A Minnesotan’s Brave Fight With A Non-Existent Black Man.

 The Dog Pound Bar in Owatonna was the scene of a wild fight between a man, alcohol, a weapon, and his own ego.

The Dog Pound Bar in Owatonna was the scene of a wild fight between a man, alcohol, a weapon, and his own ego.

A man who initially claimed he was shot in the arm by a black man has been revealed to be lying, because gosh, there were surveillance cameras outside the bar, and the cops looked at the footage. Just the brave Minnesotan in a private battle with a handgun while drunk.

Back in early March, Chris Thissen, of Waseca, told cops in Owatonna that he’d tussled with a gun-toting black man outside an Owatonna bar, having learned the dark-skinned would-be criminal was plotting to attack the bartender.

During the ensuing fight, the black man’s gun went off, striking Thissen in the arm; the mystery black assailant and a female companion then ran off.

Oooh, the discovery of a plot! I have to wonder just how long Mr. Thissen has been indulging in fantasies of being the very brave white hero against the evil black man, and his requisite girlfriend.

In a subsequent police interview, he changed his story, admitting he’d been at Owatonna’s Doug Pound Bar until close. Arriving at his vehicle, he told cops he “found” the revolver in there, and tried discerning “if it was loaded.” It was, as proven by the bullet he accidentally shot into his arm.

And, even when the truth comes out, it’s not altogether true: he “found” a gun! Yes, there was a gun just lying mysteriously in his car. Naturally, he doesn’t question this at all, or hurry to unload the thing on the cops, just in case it was used in an actual crime or anything, no. The most important thing to do is to figure out if it’s loaded, then to shoot yourself. As Mike Mullen so drily points out:

The black man described in Thissen’s original story is still at large. He is a suspect in hundreds of other police investigations, historically, and is expected to continue popping up at the scenes of crimes that did not happen.

Given the attitude of much of law enforcement towards people of a brown persuasion, it would be ever so nice if craven white people would stop blaming them for their own stupidity.

Via City Pages.


  1. says

    Outside the bar in the cold night air
    A large black man who wasn’t there
    Confided to me his cruel intention
    So I fought this man of my own invention.

    I did my duty, what I had to do!
    If you’d been there, sir, you would too!
    To stop this spectre doing harm
    I took a bullet in the arm.

    And still he pops up everywhere,
    This large black man who isn’t there,
    Hurting white folks every day.
    I wish that man would go away.

  2. says

    At least one of the gun magazines has a “This happened to me” type column where readers can submit their supposed use of guns for self defense. I wonder if the magazine does any fact checking before they print those stories, and how many of them might actually bullshit like this guy’s tall tale.

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