Finally, a homeopathic medicine that actually works!

It’s called Zicam Cold Remedy Nasal gel. Unfortunately, it doesn’t do a thing for colds…all it can do is destroy your sense of smell. It wasn’t caught before it was put on the market, because, get this:

The FDA said Zicam Cold Remedy was never formally approved because it is part of a small group of remedies that are not required to undergo federal review before launching. Known as homeopathic products, the formulations often contain herbs, minerals and flowers.

Minerals. Like lots of zinc, which can cause nerve damage.

We’re sorry, China

It’s nothing personal, but we’re getting a little worried about the economic competition you’ve been delivering lately, so we need to even the playing field a little. A couple of Christian evangelical real estate billionaires have created a Noah’s Ark tourist attraction in Hong Kong. Pretty soon you’ll be as stupid as we are.

Oh, wait! “Tourist attraction”? It’s supposed to poison the minds of the locals, not traveling Westerners! Dang. Maybe we can ship a few container ships full of Bibles and Chick tracts over there instead.

Frank Drake speaks

You’ve all heard of the Drake Equation, a little exercise in rough estimation which attempts to approximate the number of intelligent, technological species in our galaxy. Here it is, if you haven’t:

N=R* x fp x ne x fl x fi x fc x L

R* is the average rate of star formation per year in our galaxy
fp is the fraction of those stars that have planets
ne is the average number of planets that can potentially support life per star that has planets
fl is the fraction of the above that actually go on to develop life at some point
fi is the fraction of the above that actually go on to develop intelligent life
fc is the fraction of civilizations that develop a technology that releases detectable signs of their existence into space
L is the length of time such civilizations release detectable signals into space.

I think it’s an interesting exercise; even though most of the terms are rough guesses, nothing more, when you stack them all together you soon discover that even the most charitable estimates suggest that we could at best be dealing with only a handful of potential equals in the whole galaxy, and the galaxy is a very, very large place. (I’m not one of the charitable estimators: I’d guess very low on those last 3 parameters, and get an N of less than one.)

Drake is interviewed in Spiegel, and he leans toward the optimistic side, in more ways than one. He seems to think that any aliens out there would have matured out of primitive hostility (or survived selection for cooperation), which I don’t buy. I suspect that if the human race could leave our solar system, we’d be a rather rapacious horde in our little corner of the galaxy, so I think that human temperament and history argues against that hopeful wish.

Anyway, another tidbit that I think argues against benign aliens: intelligent species would also carry a load of delusions, just like us.

Drake: Actually, one of my worst nightmares is that we find a signal and it will be an advertisement for a religious cult.

SPIEGEL ONLINE: Why would that be a nightmare?

Drake: I want to learn more about a civilization than just its belief in the supernatural. Religion is an important part of the culture but may not help to improve the quality of life in a civilization. Maybe their religion is a really good one, but I doubt it.

SPIEGEL ONLINE: That makes it sound like you’re not religious.

Drake: I am not a religious person.

Everyone chant: One of us!

Now that that’s out of the way, the possibility he advances is a horrifying prospect. If religion is a natural and intrinsic part of a sapient’s way of thinking (which I don’t believe, by the way, but I’m often told by the pro-religion camp that it is), it’s another reason to hope we never meet an extraterrestrial, space-faring species. I’m pretty sure they wouldn’t believe in Jesus, Mohammed, Vishnu, or Xenu. And all I need is space missionaries knocking on my door on Saturday mornings.

Pepper an Australian poll

A majority (60%) of Australians think same-sex marriage is just fine. The story has an associated poll, though, and the results are tipped just a little bit the other way. What’s wrong here? Fix it!

Are you in favour of same-sex marriage in Australia?

Yes
44%
No
55%

We might have some opposition on this one. A Christian, anti-science, anti-choice, anti-gay organization called Salt Shakers is pushing this poll, too. We must defeat them. Steamroller the salt shakers!

