Dookie Speculation

To further my reputation as the most eminent thinker on this blog collective, I humbly submit the following informal hypotheses. Content warning: feces, of course.

Random thoughts from last night. Old folks sometimes have terrible dookie stink. It’s kinda sickly sweet garbagey like a dumpster of rotting fruit. Unfortunate.

That’s me in just a few years, so I wonder. Why? And I came up with two possible answers, which could be tested by a scientist with the facilities and inclination. (Or maybe the answer is already known? Whatever, I finish my thoughts.)

The Fresh Trash Hypothesis: The aged digestive system cannot handle food as effectively, meaning the stool has more under-digested components. They smell stronger because they’re not as chemically burned up / denatured.

The Shitbarf Hypothesis: In honor of the prolific graffiti tagger of Seattle, Shitbarf… esquire? Anyhow, I think the gatekeeping of the digestive tract breaks down.

Fluids meant for the stomach end up in the esophagus or duodenum, those meant for the duodenum end up in the small intestine, etc. So basically, old folks could be passing some amount of fresh bile.

I am not googling the answer. Not curious enough yet. Maybe when I’m olda.

I just hope I never get like the person who stinkbombed the “Rapid Ride” bus when it first started in my town. For some reason, one of those busses ended up smelling hella rank, only becoming bearable several months later.

It smelled like one of those Europeans that used to eat mummies went on to become a mummy that was fed to a cruise ship on platters of norovirus shrimp, and the bus was used to ferry passengers to the hospital, with several dying en route.

Dookie. I don’t like it.


  1. coragyps says

    My poop, thankyouverymuch, smells just as good (which can be further clarified as “not very”) at 70 as it did when I was nineteen. I think the scent of shit has much more to do with diet than with the shitter’s age. And probably a great deal to do with their intestinal flora, though I’m not aware of any research into that particular field. The thought does make me even more reluctant to consider being a grad student again, though.

  2. says

    Cora – *insert “your experiences are not universal!” meme here* Well, I don’t know. Maybe I just keep randomly being around restrooms with sicker-than-average old folks using them. I failed to establish my premise, or whatever that’s called.

    Marcus – Now eat asparagus and edamame for the full excretory miasma experience!

  3. says

    Aww! Sorry, wmd. IBS is kind of a “we don’t know what’s going wrong or how to fix it” type diagnosis, real frustrating. I know a guy with the constipatory kind, gets a mix of underdigestion and overdigestion. Like, nutrients not absorbing bc they can’t get through plus by the time stuff gets out it’s hard like gravel. Good luck, comrade.

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