The Second Best Time To Plant A Tree

The experts have devised a plan
To let us open schools
To let us open shopping malls
And restaurants and pools
To let us open everything
In every single state!
It only lacks a time machine
Cos now’s too fucking late.

We’ve got a plan for open bars
And beaches, parks, and such
Gets rid of social distancing
So, once more, we can touch
Allowing us to doff the masks
That everyone has donned
The only thing that’s missing
Is a fucking magic wand

It takes a bit of sacrifice
But nothing too outrageous
We know we all must do our part;
The enemy’s contagious!
This plan combines and synthesizes
Everything we know
It’s perfect, if we start it six
Or seven months ago

If you can’t tell, I’ve been looking at the plans by states and universities to reopen classes. While also reopening beaches, parks, pools, malls, bars, restaurants, daycares, nail salons, museums, and professional sports. I have not seen one workable plan yet. They rely on magic tests (more available, more immediate, more accurate, and more accepted by the microchip-in-the-brain crowd than any tests we currently have), magic contact tracing, magic adherence to plans, and, frankly, magic people—people who don’t act the way they have been acting throughout the pandemic thus far.

Meanwhile, I have colleagues updating their wills, and my (still alive) parents planning their own socially distanced funeral. And I’m trying to figure whether it is a good thing or a horrible thing that I live alone.

And I know with every fiber of my being that I am one of the luckiest. So far, anyway.

Oh…. the title was meant to be hopeful. The best time to plant a tree (so the saying goes) is ten years ago. The second best time is today. The best time to do what is needed for this pandemic was many months ago. The second best time is today. You know the things that help, and the things that hurt.

My cat is yowling; I’m going to go see what’s up.

Stay safe.


  1. StevoR says

    Huh. Something weird happening here. Just posted but my comment not appearing here. Tried again and itsaid duplicate comment so.. huh. Anyhow, great to have youback Digital Cuttlefish. :-) Stay safe & hope your cats okay.

  2. StevoR says

    Still not worked? Okay. Take II :


    Stay safe and hope your cat is fine Digital Cuttlefish. Great to have you back again. :-)

    Best time to plant trees is Autumn and Winter here (Sth Oz) where rain softens the soil and allows them to get established so they can grow vigourously as the weather warms in Spring and be strong enough to survive the hot Summers with heatwaves and droughts and increasingly big bushfires in Summer. I’ve done a lot of tree & other vegetation (incl sedges, rushes, grasses and herbaceous little wildflowers) planting already in my life, working to establish local native flora and will keep doing that for decades to come if I can. Of course, best planting time – & species to plant – will vary depending on your location, local ecology and climate.

  3. L.Long says

    My 1st best way to plant a tree is at my funeral! Can you imagine how many trees can be planted if everyone who dies opts to have a natural burial with a mushroom shroud (process toxins) then plant a tree over your body.

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