Crezi in Dumnezeu?

In Pharyngula’s ongoing campaign of world-wide internet poll domination, how could I resist an opportunity to crash a poll in Romania? Scroll down a bit and look on the left side of the page to find this one.

Crezi in Dumnezeu? (Do you believe in God?)

da, el ma calauzeste! (Yes, he is guiding me!)
52.1%
da, dar in felul meu (Yes, in my own way)
34.1%
nu exista (Doesn’t exist)
9.3%
nu, dar o forta superioara exista (No, but a higher force exists)
2.9%
nu, cred in altceva (No, I believe in another thing)
1.6%

9.3% isn’t bad, but perhaps that number will shift a little bit.

I’m also pleased to have learned my first few words in Romanian, and am now prepared to travel there and have a 5 second conversation about atheism.

So that’s what “Focus on the Family” means

James Dobson always seemed a little too obsessed with spanking and checking out penises to be entirely healthy, and now one of his employees has been outed as a pedophile.

Juan Alberto Ovalle, 42, thought he was corresponding with a girl under the age of 15, but instead it was undercover officers with the Jefferson County district attorney’s office, according to court documents.
Ovalle works for a Spanish-speaking arm of the Colorado Springs Christian group Focus on the Family and narrates Biblical text for CDs, according to Internet websites that sell the products.

“We’re shocked,” said Gary Schneeberger, a spokesman with Focus.

Schneeberger said the group “is beginning its own process of looking into the allegations” and that it “will work with authorities” if asked.

…Ovalle asked the teen specific sexual questions and told her about sex acts he would perform with her, according to an arrest affidavit. According to the affidavit, during one exchange, Ovalle asked: “Would you like to meet?”

What is it with these repressed, abstinence-only organizations that promote unrealistic views of sex? They seem to attract people with warped views of sexual behavior that violate reasonable patterns of respect for a partner.

It’s been five years, Paul Nelson!

Once upon a time, a creationist invented a brand new pseudo-scientific term, which he even presented at a scientific conference. It was a very, very silly idea called “ontogenetic depth”. I criticized the idea publicly and viciously, pointing out that the concept had no explanation, no methodology, and had produced no results, which prompted the creationist, Paul Nelson, to promise to present us all with a detailed explanation “tomorrow”.

We’ve been waiting for a little while for tomorrow to get here. Paul Nelson promised us an answer tomorrow 5 years ago.

Ever since, we celebrate Paul Nelson day every year on 7 April. Richard Hoppe jumped the gun and announced it last week, which is OK — Nelson did drag out the promises for quite a while, and the 7th was a somewhat arbitrary choice. Last year, I suggested a simple and appropriate way to commemorate the event.

In his honor, we should all make it a point to ask people “How do you know that?” today, and the ones who actually can explain themselves competently will be complimented by being told that they’re no Paul Nelson.

It’s kind of like the folk tradition of chasing away demons on certain days of the year, only what we do is terrify creationists by roaming about demanding that they fork over evidence, at which time they scurry away and hide. Have fun!

By the way, I said something else last year.

We’ll celebrate it again next year, I’m sure.

I’m a prophet. We’ll have another chance next year, too.

Wingnut meltdown imminent

President Obama speaking to the Turkish press:

I’ve said before that one of the great strengths of the United States is, although as I mentioned we have a very large Christian population, we do not consider ourselves a Christian nation or a Jewish nation or a Muslim nation. We consider ourselves a nation of citizens who are bound by ideals and a set of values.

This is going to be fun.

Guess why the economy is a mess?

Isn’t it obvious? It’s all the atheist’s fault! Some goober named David Lebedoff has an article in the Strib that claims that the whole source of the problem is all those amoral, atheistic people who don’t believe in an afterlife.

If you only go around once, then the main thing is to have fun. If you start by admitting that from cradle to tomb it isn’t that long of a stay, then life is a cabaret, old chum, and so, by the way, is Wall Street. There is a bumper sticker favored by some of the recently rich that proclaims “he who dies with the most toys wins.” This is indeed the moral philosophy of those who believe that death is the final closing bell. Materialism, hedonism and Stairmasters are what people do until the clock stops ticking.

I had no idea that Wall Street was run by atheists, or that the government was run by atheists, or that Christians and Jews and Moslems were never, ever interested in material possessions (I just knew that whole Prosperity Gospel thing was a weird confabulation of my imagination).

But, speaking as a fairly strong atheist, I have to protest. The absence of an afterlife means that this life is all I’ve got, and I’d like to live it well — there are no do-overs or second chances. I don’t have the excuse that “God would never allow harm to come to the planet” or “Jesus will forgive my sins and let me live in paradise”. If I screw up now, that’s all there is. I also share normal concerns that even after I die, I want my kids (and grandkids, if such should happen, although I’m much too young for that yet) and friends to live good lives. Not believing in a magical afterlife doesn’t change that, and actually tends to make things like preparing for the future, being a good steward of my resources, educating future generations, etc., even more important.

