town just south of the Canadian border. On the 1st of July all the Americans would go north to see the fireworks. On the 4th of July all the Canadians would go south to see the fireworks. A couple of towns which straddled the border would have fireworks on the 2nd or 3rd. The first few days of July were great for fireworks fans.
In the Soo the fireworks for both sides are launched from barges in the river between the two cities, so you can watch them equally well from both sides.
As for the canals, the US already has them! The shipping locks are all on the American side. The only Canadian lock is small and very old, just used for recreational traffic.
Well, sure: “we’ll give you back Canada if…”
BTW, I’m pretty sure it’s hare-brained.
Which must be why there’s almost no detail at all in that plan. Seriously, it’s just straight arrows across the landscape and “then a miracle happens”.
1) Halifax is, like, the world’s 2nd-largest deepwater port in the world, or something.
2) Have you been to Halifax? I have. There’s a fort built explicitly to defend the place from the Americans, and it was probably impossible to conquer before bombing from the air was invented. One does not simply walk into Halifax; hence the arrow across the sea.
#63 Nick Gotts:
Thanks for that info. I usually hear it in talks on the Washington Naval Treaty, and the criticism that it didn’t prevent WWII. The response is often “but it may have prevented the Anglo-American War of the 1930’s.”
Wow, at least Wisconsin wasn’t in their “plans.”
It wouldn’t surprise me if the US is plotting invasion plans now in anticipation of the NDP winning the next federal election. It’s not just because the NDP are socialists, but because they might actually put an end to fracking, oil sands or exportation of other natural resources.
The U.S. not only has plans to invade every country on Earth, they probably have plans on file for what to do if Costa Rica invades Azerbaijan. It’s not that they expect to use them—they don’t expect Costa Rica to invade Azerbaijan either—but they might as well keep all those strategists
off the streetsin practice.Halifax harbor was the location for the largest human-made explosion before a nuclear one, in 1917. And, since it was in Canada, a blizzard rolled in next day. And, since it was in Canada, other countries helped, it got cleaned up, recovered from, and largely forgotten.
Oh, and the US got involved in Nicaragua, hoping for a route for a sea-level canal, back before doing the Panama. I have seen a map of the route.
If everybody has plans to invade everyone else, then does that mean that, as one example, USAlienstan has plans to invade USAlienstani?
It’s a few years later but remember that Edward (king during 1936) was chummy with the Nazis. A British king doesn’t have much power but if he had dumped Simpson and the Nazis were more competent we could have been facing a hostile pro-fascist government aligned with Germany.
It’s all right, we’d fend off the US Army with the Chicken Cannon (second possible usage).
Bear Giles – The opinions of Edward on the Nazis were irrelevant. In fact, his Nazi sympathies got him practically exiled to the Bahamas after his abdication (admittedly there’s worse places to be sent). The British people had already rejected fascism by 1936.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Battle_of_Cable_Street
@rojmiller
A couple of points:
First, a canal right on the front line is closed to both sides and thus securing the territory on the Canadian side would be important.
Second, in the 1930s the Sault Ste. Marie Canal on the Canadian side had been an active shipping route for several decades and would continue in that use until 1987 when a lock wall failed. The current recreational-use locks were opened in 1998.