Feelin’ Pyro.

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What am I burning?

© C. Ford. All rights reserved.

The wax center of the ostomy bag which needs to be cut out, every. single. time. Ostomy bag design leaves a lot to be desired. Why? Eh, why not. They have a ferocious stink to ’em.


  1. says

    [to the tune of Feelin’ Groovy]

    Goddamn ostomy bag
    Its design is such a drag
    (I) Can’t stand it, no-no-no
    That’s why I am Feelin’ Pyro!

  2. Raucous Indignation says

    You would think the has to be a better way, but what if that is the better way!?

  3. says

    There are a number of small ways they could be made better. You can buy a cutter, like a round pastry cutter, but they only start at 38 mm, so if you’re still in the healing/shrinking process, you’re screwed. You can buy plastic air vents, but they have be installed into each bag manually. Why not have that be a part of all bags? Venting them is a pain in the, well, you know, and it needs to be done fair often. No one wants to be the person who ends up with an exploding shit bag story.

    You should be able to press the seams on the end to open the bag for draining. Can you? No. You have to stick a fucking fingernail in there to get the damn end open, and since it’s usually full of shit, who in the hell wants to do that? Given where most ostomies are placed, the bags hang down in a very uncomfortable place. Supposedly, you drain them while sitting on the toilet, but they don’t hang between your fucking legs, they lay over one thigh. They do not come with a drain end, although you can fucking buy them, and adapt them to each fucking bag, manually. The way they hang down in clothing is awkward, too. You can of course, buy clips to roll them up a bit. These are all very basic fucking things.

  4. says

    Yeah, I know, but this just keeps escalating my cost -- I can’t get anything locally except the bags. I can’t say I like the idea of spending hours prepping shit bags. Also, I can’t pre-cut things right now, because Grimheld’s size is not stable. That’s another thing -- you get this flimsy paper template to fit over your stoma to measure, which gets blood, mucus, and sometimes shit on it, and good luck cleaning paper. They could make a template out of thin, flexible plastic, but no.

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