It’s because reptoids are color-blind and can only see things in motion


Jeffrey Rowland points out a great truth: there must be a conspiracy of bad web design behind all the wacky sites on the web. If he’d only more carefully read one of the victims of the conspiracy, David Icke, he’d have drawn the web design expert as a reptoid illuminatus.

Wait! Everyone knows this! Is Rowland hiding something? Is he part of the global cabal?


  1. says

    My website’s a beautiful sight
    It’ll wrack you with seizures, all right–
    You may fund it unsubtle,
    But trust your friend Cuttle,
    It’s perfect… in polarized light.

  2. arekksu says

    David Icke:
    My great friend, the Zulu shaman, or sanusi, Credo Mutwa, has written a poem to express his thoughts on what he sees as the true nature of Barack Obama


  3. says

    And people thought that the banishment of the blink tag would be the end of bad web design…

    The biggest warts on the arse of web design as I see it now are Flash and Java. Far too many web designers seem to have forgotten that the purpose of a web site is to convey information, not to show off your programming skills (unless the web site is specifically about your programming skills).

    I’ve also become convinced over the last 15 years, that a lot more of the population is colour blind than is generally aware of their status.

  4. gruebait says

    I see you have taken to heart the admonition to “PLEASE CIRCULATE AS WIDELY AS POSSIBLE.”

  5. Carl Troein says

    I wasn’t aware of Richard C. Hoagland and his beautiful Enterprise Mission site before now, and I’m deeply grateful that P-Zed and J-Ro brought them to my attention. Can you imagine that my university physics books were trying to teach me Newtonian mechanics even though that theory has been proven to be incorrect by Hoagland at !?

  6. lytefoot says

    You know, the more I see of true wackloonery, the more it seems: there is a god, and he’s a dick. He sends people these truly kooky visions, then doesn’t provide them with the mental capacity to either explain them concisely, or realize that they’re stupid.

    Sorry, comic site linked to the Time Cube page again. It speaks much more clearly when one simply scrolls through it at top speed. The patterns, I… I see a greater meaning! I… no, wait, that was gas.

  7. says

    I’m always disappointed by the lack of comic sans font on Icke’s webshite. At least he’s no longer claiming he’s Jesus any more.

  8. says

    Apols for the second comment, but that’s the first time I’ve seen the timecube site, and I’m typing with tears of laughter streaming down my face.

    “Scientists are evil cowards
    and should be castrated”


  9. says

    Now, now, some of my best friends are reptoids. The rest of them are atheist communist pinko Jews. And every night we have this little hobby: we try to take over the world.

  10. Cliff Hendroval says

    Some (well one) of my best friends are rather dim white lab mice. And every night we have this little hobby: we try to take over the world.

  11. says

    To all the Timecube newbies:

    There’s a reason that some people measure crazy websites in fractions of a Timecube. It is the grandaddy of all interweb crazy, and I’ve yet to find another whackaloon website that gets more than .9 Timecubes. They get close, but they never get quite as loony.

  12. Steve_C says

    Hehe. Dats a whole lotta crazeeee. It’s fun to comment on Icke youtube videos and watch the kooks freak out.

  13. says

    This chap, who infests a mailing list I’m on with his pestilential and wilful stupidity, has one of the most staggeringly odd websites I’ve ever see, like David Icke rewritten by Charles Pooter. Never mind terrible design – which it has in spades – it even manages to have a bizarre and awkward URL. Sadly, following a little contretemps a few years ago, he’s gone through the whole site editing out certain incriminating details, such as the fact that he occasionally emails the British Meteorological Office to complain that he hasn’t yet received a Nobel Prize for his sterling work in sitting around coming up with brilliant ideas. But it’s still full of awesome.

  14. John Bode says

    I wasn’t aware of Richard C. Hoagland and his beautiful Enterprise Mission site before now, and I’m deeply grateful that P-Zed and J-Ro brought them to my attention.

    And the current website design is a vast improvement over the old one.

    Hoagland holds a special place in my heart for hating on the Apollo conspiracy theorists, claiming that they give “legitimate conspiracy theories” a bad name.

  15. ospalh says

    Re Evolving Squid #4:
    I thought those sites MADE you go colourblind.
    Or as a not-PC friend of mine would say:
    “Wow, that site gives you eye cancer!”

  16. Jeeves says

    I just spent a few minutes reading some posts in the David Icke forum and been knocked for a loop. People actually believe that stuff fervently. I had heard rumors of such but until you actually see it, wow!

  17. Janine, Bitter Friend says

    I have seen people make references to the time cube for a while but I never went there myself. Now that I spent some time there, I never want to go back. I would rather be John Malkovich going through the portal to his own head.

  18. Molly, NYC says

    Okay, Obama isn’t a half-extra-t’restrial lizard man. But I’m surprised no one else has noticed his resemblance to Bat Boy.

  19. Cliff Hendroval says

    My encounter with a David Icke fan back in August 2007:

    So this morning I’m in the drive-through line at my local McDonald’s. I always have to turn off the radio there because of interference, my a/c is broken so my windows are open, and the person at the window three cars ahead must have made some sort of special order because no one’s moving. From the pick-up truck behind me I start hearing someone yelling. As I start to focus a little, I figure out that he’s apparently yelling at me, or more specifically, the faded Kerry/Edwards ’04 sticker in my back window. Great, I think, a goddam wingnut, and I haven’t even gotten my coffee yet.

