North Carolina vs. Nature

In North Carolina, Republicans boast
That they vote as they vote, for the good of the coast;
They follow the science that Genesis teaches
Denying the rise of the sea toward the beaches
Denying the flooding; denying the storms;
Denying the change as the atmosphere warms;
Denying the models predicting the inches,
They sit and pass judgment, like so many Grinches
When shoreline developers ponder their fate
They’re required to use just the linear rate;
If a model is used that accelerates steeply
The users, by law, are in doo-doo, and deeply;
The model, so far as our legal force reaches,
Says life will be good for the folks on the beaches.

We’ve conquered the climate (from our point of view,
And the people denying our power are few);
It’s time to use law, as our magical spell,
To address other problems of nature as well:
If gravity causes our bodies to fall,
We’ll prevent it, by law, from existing at all!
Those troubling bits, of inertia and mass?
We can ban them, for being a pain in the ass!
If a physical constant is not what you need,
Like the value of pi, or the speed of light’s speed,
We can change it, or morph it, or nuke it, or ban it,
And make life much better for folks on our planet.
The forces of nature will simply withdraw…
When challenged by us… with the force of the law.

Context here and here.


  1. StevoR says

    Good one.

    So good there should be a law against it in fact! ;-)

    Personally the speed of light seems far too slow – lets ban it or or at leats make it a thousand times faster or so!

  2. carpenterman says

    PZ Myers posted about this the other day. The language is muddled and confusing at best, but it seems to be legislating denial… no data permitted that we don’t like.
    My advice to residents of NC… don’t invest in beach-front property. And for dog’s sake, vote these idiots out of office.

  3. Otrame says

    What it really is is a way for rich people developing on the coast to sell that land to individuals by saying that “yeah, it will still be above seawater in 20 years. See, here is our data.” It is the NC state legislature helping out on a con game.

    Admittedly, some of them are so pig-ignorant that they don’t realize that, but the wording makes it clear that the sponsors were well aware of what they were doing.

    Want a nice place on the beach in NC that you can give to your grandkids? They have some for sale.

  4. says

    Well done Cuttlefish. Ignoring science and looking to the bible can produce no result other than harming society. If the push to have this nonsense taught in schools is successful it will only serve to set back an entire generation of children.

  5. timberwoof says

    Want a nice place on the beach in NC that you can give to your grandkids? They have some for sale.

    Yeah … it’s what, twenty or thirty miles inland? Invest now.

  6. Crudely Wrott says

    Well, Cuttle, it is just as plain as the snoot
    In the middle of your face
    The powers are finer
    In North Carolina
    For the movers and shakers of this blessed place
    Are the true sons of good King Canute

  7. Thinker says

    A doctor, an engineer and a lawyer, all three good Christians, were discussing which of their professions was the oldest.

    The doctor said: “Look here, early on in Genesis, it says that a rib was taken out of Adam’s chest to create Eve. This is surgery — a doctor must have been present!”

    “Not so fast”, says the engineer, “Even earlier, it says that Order was created out of Chaos. This structuring, organisation and project planning must have required an engineer, so we must have been first!”

    The lawyer leans back, looks at the other two and asks: “And who do you think created Chaos?”

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