I’ve been struggling to post because of how my life is so I’m hoping that posting about my life helps. It’s tricky because I’m not free to be totally open, other people are involved, but I’ll see what I can do.
I’m currently separated from my wife. We’ve drifted apart and something triggered our first fight. That led to us both doing therapy work on ourselves while things are figured out. I feel some confidence about what I need to change though and am working very hard to be worth it. It’s almost been a year. I hope she finds what she needs.
I’m living with my parents while I do my part. Sleeping on a couch with a TV on right next to me the rest of the time. I am seriously grateful to them for this. Especially since I’d been pressing them very hard to discuss some serious stuff they don’t want to. That’s all on hold while I’m in their house of course, this is their space. Our politics are opposed, I still love them though. I get to save money despite the difficulties. I’ve earned my place by catching 74 mice in their house. All caught live and released in a local park. Seriously.
I had to release them on weekends and this is what they do when they get more comfortable, stare at OUTSIDE. Or stare at one while it tries to jump out to learn. Smart. And cute. One even had babies and I raised them up to a releasing age. They still wanted OUT despite never having been OUT. I hope it’s worth it.
My best trap was a dog biscuit box with a cereal box inside and a plastic bag in that with dog food and peanut butter. I hear them, I cover the hole, I dump them into a tub. Easy.
Outside of therapy work and some games I’m having a hard time finding the energy to do much. I don’t have any meat space friends. I’m pretty isolated. I’m trying to get into situations where friends can be made, meetups and such, but it’s slow going. I have really severe social anxiety due to a lot of factors that I would rather do in a separate post. In short I didn’t get shown how to make friends, learned to distrust and fear people, and bullying in school with no friends in school (the tourette’s). I didn’t fully appreciate just how avoidant I was until after my attempt at graduate school, it never occurred to me to join professional groups for example. This is hard to change in my late 40s. But I’m working on it. A statistic in the loneliness epidemic.
I hear it gets harder for everyone to make friends as they get older. I wonder why that is. You’d think that because things get easier as you get age and experience it would happen here too. But no, many of us are separated in our way.
I may at least get off of the couch soon, my parents are emptying an extra room they were storing things in. That will help. And then maybe I can bring some stuff from the apartment, I’ve had an urge to play some Halo. My wife is nice about that part. If I want my stuff I can get my stuff.
I just wish I could do more of what I used to do politically. But I’m missing a balance in my life that prevents the rage and passion from consuming me. It’s ok to just work on myself when that’s what I need to do though.
Are you doing any exercise? It can help.
My job is physical, and I’m exercising some on the side. Lots of trash cans and tires to empty and toss every day at the 24 bay car repair place.
loneliness can even strike people who have a long term relationship or close acquaintance that is actively there. it’s hard to understand why, probably varies a lot from person to person, but the social needs of people can just be very different. not as simple as the old introvert/extrovert dichotomy.
the last time i felt genuinely lonely was around twenty years ago. i know, hashtag blessed. at that time i considered coming up with an imaginary friend. i wonder, would that have been a bad idea? how would that have gone? what if i did it now, in the age of advanced chatbots?
good luck with all this biz, amigo. you’re a real character, rescuing one of the world’s most disposable creatures. that’s gotta count for something.
I know I don’t comment on here much, but I do try to read your posts. I respect your work and your efforts on the blog to help everyone move forward. I live in Tempe, and I could come over if you wanted. Please email me if you’re interested. We could get dinner and chat, just to give you a different perspective on things. I’m a retired chemistry instructor.
Bruce
I’ve had imaginary friends my entire life. Retired now, married many years and still the same imaginary compadres from childhood backed by decades of art and writing in a detailed, unified world (a “paracosm”). I love them all and will until I die and I don’t care what therapeutic label anyone attaches to its weirdness. I have practically no meat friends anymore but I can’t say it bothers me much. Just too old and too opinionated to care (there’s a reason old-person parties often devolve into a drone of narcissistic monologues).
We do what we do to get ourselves through this chaotic, absurdly mixed-up world. From the look in those lively little eyes I’d say your mouse rescue is a booming success. You’re a good one, keep it up.
I’ve got a long history of imaginary friends and I’m itching for real ones. It was a coping mechanism for the severe loneliness in grade school and later took up mental space I really wish I spent on real relationships.
@Bruce
The offer would be welcome. How do I email you?
i think we can usually see people’s email addresses in the comment moderation area on wordpress; i’d take that as an invitation to use said info.
The mice are just so cute! 74is a big number!
My sympathies, being lonely is hard to break out of for me as well. As to making friends, it somehow sometimes just seems to happen when you meet with groups of people but I never know who how why what.
Good luck!
@Bebe
Not in the Android version I guess. And I can’t access my computer. But I recently posted my email address here.
https://freethoughtblogs.com/primatechess/2025/04/03/does-anyone-in-tucson-az-want-an-extra-player-for-games/sc_42667e767da717cc2f7d779a34d3e342/
@Bruce
In the event that you check back here, I can’t currently access my computer and the android version of WordPress doesn’t allow me to get email addresses. I posted a link to a post that has my email address however.