Mr Lebedoff is a victim of a failure of comprehension. He doesn’t understand atheists at all, and he imagines in his simple-minded way that we’re all mindless hedonists rushing to burn out fast.

By the way, that phrase, “he who dies with the most toys wins”, makes no sense to most atheists. He who dies is dead, full stop. Toys don’t matter at that point.

Temporary full-time job opening in cell and microbiology at UMM

Full-Time, One-Year Faculty Position in Biology

University of Minnesota, Morris

The University of Minnesota, Morris seeks an individual committed to excellence in undergraduate education, to fill a full-time, one-year position in biology beginning August 17, 2009. Responsibilities include: teaching undergraduate biology courses including an introductory level cell biology course for majors (with lab), an upper-level microbiology course for majors (with lab), and contributing to other courses that support the biology curriculum. Excellent fringe benefits and a collegial atmosphere accompany the position. The standard teaching load is twenty credit hours per year.
Candidates must be at least A.B.D. in cell biology, microbiology, or a closely related field by August 17, 2009. Experience and evidence of excellence in teaching undergraduate biology is required. (Graduate TA experience is acceptable). Preference will be given to applicants having the Ph.D. in hand. 

The University of Minnesota, Morris (UMM) is one of the top public liberal arts colleges in the nation. As one of five campuses of the University of Minnesota, UMM has a unique mission and offers the best of both in the world of higher education–a small, close-knit campus complemented by the power of a world-renowned research University system. UMM is located 160 miles WNW of Minneapolis in a small (5000) rural community.  Our student body is diverse (16% students of color) and academically well-prepared, with 63% earning an ACT comprehensive score of 25 or higher and over 50% drawn from the top 25% of their high school classes.  Our faculty have received 33 of the University system’s highest teaching award and are very active in research and publication.  To learn more about the University of Minnesota, Morris visit our website at http://www.morris.umn.edu.

Applications must include a letter of application, resume, transcripts, a teaching statement with evidence of teaching effectiveness, and three letters of reference. Send applications to:

Biology Search Committee Chair
Division of Science and Mathematics
University of Minnesota, Morris
Morris, MN 56267-2128

Applications will be accepted until the position is filled. Screening begins April 17, 2009. Inquiries can be made to Ann Kolden, Executive Office and Administrative Specialist, at (320) 589-6301 or koldenal@morris.umn.edu.
The University of Minnesota is an equal opportunity educator and employer.  We are committed to the policy that all persons shall have equal access to its programs, facilities, and employment without regard to race, color, creed, religion, national origin, sex, age, marital status, disability, public assistance status, veteran status, or sexual orientation.  To request disability accommodations, please contact Sarah Mattson at 320-589-6021.

Replace me!

Look up. The next thing I’m going to post is a job ad…you need a job, right?

I’m going on sabbatical next year, leaving a small hole in our staff that we need to plug up with someone as clever and resourceful and pedagogically exciting as me. Don’t be intimidated, though! We’ll take someone who knows cell biology and microbiology well, would like to join our team at a university that values education highly, and doesn’t mind a little spatio-temporal isolation in our remote corner of the universe. It’s a good career step for new graduates to take, too — a year spent here looks very, very nice on the teaching section of your résumé.

By the way, you won’t actually be replacing me (I like to imagine I am irreplaceable). My colleagues have juggled their schedules to cover the essential courses I teach, and we’re also trying to fill the job of a retiring faculty member…so you’d actually be taking the place of two faculty members and helping fill the gaps left by my colleague’s shifting of schedules. Think how important you’ll be to us! (Don’t worry, though, it’s still just a 1.0 FTE position. We’ll try not to overwork you.)

The Onion might get in trouble for this one

The Onion has just announced that the pope has reversed some traditional teachings.

The divine proclamation, which contradicts prior teachings of the Roman Catholic Church, was reportedly made by Pope Benedict after a late night phone call to his Vatican residence. According to witnesses, His Holiness was seen pacing back and forth, nervously wringing his hands, and cursing at himself in a hallway mirror before coming to the sudden decision.

“My friends in Christ, brothers and sisters of the cloth, having an abortion is…err…not that big a deal,” announced the anxious pontiff while reading from a series of hastily scrawled edicts. “In fact, it is written, uh, somewhere, that the taking of an innocent life might even be something of a blessing in some cases.”

“For example, when a mother’s life is at risk,” continued Benedict, wiping several beads of sweat from his forehead. “Or, say, when someone is just way too old to become a father at this point.”

That kind of short-term pragmatism over doctrine is common among Catholics, so that part is believable…but that Darth Benedict could have sex? Unimaginable. At least it is now, after my imagination just melted down and dribbled out my ears while I was trying to picture it. It didn’t help that the only mate I could picture was Frau Farbissina.