A Modest Proposal (Jennifer, Jennifer)

Inspired by the comments (though not the actual initial post) on PZ’s post here. My verse is more a response to the general issue than to the specifics of the posted incident.

Jennifer, Jennifer, got herself pregnant,
The poor, irresponsible slut.
See, boys will be boys, so it’s up to the girls
To be moral, and keep their legs shut.
But Jennifer, Jennifer, couldn’t be bothered;
She led her young Billy astray.
They met, after classes, at Jennifer’s house,
And now there’s a kid on the way.

Jennifer, Jennifer, wants an abortion—
She says she’s too young for a baby—
But the law of the land says abortion is murder;
The answer is no, and not maybe.
See, murder is murder; we cannot condone
The destruction of innocent life.
And Billy, of course, is an innocent, too,
And he’s much, much too young for a wife.

So Jennifer, Jennifer, finds herself caught
In the view of a watchful Big Brother,
And Country and Church have a task on their hands—
How to keep the babe safe from its mother.
If murder is murder, for fetus or child,
Then surely assault is assault;
A fetus is damaged by drinking or smoking,
And all of it, Jennifer’s fault.

If Jennifer, Jennifer, falls down the stairs
Then the baby inside could be harmed;
And since that poor child is a ward of the state
It is right we should all be alarmed!
So Jennifer, Jennifer, needs to be safe
For the sake of the babe in her womb;
To keep the poor innocent safe from all harm,
Let’s keep Jennifer locked in her room.

But Jennifer, Jennifer, isn’t the first
Nor the last to be pregnant, you see.
The task that’s before us—protecting our children—
Is crucial, I think you’ll agree.
With the passing to law of my modest proposal,
I honestly think we’ll prevail.
It’s simple: Each woman who finds herself pregnant
Must spend the next nine months in jail.

Jennifer, Jennifer, shielded from harm
In a cell with a toilet and cot
With a closed-circuit camera, an unblinking eye,
For the safety of Jennifer’s tot.
When at last you deliver your new baby boy
We’ll whisk you right out through the door;
We care about kids while they’re inside your womb—
Once they’re out, we don’t care any more.

And Jennifer, Jennifer, can’t find her Billy—
Besides, he’s too young for a wife—
She weighs her alternatives, looks down each road…
And reluctantly takes her own life.

And the church says a prayer for the baby unborn
And a heartfelt and tearful farewell.
But Jennifer, Jennifer, so says the church,
Will be heading directly to hell.



  1. says

    And none of the people, looking to God
    Will acknowledge the relevant issue
    They stole the womb of a vulnerable girl
    For the sake of this mindless tissue
    The soul of which, not yet self aware
    Is untouchable, sacred, divine
    Yet the body of poor Jen, her mortal shell
    Was the church's baby mine
    For Jennifer, the tramp, was tarnished with sin
    She dared to share with another
    Her body we know, that belongs to the church
    Or husband, not her or her lover.
    But the baby we'll mourn, for that was a loss
    In terms we know how to compute.
    For the state, a taxpayer they could not squeeze
    For the church, a lost recruit.

  2. says

    Congrats, Cuttlefish, your poem made me very, very angry. Not at you, good sir, but at the situation so many women find themselves in. Been there, done that, came close to 'doing a Jennifer'.

  3. says

    Cuttlefish. Poetic commentOn the state of societyNecessitates theCreation of a Blogroll on my thus lackingWebsite. Prost! (Yes, I suck at haikus. But hey, your blog is so good that I'm actually going to get off my back and link it!)On a more serious note, this rings true in far too many places in the world, where a woman's body and reproductive facilities are considered subject not to her wishes, but the wishes of the church and of the state. I imagine, however, that you need no reminding of that.

  4. says

    Applause, applause!! Whistles, foot stomps!….and an incredible sadness, because it is truly the vision of the religious right and 'moral' 'majority'…


Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *