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Oct 26 2012

A modest proposal

Boy, that Mourdock fella is a real prize. He’s got his career plans wrong though. He wants to be a bishop, not a legislator.

He had a chat with some newspaper people in southern Indiana Wednesday, and there he elaborated on his thoughts about god and rape.

The wide ranging interview covered all topics, but the highlight came when a reporter asked if he believed God intended women to be raped:

“Personally I think that the closer you are to God, the less likely you are to run into something like that,” Mourdock responded, “Some of these women – if they had been more faithful to the Lord, if they had just prayed a little harder – then they wouldn’t have found themselves in that situation.”

So………in other words, “God” allowed them to be raped because they hadn’t been “faithful” enough and hadn’t prayed hard enough. They were slutting around on God and neglecting to tell him how great he is.

“I’ve seen marriages break up and friendships drift apart because someone wasn’t right with the Lord. I think the same is true in any situation. With Jesus Christ on your side, only good things will come.”

He then went on to propose a unique anti-rape measure:

“And in the case of rape Christ has a specific remedy. Studies have shown that if you pray for at least 20 minutes before any big date, your partner is 93% less likely to rape you.

“Scientists say prayer can create a ‘rape halo’ around a woman’s body which instantly renders a potential rapist impotent. I’m not sure how it works exactly. I think its pheromones.

“So I don’t think God wants a woman to get raped. He offers her a choice. The rape halo is only a prayer away. If she’s too lazy to get on her knees and ask for it, that’s her fault.”

Wait. Seriously?

No! It’s a satire. But it’s pretty convincing until you get to the halo.

 

13 comments

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  1. 1
    Cuttlefish

    Oddly enough, I had not yet scrolled down to “wait, seriously?”, when I actually did think “wait, seriously?”

    My own “modest proposal” was all too appropriate for Mourdock’s initial statement. http://freethoughtblogs.com/cuttlefish/2009/09/16/a-modest-proposal-jennifer-jennifer/

  2. 2
    Ophelia Benson

    I totally bought it until the halo. [blush]

  3. 3
    composer99

    I read your post, didn’t get it was satire & shared the article on Facebook. Egg on my face, for sure.

    Sad that it’s only a small mercy.

  4. 4
    Ophelia Benson

    Oops! Sorry. Well it is so very convincing…

  5. 5
    Martha

    The bad part? Mourdock is winning. I’d already voted against him before this came out (the real part, not the parody) and I regret that I have but one vote to give for his opponent. Who is somewhat better, but not great.

  6. 6
    mildlymagnificent

    Well, the ‘modest proposal’ was a bit of a giveaway.

    For me, the worst part is that it’s entirely possible for anyone, American or otherwise, to take this at all seriously. We have some, shall we say peculiar, people in Australian politics. And Britain is famous for various eccentrics.

    But they wouldn’t dare say anything in public that approaches the combination of simple-minded inanity and gross offensiveness that come from some USian politicians. The fact that these people feel free to say such things publicly at all is the real problem. And so many of them egging each other on!

    My heart sinks.

  7. 7
    SpriteSuzi

    Check out John Scalzi for another Modest Proposal…

    http://whatever.scalzi.com/2012/10/25/a-fan-letter-to-certain-conservative-politicians/

    It’s really well done.

  8. 8
    aziraphale

    composer99, I feel for you. I was already composing my Facebook post when I hit the “wait, seriously?”.

    I think we can be forgiven, though. After all at http://www.2heartsnetwork.org we find, among other “prayers for God’s protection”:

    “Oh St. Agatha, who withstood the unwelcome advances from unwanted suitors, and suffered pain and torture for your devotion to Our Lord, we celebrate your faith, dignity, and martyrdom.
    Protect us against rape and other violations, guard us against breast cancer and other afflictions of women, and inspire us to overcome adversity.”

    I presume someone thinks it works.

  9. 9
    Lou Doench

    Yeah, I’m actually gonna call foul here. Sure, it’s a hilarious joke. But every time someone posts this to their twitter feed or Facebook wall and has to walk it back that adds more ammo to the bad guys. We don’t need to put horrible words in Richard Mourdock’s mouth. He does that fine on his own.

  10. 10
    Marsha

    I heartily DISAPPROVE of liberals writing things that are satirical without making it STRIKINGLY clear from the outset that it is satire. It only makes “our side” – people who wish to be rational and like to sound rational – look foolish when such convincing things are shared by people on FB, etc. PLEASE, if you can’t say from the get-go, “here’s a little tale I wrote about Mourdock,” leave the satire to The Onion. These kinds of things are increasingly being “shared.” Let’s just share the REAL and ridiculous-enough statements. Please.

  11. 11
    ttch

    The original piece is on a news satire site, The Daily Currant (a play on “Current” as “Onion” is to “Union”). Today’s main page has these stories:

    - Mourdock: Rape Victims Should Have ‘Prayed Harder’

    - Romney: Instagram ‘Must Be Banned’
    (“apparently under the misapprehension that the popular photo sharing app is used for measuring quantities of illegal street drugs.”)

    - Investigation Reveals Lance Armstrong Never Had Cancer
    (his doping doctors faked his medical records to gain sympathy and endorsement deals)

    - Romney’s Touts His ‘Asian Binder’

    And of course,

    - Romney’s Binder Calls Lohan a ‘Fugly Slut’

    PZ recently banned “Poes” from his site. Something to consider.

  12. 12
    xmaseveeve

    It’s beyond satire. I agree we need a satire alert, because you can’t tell the difference! I totally believed it.

  13. 13
    Dave

    I thought it was convincing right up until the point you said it was fake. I didn’t even blink at the ‘halo’; it’s perfectly consistent with the rest of their positions.

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