Breaking news: An incredible atheist falls in forest; blames trees for being in way

PJ Dirk, who blags under the pseudonym An Incredible Atheist, shares a devastating story about how this one time, he tripped in the woods, so all forests should be burned to the ground. Check out our EXCLUSIVE INTERVIEW through AtG News:

“I’m not racist arbourist,” he says the moment I hit record. “Arbourism is wrong, but if trees think they can call me arbourist, then they’re fucking weeds! I’M NOT ARBOURIST!”

[Weeds, of course, being a slur against blacks plants]

“Forests are just part of a victim culture. They’re tripping over themselves to pin clear cutting on humans,” he says, perhaps unaware of the irony in his choice of words.

“But what about the evidence that humans are clear cutting forests?” I ask him.

“You know, I was mistaken when I said black forest culture was almost a victim cult. I should have said outright that it was a victim cult.”

“We have a tree that claims you kicked its roots,” I say, playing a recorded clip from the previous interview.

“Well it’s wrong. The tree tripped me. Obviously I’m not arbourist.”

“How do you justify telling a tree what constitutes arbourism?” I ask.

“Easy. I got the first question on the test right, which means I’m obviously right about the rest of the test. I failed in school, but that’s only because my teachers didn’t recognize my genius. Trees just have to stop blaming people when they get cut down.”

You can watch the rest of the interview here:

Baby Crying

This EXCLUSIVE INTERVIEW brought to you by AtG News.

I’m your anchor, Shiv, and remember folks: Always look both ways before crossing the road, brush your teeth after eating sweets, and there’s absolutely no way at all in any conceivable reality that An Amazing Incredible Atheist is arbourist nope nosiree nothing to see here.


  1. says

    Overgeneralization is a serious problem. (waves hand vaguely) If we remain nailed down to specifics we cannot maneuver on the battlefield of ideas and properly deploy our frozen peaches.

  2. rq says

    It’s not in his dictionary. Oh wait, he doesn’t have a dictionary, he has a fictionary! (<- Originally a typo.)