Timely information

Since the American Atheist meeting this Spring is in Salt Lake City, and I haven’t yet settled on a topic for my talk, I was looking for inspiration and found … Mormon Missionary Positions. Now we know what those clean-cut young men are doing when they’re not out pedaling about on their bicycles. Also, what they do with the bicycle.


  1. says

    Perhaps a NSFW warning would be a good idea. Yeah, they’re wearing clothing, but some places still might have problems with people looking at those images.

  2. says

    I see that one partner needs to be quite tall for bicycle position to work well. We should advise mormon Mission Presidents to pair up missionary “companions” wisely, so that bicycle position is possible.

    In general, mormons do not treat their missionaries well. Missionaries (or their parents) pay a hefty monthly fee for the privilege of selling a bogus product. Missionaries are badly housed, with no air conditioning in hot climates, inadequate heat in cold climates, inadequate health care, sometimes no running water, and other sub-par-housing conditions that may be life threatening. No sex, no masturbation, almost no expressions of normal humanity are allowed. Food and food allowances may be inadequate.

    Mission Presidents (and their wives) live well, with superb housing, and often with servants to do all the cooking, cleaning, gardening, etc. http://mormondisclosures.blogspot.com/2012/12/pay-lay-missionary.html

    Mormon missionaries often enter other countries illegally, on 3-month student visas for example. Once in-country, their Mission Presidents take their passports from them “for safe keeping,” — more likely to prevent them from hotfooting it home once they realize how dangerous and ridiculous their mission is.

    So far this year, 12 mormon missionaries have died, including Elder Kunz:

    Kunz had gone to another missionary’s apartment Wednesday so he could attend a Thursday training meeting, according to his family. He and the other missionaries decided to study scriptures outside because it was cooler. The missionaries lived on the second story of the building and needed to walk on a ledge to get back inside.

    “There was a live wire hanging and it brushed against him and the shock pushed him off the building. So he fell two stories and then landed. So that’s what ended up being the cause of death,” the missionary’s brother, Burke Kunz, said Friday.


    From ex-mormon, “goldenrule,”

    My DH [Dear Husband] served in the Phillipines. Contracted an amoeba or something that nearly killed him. Same with a friend who served in Argentina. Another friend served in Mexico and was mugged a few times and almost was crushed to death by a crumbling ceiling of their inhabitable apartment. Another friend served in London and was beaten up so badly he actually was sent home.

    From ex-mormon spwdone:

    The shack we lived in one winter had very little heat and no insulation. Temp was -65 below zero, Fahrenheit. We pulled all the clothes out of our closets and put them on the bed so we wouldn’t freeze at night. I guess I should be grateful we didn’t have live wires hanging from the ceiling.

    Ex-mormons discuss psychological abuse of missionaries.
    Hellish experiences while serving as a mormon missionary.

  3. Acolyte of Sagan says

    At least three of those positions are wrong. Mormons are forbidden from having sex while standing up in case it leads to dancing.

  4. Sili says

    . We pulled all the clothes out of our closets and put them on the bed so we wouldn’t freeze at night.

    Why didn’t they just cuddle?

  5. mikee says

    If I print it off and give it to my next mormon visitors do you think they will give me a demo? :-)