Lock up your chocolate, people!

As readers know, we already have to lock down our beer, wine, GoPro cameras and senior citizens because of the fucking squirrels and their ever-escalating war on human civilizaton. Now we have to protect our candy bar stashes too.

A number of sneaky squirrels have been caught on camera stealing chocolate bars at a convenience store in Toronto, Canada.

Store owner Paul Kim says he’s seen the thieves slink in every Autumn for the past nine years, but 2016 showed an increase in the robberies with one to two of the rodents visiting daily.

See? Escalation.

“I always see them sneaking outside the door, looking in my store, and even right at me!” Kim told online newpaper The Spec.

My. God. :o

“They come in and take Crunchies, Crispy Crunch, Wonderbar.”

Kim’s daughter Cindy said they’ve lost almost 50 bars this season, prompting her to set up surveillance cameras to catch the robbers in the act.

One video uploaded to Youtube has fetched more than 27,000 views.

Probably viewed by 27,000 squirrels. You know: for training purposes. Between my wine and now the chocolate, I’m going to have to invest in a much bigger safe. I think at this point I should just live in one.



  1. Siobhan says

    Surveillance cameras? What fucking good is footage of a theft by a squirrel going to do? Our police don’t even arrest criminals when they’re white and now you expect them to arrest SQUIRRELS?