I have a theory, which is mine, about getting older

Today is my birthday. Yeah, whoop-ti-doo, it’s a work day and I’m home alone and dinner is going to be rice and beans with no cake, so congratulations are not in order. Also, I’m 63, which led to my new insight.

I’m actually 3 vigorous, flighty, strong, bumbling 21 year olds trapped in one body. It explains why I’ve put on weight over the years, and they’re all kind of bummed out about being stuck in here, so they occasionally lash out, which is why my bones ache. It’s a satisfying theory which explains many phenomena.

So now I just need to figure out how to reconcile these three (who I’ve named Chad, Dexter, and Evil Dexter, by the way) to their existence as roommates in a co-op with really strict rules and no escape clause. Things might get better next year at this time when it’ll be three young men and a new one-year-old baby and we can start negotiating the sit-com rights, but until then I’ve got to keep these rambunctious wastrels occupied. Any suggestions?

If it helps, I spent my first 21st birthday in my dorm room, studying for a biochemistry final the next day. That’s what 21 year olds do, right?

Time to huddle alone in my man-cave

Now that COVID-19 cases have been reported in 28 states, I think we can say that efforts to confine it have failed. We have our first case here in Minnesota, a person returning from a trip on a cruise ship (Why do people do those cruises anymore, anyway? It’s like jumping into big bottle of culture medium and getting stirred around for a few weeks.) My university has sent out information to all faculty about what to do if cases arise — we’re referred to this Safe Campus website for updated info. Ironically, the email about this also says, “Our Emergency Management team—made up of individuals from across campus—is meeting weekly”. Well, that’s the problem, isn’t it? If someone on the team is infected, the whole damn lot of them will go down.

My wife is off in Colorado, and as it turns out went through the Denver airport at the same as an infected but asymptomatic traveler from Italy was walking among the oblivious herd. She’s coming back in about two weeks through the same mob of disease-ridden cattle. We old, frail people have been advised to avoid all social contact, which sounds like a fine idea to me — I’m a denizen of the internet, that’s where I do all my socializing — but I have a job that involves talking with lots of people all the time. Fortunately, I don’t touch students…but I do get piles of papers handed to me. Maybe this will motivate me to adopt all electronic submissions.

We’re also advised that, instead of crude handshakes, we should adopt the Vulcan greeting. I can do that. I’m all for it.

“Live long and prosper”

However, this recommendation rarely comes with the necessary warning: do not, I repeat, DO NOT ever greet someone with a Vulcan mind-meld. This is right out, even if it would be a great teaching technique.

“Do you actually…understand…epistatic interactions in genetics?”

I was planning on going out for a nice walk in town today, but I think I’ve just talked myself into sitting at home alone.

Schocked!

I was surprised to learn that the most famous person from Morris, Minnesota was a disgraced Republican politician, known for using campaign funds illegally to decorate his office. It’s a strange thing to have attached to the place where you live.

Now he has cemented his position as the biggest name from Morris by coming out as gay. He worked for years against LGBT rights, so that’s a bit surprising (or is it?).

There’s more! Now I learn that his family was a member of the Apostolic Church of Morris (we actually have two churches for that sect here in town, the other is the North Apostolic Church). Uh-oh. I know that church: fervent, hard-working Biblical literalists who have a rather oppressive influence on the rest of us. That’s where he started!

My story starts in the rural Midwest, as part of a family centered in a faith and its particular traditions. At the Apostolic Christian Church where we belonged, we were enthusiastic regulars. My parents did their best to raise me and my siblings according to biblical tenets as they understood them.

I wonder if they are aware of how their beliefs boomeranged against them in this one case. They’d probably attribute it to the fact that his family moved to “one of the less rigid branches” in his youth.

Accounting. I hate accounting.

Well, we got an invoice from our lawyer. He recommends a monthly payment of $15,000.

