I’m relieved, I was feeling left out. Surely there aren’t any weird crank ‘wellness’ things for penises, are there? I’m not going to try and slide a jade egg up my urethra, after all.
But behold, there is something almost as bizarre. It’s Jiftip! It’s basically a piece of tape to put over the tip of your penis to prevent ejaculation.
Gunter explains why this was a bad idea, but I figured it out from the ad copy. It’s either very poorly written, or they’re hinting at horrors which will occur if you use this product. Or both.
Cover the tip and seal it tight. Nothing gets in or out until you remove it. Make sure and remove it in time.
In time for what? What happens if you don’t remove it in time? How do you know when the time is right?
An indoor penis party
IS IT SAFE TO HAVE AN INDOOR JIZZ-FEST-to hold everything inside? Feel safe-be safe requires you pull-out, remove the feel shield and ejaculate. That’s it, safe and worry-free. Oh, if she notices tears in your eyes, let her believe that it’s true love.
I’m already kind of squicked out at
INDOOR JIZZ-FEST, but being safe requires that you pull out and remove the device? Again, what is unsafe about all of this? Will my penis explode?
And hang on there, I might cry after using it, and I’m supposed to lie to her about true love?
Ominous. I’m not liking this at all. Don’t read the testimonials.