    After a moment, though, he also starts yelling about Bush and Skull and Bones, about Geronimo, and that Prescott Bush was a Nazi and that the CIA was founded by Nazis. The CIA controls all the banks. There were no planes on 9/11 – Bush blew the WTC up himself. The people who call themselves Jews aren’t Jews – they’re descendants of the Khazars. They’re all Zionists, and they’re trying to kill all the few remaining Jews, the real descendants of Shem, whom the media calls Palestinians. Those Hasidim who live up on the other side of town? All Zionists. I’m a real patriot. Ron Paul is gonna put us back on a real financial basis and get us away from the Bilderbergers and Freemasons. He’s a real patriot, like me. I know what the real truth is. I’ve studied these things. You know why people like JFK and Diana have torches on their graves – that means the Illuminati took ’em out and are bragging about it…

    At this point, I can’t hold my silence anymore, because whenever someone mentions Diana in one of these conspiracy rants, it means one thing.

    I yelled back at him, “So you actually believe that the Queen of England is a seven-foot tall lizard?”

    He’s taken aback for a second, then says in a much lower, but still audible voice, “Get a cat.” That had me puzzled for a moment, and then he said “Cats hate reptiles. Cats are reptiles’ natural enemies”. So I guess he was letting me know how I could figure out who was a giant lizard and who wasn’t. At that moment the logjam at the take-out window finally broke and I was able to get my coffee and go.

  20. Keenacat says is totally beyond insanity. Fractal nuttiness, I guess.
    “Dr. Gene Ray, Cubic and Wisest Human”. I’d love to see a photo. Is a cubic human something like spongebob squarepants? With or without the holes?

    Maybe we all should go shopping now, stockpiling essential goods… See, you guys elected Obama, so “slaughter like never seen before” is just around the corner.

  21. says

    See, you guys elected Obama, so “slaughter like never seen before” is just around the corner.

    I can only hope so. I’m tired of wearing this fake human suit over my reptilian form.

  22. David Marjanović, OM says

    There’s a reason that some people measure crazy websites in fractions of a Timecube.

    Not really in fractions… the scale is logarithmic, you see. 0.7 Tc is ten times as insane as 0.6 Tc.

    Is a cubic human something like spongebob squarepants?

    You misunderstand. “Dr.”, “Cubic” and “Wisest Human” are three different self-awarded titles. And you forgot “Greatest Thinker”.

  23. says

    To which I can only say…

    BUd UGlly DEsigN: raed it an dweep. (The link takes you past some of the most egregious web designisms on the front page.)

    That site still makes me RHOFUHL, 10 years later…

  24. Cliff Hendroval says


    I’m really not sure. I actually met another guy who apparently believed in lizard people – a contractor my wife was a part-time bookkeeper for. He was also into “Native American spirituality” of the most generic Newage type. (I never asked him if he cut out peoples’ hearts with an obsidian knife – after all, that’s part of Native American spirituality, too.)

    He isn’t the only wacky contractor around here. I interviewed with one – a guy who puts up medium-sized buildings like town libraries and such – who asked for my natal information and proceeded to run my astrological chart on his laptop while I was sitting there. At that point I hadn’t had a permanent job for over four years, so I kept my mouth shut.

  25. Janine, Bitter Friend says

    Cliff, was he using that to determine if he should hire you?

    Sad, the amount of stupidity that you sometimes have to take in order to get by. No wonder some of us get rowdy at this site, we are expressing what we wish we could say in real life.

  26. Cliff Hendroval says

    Janine @ 37

    Yes, I believe he was using it as at least part of why he should hire me. I know, it’s illegal as all hell, but as I said I had been out of a permanent job for four or five years at that point (I had two more to go, as it turns out), I was willing to put up with it. The employment service I was using at the time warned me that he might be a little odd, so I did the interview as much for them as for me.

    Enshoku @ 38

    Feel free; just send an e-mail to CliffHendroval at when you do so I can read it.

  27. DLC says

    I think I stayed away from Timecrumb on general principles.
    But, as I used to work nights and listen to Coast-to-Coast, back when Art Bell ran it, I know of Hoagland.
    He is, of course, delusional.

  28. herr doktor bimler says

    It’s because reptoids are color-blind
    Which is odd, since reptiles generally have trichromatic or even tetrachromatic vision.

  29. LightningRose says

    While Time Cube is arguably the Bull Goose Loony of the web, is still high on the list for both loonyness and craptastic website design.

    If this link looks familiar, it may be because the author, Marshall Hall, is closely tied to Georgia State Representative, and Creationist Whack Job, Ben Bridges.

  30. Charlie Foxtrot says

    I…I just couldn’t help myself. I had to…had to click the link to the Timecube…

    oh…oh OW! My eyes! The back of my eyes are bruised from my brain hammering on them trying to get out!

    now… over to David Icke. Hmmm- “Time to tell the TRUTH about Isreal”? This should be good. *deep breath*… here we gooooooo…

  31. Stephen Wells says

    There are no shape-changing lizards, just shape-changing hamsters disguised as shape-changing lizards. Anyone who says different is working for the furry overlords.