Oh gods, I Got Rats!

Image: res.cloudinary.com

I love taking the silly quizzes at Medievalists, and I’ve missed a bunch. Naturally, I went for What Medieval Torture Method Would You Use on Your Enemies? first. I truly am evil, I got rats:


You are a creative thinker, and your enemies would be wise not to underestimate your imagination. Your preferred torture method is to restrain your victim on a flat, horizontal surface, then use inventive ways to trap rats so that their only means of escape is through the victim’s body. Not a pretty picture.

Well, I am certainly well armed with rats. :D I wouldn’t be able to torture them though.


  1. says

    I have a belt sander that moves abrasives at about 1000ft/min. I also have kosher salt and 40-grit belts.
    If I want to torture someone, that’s my rig, right there.

    I’d need to set up the dust collection system first, though, because that’d make one hell of a mess.

  2. says

    Oh, and the belt sander -- I once saw a video of an idiot who had one of his buddies take a belt sander to his arm to get rid of a tattoo after a break up. Rats are more effective -- lots of visceral fear there.

  3. DonDueed says

    I feel sorry for my theoretical medieval enemies:

    You are nothing if not efficient. You don’t want to spend any more time, energy or resources on your enemies than you feel they deserve, so exposing them to the elements is your torture method of choice. Depending on the season and your disposition, you might leave victims naked and defenseless in the freezing cold or simply restrain them outside without food or water for extended periods of time.

  4. fusilier says

    The Stocks:

    You don’t necessarily want to cause your enemies extreme physical pain (though you may if they have angered you enough). You do, however, want them to suffer public and prolonged humiliation, so your preferred torture method is the stocks in a public square. This way, you can inflict psychological damage as passersby toss insults or objects at offenders. For a minor offense, you may let them go after a short time; for bigger crimes, they won’t be so lucky.


    James 2:24

  5. jimb says

    I can’t remember what book it was in, but this was a method used. Put a rat (hungry?) in a vessel and hold it against the victim’s body. The rat will find a way out of the vessel. Ick. But effective.

  6. Raucous Indignation says

    Hrrmmm … I got Exposure. But there or so many more interesting ways to destroy and intimidate.

  7. jimb says

    you don’t have to bother with the person much

    Ahhh, that makes perfect sense. I tend to not like to bother with people even if I’m NOT torturing them. :-)

  8. coragyps says

    Mr. Pinochet’s secret police used starving rats introduced through the rectum for torture. Not too long ago. With US support.

  9. Raucous Indignation says

    Yeah, but I want that person(s) well and truly bothered. And to be feared as ALL BOW DOWN BEFORE ME !!!!

    Bwah-ah-aahh-ahahahaha-hahaaa-haaa ! !!!!

  10. kestrel says

    OK. I got rats too… ??

    Although I’m far more likely to be like the French in Monty Python’s Holy Grail and taunt people instead of torturing them. And putting dead cows in a trebuchet is something I might do as well.

  11. Raucous Indignation says

    Not a single one of you is fearing or bowing before me, are you? [disconsolately shuffles off]

  12. chigau (違う) says

    I couldn’t do the quiz on my iPad, for some reason the words were there but none of the links.
    Anyway, on another machine, I got Exposure.

  13. says

    I got “The stocks”
    Which is a bit odd because a few years ago I made a set for a friend, and they didn’t work right (long story) so I made another set that was so over-engineered that I believe it was left behind in situ because nobody wanted to move it. Maybe I shouldn’t have used concrete to weight the base.

    I still have moments of wanting to build a guillotine. The locking mechanisms on the old ones look pretty rough. But then, nowadays hydraulics would be the way to go. Oh, look at me nattering on…

  14. says


    Very interesting, about the stocks. I think a modern day guillotine could be rendered in a much more terrifyingly efficient manner. As if they need to get more terrifying…

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