They must be weak in Wisconsin

Ah, poor Wisconsin…our neighboring state to the east, where the people are frail and frightened, and unable to cope with the rigors of reality. (That ought to get a few of them fired up, don’t you think?)

There is a little dustup going on in the town of West Bend, Wisconsin. The local bluenoses noticed that there are books that discuss human sexuality in the library — and some of them are even written for teenagers! Teenagers, of course, never think about sex and have no interest in the subject unless some vile prurient publication stirs them up, so the crusaders for purity are stridently demanding that these books be removed from view.

One particular target of their fury is a book by Francesca Lia Block, Baby Be-Bop, which commits the sin of writing positively about young gay men and negatively about gay bashing. A group called the Christian Civil Liberties Union has filed suit over the book, since it exists at the library, and they don’t like it.

The plaintiffs, all of whom are elderly, say their mental and emotional well-being were damaged by the book at the Library, the claim states.

That must be one powerful book. It sits on a shelf balefully, emanating damaging gay-rays that permeate the whole town, and disrupting the sexual health of its inhabitants. Perhaps the elderly are especially fragile and sensitive to its effects. Imagine some tired old codger, exhausted after a lifetime of aggressive heterosexuality, sitting in his easy chair before the TV, and suddenly he starts feeling frisky at the sight of Matlock reruns — it must be distressing. And the fault must lie in some kids’ book sitting in a library a few miles away, undermining their ancient manliness.

The prudes have created a blog, and it’s clear that it isn’t just gay sexuality that terrifies them, it’s any sexuality. They link to a couple of pages from books that horrify them: they don’t like sex ed with illustrations kids can understand, fiction that talks about high school kids’ experiences with sex and drugs, or books about female sexuality.

It’s pathetic and sad. I shouldn’t laugh at Wisconsin too much, though, since this really is the work of a timid minority — the city had a referendum on whether the library should censor these books, and the majority said no. That has just inflamed them, though, and now the puritans are suing for the right to burn books.

It always gets down to that with the knuckle-draggers, doesn’t it?

I offer them a compromise. They already have the right to burn books: all they have to do is buy a copy, take it home, and toss it into the fireplace. That’s not at all illegal! Unfortunately, what they want is the right to burn other people’s books, and I’m sorry, that would be uncivilized.

An outing

A short while ago, the blogosphere was irate over the outing of the identity of a pseudonymous blogger, Publius. The outing followed the usual pattern: pseudonymous blogger annoys right-winger who can’t cope, right-winger lashes out by revealing the name behind the pseudonym (as if that somehow addresses the criticisms), then right-winger sits back and starts defending himself: “he deserved it”, “he shouldn’t expect to be anonymous”, “anonymity is bad, anyways”. It’s so damned stupid.

I have no problem with people using pseudonyms, especially since, as in the case of Publius, there was a consistent voice behind the name, and the person was not trying to avoid being called on his ideas (the fly-by-night, daily change of names by some trolls and sock puppets is a different thing altogether — that is an attempt to avoid being pinned down). When an outer decides to reveal a name behind the identity, though, that is simply an act of cowardice — an attempt to run away from engagement with the ideas to switch to personal intimidation. It is contemptible, no matter what your motivation.

Now we have another example: the Canadian Cynic has been outed. A sanctimonious right-wing she-git declared his identity because he called her mean names, and then justified it this way:

Outing bloggers isn’t usually my thing. I don’t see a point to it. But when you repeatedly abuse and demean people because they do not march in lockstep with you, I’m sorry but you deserve it.

Ah, sweetly stupid rationalizations — don’t they do such a good job of exposing the quality of the intellect behind them? It usually isn’t her thing…but she did it. I want to see a murderer try this defense: “I don’t kill people every day, it was just this one time!” Yeah, that makes it OK. Then she says she didn’t see a point to it…so what was her point? She doesn’t have one. She’s just lashing out angrily, as we can see in her next excuse: he deserved it. She sees it as a punishment. Which, of course, is why she also links to his business in her outing post.

