Oh, sure. They say it’s just a way to play videogames with your pet hamster or mouse, but I think it’s an exercise in training rodents in how to hunt down and kill us. The only thing saving us now is that they don’t know what to do with a health-pac or ammo or a BFG9000 when they find it on the floor.
The true history of the world is told in the movies, so obviously what we need is a compilation of movie events to see what was really going on. It’s a work in progress, so there are a few gaps—the period between 1 zillion BC and 65,000,000 BC is a bit sparse on information—but more recent events are better covered. For instance, the year of my birth was quite busy:
1957 New Zealand – Lionel Pritchard and his girlfriend Paquita battle a horde of zombies (Braindead)
Camp Crystal Lake, New Jersey – Jason Voorhees drowns (Friday the 13th)
Michael Myers born (Hallowe’en)
Lana Turner meets Johnny Stompanato (L.A. Confidential, 1997)
The Iron Giant
October Sky
Zombies, supernatural mass murderers, and giant robots…oh, yeah, I remember that. The late 1950s were rife with alien invasions and mutant monsters, too. Lana Turner is a little out of place, until you realize it’s also the year my wife was born.
(via Eclecticism)
We biologists think we’re all grody and cool with our dead mice, but then some smart-aleck chemist has to go trump us all with thermite explosions. That just isn’t fair.
Just wait. Now some physicist is going to come along and make us all envious with his homebuilt laser.
Hold it! I just had a brilliant thought! If we got a physicist, a chemist, and a biologist together, we could make a laser-triggered thermite mouse trap. That would be waaaaaay better than a glue trap.
I’m worth more than Josh—$2,512,980.
Modern digital technology allows us to see the unimaginable. George Bush sings Imagine.
(via Badgerings)
Pope Ratzi was in charge of a parade yesterday, where everyone pretends to know every footfall of poorly documented Jewish rabbi’s execution, so they can re-enact it and make portentous comments at every step. The whole thing is online, if you want to read it. The Seventh Station is the interesting one.
If I had one, that is. A reader cruelly sent me a ghastly link to the Christian song stylings of Lil’ Markie.
Cthulhu, take me now. My psyche is scarred.
You tell me…should I be flattered at all the email coming in from people saying that the phrase “flailing around like a lubed-up squid” brought me immediately to their mind?
Maybe it was the erotic resonance of the image that elicits that prompts the association…
Please don’t tell me I’m the only one who detects the erotic resonance.
What a waste of good cephalopod images, using them to make a mosaic of yours truly. It’s made using some softward called MacOSaiX, if you’re interested in trying some yourself.
Alas, I fear that if I let myself be bitten by a squid, all I’d get for my trouble is a very nasty infection, and possibly a few toxins.
