Jen Gunter doesn’t just do vaginas

I’m relieved, I was feeling left out. Surely there aren’t any weird crank ‘wellness’ things for penises, are there? I’m not going to try and slide a jade egg up my urethra, after all.

But behold, there is something almost as bizarre. It’s Jiftip! It’s basically a piece of tape to put over the tip of your penis to prevent ejaculation.

Gunter explains why this was a bad idea, but I figured it out from the ad copy. It’s either very poorly written, or they’re hinting at horrors which will occur if you use this product. Or both.

Cover the tip and seal it tight. Nothing gets in or out until you remove it. Make sure and remove it in time.

In time for what? What happens if you don’t remove it in time? How do you know when the time is right?

An indoor penis party

IS IT SAFE TO HAVE AN INDOOR JIZZ-FEST-to hold everything inside? Feel safe-be safe requires you pull-out, remove the feel shield and ejaculate. That’s it, safe and worry-free. Oh, if she notices tears in your eyes, let her believe that it’s true love.

I’m already kind of squicked out at INDOOR JIZZ-FEST, but being safe requires that you pull out and remove the device? Again, what is unsafe about all of this? Will my penis explode?

And hang on there, I might cry after using it, and I’m supposed to lie to her about true love?

Ominous. I’m not liking this at all. Don’t read the testimonials.


  1. Azkyroth, B*Cos[F(u)]==Y says

    I wonder if calculating the back pressure that would produce would count towards my PE experience… O.o

  2. cartomancer says

    I might be being very naive here, but… why? What on earth is this supposed to actually do?

  3. says

    And why not just use a little tiny cock cork? (of course MINE would be enormous!!!) (OH! And you try saying “cock cork” quickly 20 times….)

  4. says

    While I’m on a roll…
    When a Mummy and a Daddy are in love, but not enough in love to want to actually want to become a Mummy and a Daddy….

  5. davidnangle says

    Ah… brings to mind a term from a previous career of mine… “retrograde ejaculation.” Never thought anyone would happily create another cause of it.

  6. cartomancer says

    So… it’s an alternative to a condom. That doesn’t actually work, and costs more. But with added new-age spirit woo.

    Is that the deal here?

  7. blf says

    This is Mensez for men. Which, as a reminder, “is simply a stick of glue to…glue…your vagina…shut.”

    This new woo-woo has the slight advantage it conceivably could work, at least until the pressure builds up enough to cause something to explode. Whether it’s the internal value / plumbing, external glued-on cork, or, uh, shaft, I won’t speculate, but none sounds like a very good idea. Although the mildly deranged penguin points out there will be plenty of LOUD screaming, which is is a plus…

  8. Pierce R. Butler says

    Is this what Moochylini meant when he complained that Bannon was cock-blocking him?

  9. says

    Retrograde ejaculation where the semen is diverted into the bladder is and was sometimes induced intentionally (“coitus saxonicus”). However the urethra is blockedby squeezing the perineum or the base of the penis, not at the very end.

    Further I do not think that removing a patch of sticky material from the tip of the glans would be an experience one would want to repeat with any regularity whatsoever. The pressures involved are probably actually pretty high so the glue would have to stick pretty strongly. Ouch. Any pleasure thus gained due to the lack of barrier (condom), seems thus nullified.

    The failure rate would in all probability be much higher than that of condoms.

    tldr: I would not even try and test it, I shudder at the very idea.

  10. says

    I’d guess that the idea is to prevent any pre-ejaculation semen from getting out while you’re having your jollies, but you’re meant to pull out before ejaculation. So it’s a way to make the withdrawal method slightly more reliable as contraception, maybe? Perhaps because withdrawal isn’t really contraception, so it’s not a sin? Just buy condoms already, confess your sin, and everybody’s happy.

  11. says

    Further thought, I guess it might also be for the bros who want natural skin contact but not the hassle of conception. Still doesn’t do much for the risk of STDs, though.

  12. carlie says

    I assume it was exactly for what NelC said at 17 – skin contact.

    1. It will fall off.
    2. It will be… difficult… to retrieve.
    3. There will be trips to the ER to find it, whatever body cavity it happens to be stuck in.

  13. rrhain says

    From personal experience, retrograde ejaculation is not fun. It hurts like hell and the valve that closes off the ureters during sexual arousal can tear and cause bleeding.

    This is a stupid thing.

  14. Ichthyic says

    did anyone even read their advertisement?

    DISCLAIMER: Use only for pleasure, convenience, novelty, or entertainment purposes only. THOU SHALT NOT USE IT FOR PREGNANCY OR STI PREVENTION PURPOSES.

    so.. don’t use it for what their advertising it for….

    I’m thinking this is some kind of troll.

  15. Ichthyic says

    oh, btw, if some guy named “Sam” comes here…

    pretty sure he’s the inventor.

  16. says

    The image shown on Gunter’s site says “Use Condom: You feel safe, nothing else.” Bullshit! It doesn’t feel /as/ good, but it certainly feels good enough for people to reach orgasm.