Mouse Wars


Oh, sure. They say it’s just a way to play videogames with your pet hamster or mouse, but I think it’s an exercise in training rodents in how to hunt down and kill us. The only thing saving us now is that they don’t know what to do with a health-pac or ammo or a BFG9000 when they find it on the floor.


  1. says

    Is it an exercise in training rodents to kill us, or in training us to avoid and defeat rodents? Clearly these guys know something we don’t about the imminent invasion of mutant hamsters.

  2. says

    Darn it! Now you’re re-introduced me to the idea of getting a gerbil after all these years of not having a gerbil. First, it was Dr. Chaos’s minions, and now you. I hope you’re happy.

  3. says

    Kangaroos are sort of like big rodents and they have their front paws free which will allow them to operat a BFG 9000 and get a little roovenge. However, they aren’t too bright. If they were they would first move one leg and then the other and bloody well walk instead of jumping everywhere. But when it comes to brightness I have to admit that I have fought alien monstrosities that were enitirely composed of giant brains that were three stories tall, with robotic legs, but which were still incredibly stupid!

  4. says

    Wish I could give my AC kangaroo legs, since a walking robot is just begging to be picked off. The only safe modes of transportation are slide-dashing, hopping, and flying. I rely almost entirely on hopping, and it’d be handy to have legs that do that by default, rather than repeatedly tapping my boosters.

  5. El Juno says

    My new dwarf hamster ALREADY attempted to gnaw two of my fingers off yesterday, and now I’m supposed to ENCOURAGE him to try to eat me?

  6. says

    I have something to say. The thread that it applies to has scrolled off the page so I would appreciate it if you started an open thread so that I can continue to post politely and respectfully on your blog without interfering with existing threads.
    I just viewed “What the Bleep Do We Know” and I have some comments.

  7. says


    Actually, I was thinking that if I were playing Halo against my pet hamster, and he was beating me, I’d probably reach over to his cage and give him a little whackity-schmackity.

  8. says

    G Tingey, in the incredibly high quality and well acted movie Doom, the BFG 9000 is a Bio Force Gun. However, those of us who devoted our spare time when we were 13 to playing Doom know that BFG actually stands for Big Fornicating Gun. Except some people use a slightly different word in the middle. I’m not sure what the 9000 refers to. Perhaps its the extra money I’d make each year if I had actually done my homework instead of playing computer games.