I scraped up $500 from that lovely Patreon account. I don’t think he’s planning to sic bounty hunters on us, as long as we can keep up a steady stream of money heading his direction, even if that amount is economically impossible. Don’t forget our GoFundMe!

My creaky bones have reached peak agony after my fall the other day, so I can look forward to repair and relief soon. I hope. It sure would be nice to sleep through the night without sporadic spasms again.

In happier news, tomorrow is my research day, I’m planning to seal myself up in the lab and catch up with my spiders. Big feeding time! Lots of lab cleanup! Temperatures have drifted above freezing lately, the snow is receding, so I’m also eagerly anticipating the return of numerous arthropods to the external environment. Maybe it’s premature with thick layers of snow still on the ground, but I think I detect a faint glimmer of spring. Maybe.

Oy. $15K/month. That’ll take the wind out of your sails.

Now it’s getting personal

I just learned that a woman acquaintance I knew well in high school has lost her husband to COVID-19. It’s odd how the personal connection snaps it all into focus so clearly. I’ve got a lot of connections to people in the Pacific Northwest, where there seems to be a lot of activity by this virus, so I expect to get more sad news in the future.

Bones rattled, vote cast

Yes I voted.

Then I dragged myself to the doctor and got a CT scan. Nothing is broken or bleeding; the doctor even said my brain looks good, so I’m thinking I ought to get that testimonial tattooed on my body somewhere. Even as I was sitting in the waiting room, though, I could feel my back and neck starting to freeze up into painful rigidity, so I think I’m going to be feeling this for the next several days.

But not right now. I got a shot of the good drugs, I might just pass out for a while.

Not a good start to the day

Walking into work today on the hellish triple-damned sloping path from my house to the university, which is always coated with a layer of ice, I slipped cartoonishly. Both feet shot out from under me and I fell straight backwards, thumping hard onto the ground, uniformly distributing the pain to my elbows, back, and head. I was wearing my backpack with my laptop and iPad inside, and honestly, my first concern was that I’d just destroyed all of my primary computing power. Fortunately, I was using my Brenthaven™ laptop bag, which was robust and well padded, and everything inside survived just fine. (Contact me, Brenthaven, if you want a testimonial).

The important stuff survived, but my brain is a bit rattled, my left forearm is numb, and my neck and shoulders are badly wrecked to the point where it hurts to turn my head. That’s a bad sign. I’m going to have to make a doctor’s appointment somewhere in this really busy teaching Tuesday.

Man, that stretch of sidewalk is my bane every winter. It’s a slight slope that gets meltwater running over it at the slightest thaw, but not steep enough that the water runs off — it just sits there and freezes treacherously. There’s no way to avoid it, either, because the university is in a shallow depression lower than my house. It would probably be safer to drive the 200 feet than to walk it.

I can tell this is just the beginning, it’s going to hurt much worse later.

Is Denver in the Danger Zone?

The American Physical Society has abruptly cancelled their March meeting…the day before it was to begin.

Many attendees are already in Denver, making this a rather ineffectual way to limit travel. It’s also the case that the World Health Organization is not recommending travel restrictions, so I’d be curious to know who argued for this cancellation, and why.

WHO continues to advise against the application of travel or trade restrictions to countries experiencing COIVD-19 outbreaks.

In general, evidence shows that restricting the movement of people and goods during public health emergencies is ineffective in most situations and may divert resources from other interventions. Furthermore, restrictions may interrupt needed aid and technical support, may disrupt businesses, and may have negative social and economic effects on the affected countries. However, in certain circumstances, measures that restrict the movement of people may prove temporarily useful, such as in settings with few international connections and limited response capacities.

Maybe it has something to do with that last phrase — is the US now regarded as a country with limited response capacities? I hope not.

My wife is near Denver right now, and was traveling through the Denver airport yesterday. I hope this cancellation was an unnecessary over-reaction. I’m planning some meeting travel for the end of June myself, and I could imagine cancelling if the epidemic got much worse, but I wouldn’t wait until the day before!