If you know that something is wrong, since you admit to avoiding doing it, and if you know that there is no point to it other than to try to hurt someone personally and materially, there is a simple rule to follow: don’t do it. If you do it anyway, that just means you’re a self-confessed douchebag.

Besides, those of us who have known Canadian Cynic for a long time are just laughing. Larry Moran has known his identity for years. So have I.

i-1194b4de74a4c614da429a9228611329-canadiancynic.jpeg
Photo by Lost Marbles

It’s an open secret — the people who outed him are no geniuses, that’s for sure, and it wasn’t that hard to track him down. It was pointless, trivial, and accomplished nothing but expose his critics as petty cranks, confirming what CC has been saying about them all along.

And will his exposure change his behavior? Why, no. Like I said, many of us have known him for a long time, and by his work against creationism (under his full name) and his acerbic posts on usenet (under his own name). I expect him to be even more vocal now.

Case in point: he’ll be speaking in Toronto on 3 July, on the subject of Creationism, ID and the Douchebaggery of Really Bad Arguments: An Evening with the Canadian Cynic.

Ooooh. He sounds really intimidated.

An abortion debate…with a poll!

Read an online debate between Troy Newman, stooge from Operation Rescue, and Cristina Page, a legitimate advocate for reproductive rights, and then vote on who made the best case. Newman made the same hypocritical arguments the anti-abortionists always make, so I know where my vote went. But of course the knee-jerk goons from Operation Rescue have already hit the poll, and Newman is claiming to have won.

Well, sure, the poll shows Newman leading Page 54:46 right now, but that might just change soon. You think?

University Of Metaphysical Sciences…right nearby!

I thought I knew of all the institutions of higher learning in my neighborhood, but I seem to have missed one: The University Of Metaphysical Sciences, located in the small town of Kandiyohi, Minnesota. I even know exactly where that is — it’s just outside of Willmar, where my wife works every day.

You might be wondering what, exactly, you would learn at a University Of Metaphysical Sciences. Well, that isn’t clear. You get to learn about Colors and Symbols, and Chakras, and how to connect with Angels (if I were younger, I’d be tempted to get a degree in that, just so I could use it as a pick-up line), and Miracles, and the Energy of Money.

How much does it cost? Tuition is a low, low $2000. It’s even cheaper than it sounds, because they assure us that most students can complete a full Ph.D. program in only a year — it’s so quick and easy, they even recommend that you get two doctoral degrees! I’m feeling slow and inadequate now…it took me five years to get just one.

What about accreditation? Well, accreditation, they assure us, is entirely optional and not necessary, but just in case, they do have accreditation from the American Alternative Medical Association and the American Association Of Drugless Practitioners. That really should count as just one, though: their webpages look identical, only the names, fonts and backgrounds have been changed, and they all trace back to the same small town outfit in Gilmer, Texas. They seem to be in the business of selling certificates to hang on a wall (only $285, they accept both Visa and MasterCard), so at least they seem to be UMS’s peer institutions!

And just what can you do with a Ph.D. in Metaphysics? I wish I could say you learn how to fly, negate energy fields, and speak dolphin, but this is all you can do:

A degree from University Of Metaphysical Sciences qualifies a graduate to perform official ceremonies such as ministerial work, weddings, spiritual counseling, teaching, lecturing on the international circuit, credentialed book writing, setting up a spiritual center, and a variety of other services.

Isn’t that just…fluffy? Makes me want to run down to Kandiyohi and, I don’t know, piss in their mail slot or something. Or maybe explain to their students that their accrediting institutions are mail drops in Texas, that their degrees are completely worthless, that none of their credits will ever transfer to a legitimate college, and that no, a mail-order diploma from a joke like UMS does not give you any credibility on the international lecture circuit.