Only unapproachable

Oh gosh, a helpful guy in Chicago wrote an open letter to the available single ladies of Chicago on how to make themselves more what he wants them to be, and he’s so helpful that he underlines the very point I was just making. The very same one!

I’m dying to stop you on the street and pay you the occasional compliment (“You’re really rocking that tweed dress today – I love your style.”). But I can’t – because you’re always walking around with your damn earbuds in (“Don’t talk to me!”) and your sunglasses on, even when they’re not necessary (which incidentally doesn’t make you look cool or sexy, only unapproachable).

See there? Unapproachable. Women are supposed to be, and to look, approachable. Either that, or like a bundle of dirty laundry.

Kara Brown at Jezebel points out that it’s no accident, this unapproachable look.

Little does this idiot know that he’s confirming to women around the globe that the tactics we’ve developed to avoid street harassment are working. They’re wearing the earbuds to ward off men exactly like you, genius. You ever notice how women don’t wear earbuds when they’re out to brunch with friends? Or when they’re with someone they actually like? Maybe there’s something to that.

Chicago guy ends with the old classic.

P.S.: Oh, and by the way, it’d be nice if your default expression was a smile – or, at worst, a merely neutral expression – instead of a scowl that says, “I’ll cut you off at the knees if you try to talk to me.” C’mon, is life really that bad? Just sayin’.

No it isn’t life that’s that bad.


  1. Al Dente says

    Damn, dude, obviously you don’t realize that nobody, particularly no stranger, owes you anything.

  2. Blanche Quizno says

    What good is it to have the world be your oyster if all the oysters are clammed tight shut??

  3. Numenaster says

    It’s even better than that. His Craigslist post ends with the stock “Do NOT contact me with unsolicited offers or services”. His post that argues for his right to DO EXACTLY THAT with any woman he wishes. The unawareness is staggering.

  4. Blanche Quizno says

    “You ladies need to acknowledge your responsibility to please me by providing a sufficiently pleasant, attractive, and eagerly receptive atmosphere for me.”

  5. funknjunk says

    Yup, my partner describes it as her “Bus face” or sometimes her “Bitch face”, and it works like a charm except in the most egregious cases of dudes who think it’s their right to pester others into paying attention to them ….

  6. says

    I’m curious how it gets instilled in male minds that women should line up to be noticed by them as if they are Zeus among Olympians and women should fall over from a golden haze of awe.

    befitting minions

  7. says

    Kinda makes me wish I could walk up to him and tell him that he’s rockin’ those pants he’s wearing, and ask him for his phone number. I’m betting he’d be fumbling for his headphones…

  8. Kevin Kehres says

    There are people who will demand that you smile for them, no matter if you’re a woman or not. This happens to me a lot (because my “walking down the street face” is kinda not-smiley).

    I actually had someone tell me to smile as I was getting ready to retrieve my fathers ashes from the crematorium. No kidding. I didn’t smash him in the nose — but only because I knew there would be paperwork involved.

    Not to go all evo-psych, but something tells me that humans are programmed to be discomfited by a non-smiling face, no matter the gender.

    Of course, the Craig’s List guy is just a self-absorbed creep. So, there’s that.

  9. Anthony K says

    I’ve done that, Marcus. Creeps really freak when you out-creep them. Keep your smile way too big and your personal space way too small. I have no idea if the lesson sinks in, though. I doubt it does.

  10. Athywren says

    This fucking attitude, I hate it. Women are not NPCs. This much should be obvious to any reasonable human being. Does it even occur to people like this that other people have their own thoughts and desires that most likely don’t even recognise their existence? Who cares if you wish that people who are not you would be perpetually open to your compliments or smile more often? Is a smile his default expression? It’s not mine. I very rarely smile, and when I do, people generally don’t notice because my smiles touch my eyes far more than my mouth. The only time it’s really noticeable is when my niece is around… then I smile so much that my fact actually starts to hurt
    If you really want to see more smiles in your daily life, why not, rather than acting as if women owe it to you to put on a fixed smile for your pleasure, why not try doing things that people enjoy? Comedians and musicians, to name just two examples, get far more smiles than random people in the street do.
    If you want to be able to pay compliments to women, why not try making friends with some? That way, not only will they be more interested in hearing basically anything from you, you actually stand a chance of getting a response that isn’t designed specifically to minimise the amount of time they have to spend dealing with you – if they really like you, they might even be willing to forgive the way you stare down their dresses as you compliment their style!

  11. Athywren says

    So… I got a spare moment and read the full thing over at Jezebel… are we totally sure this was legit? On one hand, I’ve heard and read that sentiment expressed more times than I can count, but the way the full version of this reads… either this is a parody, or it was posted by the king of the fedora people.

  12. Jackie says

    His problem is that women are doing what they want to (or need to) instead of what he wants them to do. Women are never to behave as if they think their bodies or time belongs to them.

  13. johnthedrunkard says

    Can Mr Craig’slist begin to grasp what women would experience if they went about obeying HIS notions of ‘accessibility?’

    The Safeway supermarket chain went through a loop a couple of years ago. Some management ‘genius’ handed down the commandment that checkers should smile at every customer. They had to reverse the order because the female clerks were being propositioned, and even followed in the parking lots.

    I’ve had a couple of (male) panhandlers tell me to smile. There was no chance of mistaking the aggression for ‘friendliness.’

  14. Who Cares says

    #Kevin Kehres(#8):
    About smiling on the street. It gets worse. If a woman walks around smiling on the street there is always at least one creep who thinks she is smiling at/for him. Gives women a great incentive to not smile when out in public.

  15. John Horstman says

    Little does this idiot know that he’s confirming to women around the globe that the tactics we’ve developed to avoid street harassment are working.

    Kara Brown is wrong and WAY too kind to the guy. As Amanda Marcotte points out, the dude absolutely understands that these women don’t want to talk to him. He says so directly.

  16. says

    And right there, right at the start of the comments on Jezebel, is some douchecanoe (who I gather is a regular troll, going by the replies) actually saying women should throw a bone to these poor, socially-awkward, sad dorks even though some of them shoot us dead. Nauseating.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *