Minneapolis lulz opportunity

If anyone is in the Roseville area tomorrow, somewhere near Northwestern College, you might have an entertaining time if you drop in on a meeting of the Twin Cities Creation Science Association. I can’t even imagine what they’re going to say in this one.

God’s Design in Weather

Weather is more talked about
than any other topic. God has
arranged the weather system on
the earth. There are patterns to
this weather. How does a tornado
form? What causes hurricanes?
Why aren’t raindrops larger?
Science is about finding patterns
and then predicting what will
happen. The study of weather
allows us to think God’s thoughts
after him.

What does that even mean? Should someone bring up God’s apparent hatred of trailer parks?

Temporary full-time job opening in cell and microbiology at UMM

Full-Time, One-Year Faculty Position in Biology

University of Minnesota, Morris

The University of Minnesota, Morris seeks an individual committed to excellence in undergraduate education, to fill a full-time, one-year position in biology beginning August 17, 2009. Responsibilities include: teaching undergraduate biology courses including an introductory level cell biology course for majors (with lab), an upper-level microbiology course for majors (with lab), and contributing to other courses that support the biology curriculum. Excellent fringe benefits and a collegial atmosphere accompany the position. The standard teaching load is twenty credit hours per year.
Candidates must be at least A.B.D. in cell biology, microbiology, or a closely related field by August 17, 2009. Experience and evidence of excellence in teaching undergraduate biology is required. (Graduate TA experience is acceptable). Preference will be given to applicants having the Ph.D. in hand. 

The University of Minnesota, Morris (UMM) is one of the top public liberal arts colleges in the nation. As one of five campuses of the University of Minnesota, UMM has a unique mission and offers the best of both in the world of higher education–a small, close-knit campus complemented by the power of a world-renowned research University system. UMM is located 160 miles WNW of Minneapolis in a small (5000) rural community.  Our student body is diverse (16% students of color) and academically well-prepared, with 63% earning an ACT comprehensive score of 25 or higher and over 50% drawn from the top 25% of their high school classes.  Our faculty have received 33 of the University system’s highest teaching award and are very active in research and publication.  To learn more about the University of Minnesota, Morris visit our website at http://www.morris.umn.edu.

Applications must include a letter of application, resume, transcripts, a teaching statement with evidence of teaching effectiveness, and three letters of reference. Send applications to:

Biology Search Committee Chair
Division of Science and Mathematics
University of Minnesota, Morris
Morris, MN 56267-2128

Applications will be accepted until the position is filled. Screening begins April 17, 2009. Inquiries can be made to Ann Kolden, Executive Office and Administrative Specialist, at (320) 589-6301 or koldenal@morris.umn.edu.
The University of Minnesota is an equal opportunity educator and employer.  We are committed to the policy that all persons shall have equal access to its programs, facilities, and employment without regard to race, color, creed, religion, national origin, sex, age, marital status, disability, public assistance status, veteran status, or sexual orientation.  To request disability accommodations, please contact Sarah Mattson at 320-589-6021.

Replace me!

Look up. The next thing I’m going to post is a job ad…you need a job, right?

I’m going on sabbatical next year, leaving a small hole in our staff that we need to plug up with someone as clever and resourceful and pedagogically exciting as me. Don’t be intimidated, though! We’ll take someone who knows cell biology and microbiology well, would like to join our team at a university that values education highly, and doesn’t mind a little spatio-temporal isolation in our remote corner of the universe. It’s a good career step for new graduates to take, too — a year spent here looks very, very nice on the teaching section of your résumé.

By the way, you won’t actually be replacing me (I like to imagine I am irreplaceable). My colleagues have juggled their schedules to cover the essential courses I teach, and we’re also trying to fill the job of a retiring faculty member…so you’d actually be taking the place of two faculty members and helping fill the gaps left by my colleague’s shifting of schedules. Think how important you’ll be to us! (Don’t worry, though, it’s still just a 1.0 FTE position. We’ll try not to overwork you.)

This is unheard of!

My university has closed the campus, and we’re supposed to shoo everyone off towards home, all because of a little blizzard. It’s like a Snow Day!

Unfortunately, getting kicked out of work just means I have to go home to Morris. In a blizzard. With everything shut down and locked up tight. Well, I hope I don’t get lost in a whiteout and freeze to death while trying to find the door to my house…


2:37. Made it home, covered in snow. All that wind also blows the snow in through every crevice — took my coat off and shed snow on everything. Afraid to go to the bathroom now.


3:10. Have discovered that the cupboard is bare. Should have stockpiled food yesterday. Too late now — the car is a chunk of ice, and there’s no way I’m walking outside.

Contemplating cannibalism.


3:28. Darn. Wife is snowbound in Willmar and will be spending the night there, so I’m going to be home alone. There goes the cannibalism idea. May have to carve out a chunk of my own thigh to survive.

Wait! The cat!


3:48. Took a long hard look at the cat. I’m not that hungry. Back to palpitating thigh for tenderness.


4:01. CAAAAABBIIIIIIIIIIINNNN FEEEEEEEEEEEEVVVER!!!!


4:32. I’m feeling better now. I found the Narwhal song, and I’m playing it over and over. I won’t go insane now, no sir.


“Narwhals, Narwhals, swimmin’ in the ocean causing a commotion ’cause they are so awesome”. They are the jedi of the sea!


4:5B. sed5r hiujok pl[5678yhiu 9 ojm89uhiy ghe45e drt cf.


5:05! Wait! I found everything I need for waffles! And some hot cocoa mix hidden away in a cupboard! I’m saved! Waffle orgy at my house tonight! Sanity…restored!

I’m still going to be singing that Narwhal song for a while, though.

Greg Laden has a big advantage over me

He was probably able to get home before midnight last night. You can now read his description of the social events around Dawkins’ visit, and a much more thorough account of the talk itself.

One other point that I should emphasize. This talk presented an overview of how we should look at the appearance of design in the universe, for a general public. While I heard some complaints that there was nothing new in it, that’s the way this had to be: it was a synthesis of a position.

Dawkins is often given a rap as one of those ultradarwinians who see every detail of life as the explicit product of carefully honed selection. For me, what was interesting in this talk was how clearly he repudiated that position. In several places, he contrasted what he called a “naive Darwinist” perspective with reality, and showed that the strawman didn’t hold up. A major point was also that features that may very well have evolved with a core that was selected for can have side-effects, and been subverted to non-adaptive purposes, and that these features may represent a significant element of the species’ character. He talked quite a bit about the flexibility of the human brain, a property that was the product of selection, yet that same flexibility means it can be reprogrammed into deleterious byways, such as religion or fanaticism or unthinking patriotism.

It was all stuff that I agreed with, and didn’t surprise me at all. Similarly, The God Delusion didn’t contain anything radical or new. The virtue of these kinds of talks and books is that they pull many commonly held ideas together into a coherent fusion that can be more readily absorbed by a larger number of people who haven’t yet taken in all of the underlying evidence.

Wild night on the town for a godless nerd

I may be getting too old for this.

Yesterday, I finished up teaching at 1 in the afternoon, then had to leap into the Pharyngulamobile and drive, drive, drive to Minneapolis. I got together with Lynn Fellman and Greg Laden for a hasty dinner before I had to go move my car and park prior to Richard Dawkins’ talk. This was almost a disaster; it turns out that last night, at the same time as the talk, there was a basketball game scheduled. The streets were packed, parking was a nightmare, and I only got to Northrop Auditorium with a whisker of time to spare. Many of the attendees seem to have run into the same problem, as I noticed that people were dribbling in well into the middle of the talk. (No, not dribbling large orange balls…dribbling as in trickling, and looking a little stressed from the struggle to get into the parking garages.)

I introduced Dawkins almost on time, though. I got applauded, even though I only spent less than a minute talking — or maybe because I spent less than a minute talking.

Dawkins’ talk was good. He’s trying to make a strong distinction with a word that’s already greatly overloaded in the English language: “purpose”. His point was clear, that we really can mean a lot of very different things when we describe the purpose of something, and that especially when we’re talking about biology, “purpose” does not imply “designed with intent”. One excellent example of the way “purpose” is abused was shown: Ray Comfort’s infamous banana rationalization. It made the bit even more hilarious to see after Dawkins had warned us of the habit of too many people to use “purpose” too freely to imply intent — Comfort was the perfect bad example. I’m a bit dubious that Dawkins’ word coinages — “archi-purpose” for describing the function of an evolved structure, like a bird’s wings, and “neo-purpose” for novelties produced as a consequence of prior innovations, and which are often subverted to undermine a Darwinian function — but that’s always the problem with attempts to introduce new terms. Language is a slippery beast that will twist beneath your efforts to tame it.

Dawkins did do a book-signing afterwards, at which a huge crowd appeared. I was very impressed at the man’s well-practiced signing technique — he got through everyone quickly, and he didn’t seem to suffer the slightest crippling of the wrist for his trouble.

We then had a pub night, at the Campus Club in Coffman Memorial Union. As you know, we’d kept it a bit mum so we wouldn’t be overwhelmed by a swarm descending on the place, but just by word of mouth we had well over a hundred people in attendance. Richard got his beer, I had non-alcoholic stuff (no fun, but I had a long drive ahead of me), and there was a buffet of good food that vanished amazingly fast. All thanks to Rick Schauer who set up and hosted the event! We had more mobs of people swarming Richard and getting photos taken with him; look for them to bloom all over Facebook today. It was a good opportunity to make a more informal acquaintance with the famous Dr Dawkins than the usual lecture followed by departure, so if you didn’t get the super-semi-secret directions to the party, you missed out on a splendid evening.

We wrapped up and left about 11pm. I know, the night was still young! Alas, I had a three hour drive home ahead of me. I survived it, got home, passed out…briefly. Now I’m up getting ready for my 8am class. Fortunately, it’s student presentations today, so I just have to be awake enough to listen attentively. Have pity on one of my students in that class (Hi, Levi!) who was also in attendance last night, and has to describe frequency shifting in bat calls this morning. It’s good practice for the madcap life of the scientist!

Of course, I’m older than my students. I may just have to drag myself into a dark corner after class and fall into a coma for a few hours in order to recover. I hope you aren’t expecting voluminous posting today…my exhausted brain needs to reboot, I think.

I don’t know how Dawkins does it. He’s just come off of a trip to Michigan, and will be in Oklahoma tomorrow. He is clearly made of tougher stuff than I am.

Movie star for a day

The last time I was interviewed on location here in Morris was the fateful day that I was taped for a little movie that became Expelled…and we know how that turned out. It’s happening again, only this time it’s not some secretive intelligent design proponent coming in on false pretenses: it’s Josh Timonen of the Richard Dawkins Foundation stopping by. I think I’m fairly safe this time, and don’t expect to be turned into the villain of the documentary they’re putting together.

It takes some dedication to do this. We’re a long 3 hour drive from the nearest airport, reached by way of a notorious series of speed-traps, it’s -10°F, snow is piled high in deep drifts all around, and once you get here, well, you’re in the tiny town of Morris. It’s a pleasant place to live, but it isn’t exactly renowned for its tourist appeal. I think it’s easier to get to Ulan Bator than here.

Say what?

Speaking of incessant, grating whines…here’s another Minnesota pest, Michele Bachmann. She spoke at the Conservative Political Action Conference (by invitation…how deranged have the Republicans become, anyway?) and offered this jewel of logic:

I just wondered that if our founders thought taxation without representation was bad, what would they think of representation WITH taxation?

Don’t even try to comprehend the strange thoughts that flit through that tiny brain.

Heat wave!

i-2e05cc404696527b41f6859c968a92ce-deck.jpeg

The temperatures are soaring out here in Morris, Minnesota, rising to a balmy -9°F/-23°C today, after a miserable week in which both our cars show signs of failure (one is still dead in the driveway) and we discovered the limitations of our house heating systems and insulation — once Spring arrives, some lucky contractor in our neighborhood is going to pocket a bunch of our money to fix this place up. But today…woo hoo, gang, let’s get out on the deck and barbecue. Or not.

Now I’m wishing I could have made it to the Science Online ’09 conference, in tropical North Carolina. Unfortunately, uncertainties about money, the definite certainty that I will be scraping by on half pay next year, and the emerging certainty that we will face some serious home-owning expenses soon nixed that whole plan. I know, it’s so disillusioning — y’all think I’m living a life of glamor and luxury up here in the exotic northlands, but the truth is that I’m living on the average professorial salary, and the only way I can keep the luxurious Trophy Wife is by making sure she’s snowed in most of the time and can’t escape.