Ted Storck will never let it die

We suffered for several years with this godawful cheap, loud, and frequent (every 15 minutes, from 5am to 10pm) electronic chime system that was installed in the cemetery a few blocks from my home. The guy who donated it lived miles away, and eventually retired to Arizona, after which we finally got the noisy monstrosity taken down, and a blissful, hymn-free silence settled over the neighborhood.

But Ted Storck cannot let it be. He still occasionally sends letters to the local paper, and they publish them. He’s very bitter, and feels that his inability to inflict Christian hymns on strangers is yet another example of persecution.

In church, we often sing the hymn, “They will know we are Christians by our love, by our love, they will know we are Christians.”

Looking at the world today, you’d figure there are no Christians. This is especially evident on social media comments online, where folks are just vicious with their hateful comments. I am certain many of those comments come from Christians, or people who call themselves Christians.

I am the victim of very hateful comments over the Carillion bell system I had placed at the cemeteries in Morris. The worst came from an avowed atheist, a teacher at UMM, and his followers, but many hateful comments came from folks who claim to be Christians, or, at least, go to a Christian church here in Morris.

It has got to stop here in Stevens County and around this great country. Let folks know you are Christian by your love.

It’s true. “TURN THE DAMNED NOISE DOWN!” is a very hateful, anti-Christian sentiment, and true, loving Christianity requires turning the volume up to 11 and playing “Onward, Christian Soldiers” at everyone.

I recognize Christians not by their love, but by their sanctimonious arrogance and their pernicious whining about their victimhood.


  1. birgerjohansson says

    I recall you wrote that if Christians have the right to inflict their chimes on everyone, then you and other Minnesotans have the right to inflict lutefisk on everyone.
    So I suggest you get your posse together for a trip to Arizona, and a weapons-grade lutefisking. Without the sauce that makes the stuff edible.

  2. Rich Woods says

    Many years ago, at the age of 18 (give or take a year), I was a regular in a pub which was the first I ever knew to play music from a system controlled from behind the bar, rather than from a juke box. One evening, after the 93rd rendition of Simon and Garfunkel’s ‘Mrs Robinson’ (a song I used to like), I pulled the wires out of the speaker by our table and then out of the speaker near the bar at that end of the pub. No-one complained, not even the bar staff.

    Didn’t anyone ever think of making a similar visit to the offending cemetary?

  3. Nerd of Redhead, Dances OM Trolls says

    . Let folks know you are Christian by your love.

    That love should include not bothering anybody, Xian or atheist, with your noise WITHOUT THEIR WRITTEN PERMISSION.
    A recent signed/dated letter from your imaginary deity would help your claims. Otherwise, it is just your imposing your will upon others, against their will, which was arrived at via democratic process within the city. Now, what is your real problem????

  4. slithey tove (twas brillig (stevem)) says

    Ted Stork’s behavior can easily be stereotyped as a lonely old retiree with not much to do besides complain about the present, wishing to return to the “golden years” of his youth. He previously had those chimes sounding, and wants them to continue, as his last grasp attempt at immortality.
    Yes I’m an ageist, rebelling trying to rebel against the doors I’m approaching so quickly.

  5. kestrel says

    Why is it never anyone’s Sincerely Held Religious Belief to leave other people alone?

  6. says

    @kestrel at #6: Why is it never anyone’s Sincerely Held Religious Belief to leave other people alone?

    As far as I know all Jewish denominations have a prohibition against proselytizing nonjews. You never see a bunch of orthodox types hammer on your door to try to convert you to Judaism. This prohibition is at least partly from their history of having to fend off centuries of Christian proselytization.

    (The ban within Judaism does not completely eliminate bothering other Jews, and the Chabad types often bother other Jewish folks).

    I also doubt very much that the Quakers have bothered you much lately. Though they might set up completely-silent carillons.

  7. whheydt says

    Re: kestrel # $5…
    That was probably the Shakers. Notice how many of them there are around now.

  8. Menyambal says

    I wonder how this yobbo would feel knowing that Muslims put up loudspeakers with their religious noises blasting out several times a day? Actually, the muzziens and the calls to prayer sounded lovely, until they cranked it up to eleven. Seriously, can nobody show some restraint in their blasted blasting? An amplifier and speaker being over-driven goes distorted as heck. Volume is not all there is to communication.

  9. grumpyoldfart says

    Where I live the Muslims have never been allowed to use loudspeakers at the mosque. These days the call to prayer is delivered by text message. (I don’t know what they did before cell phones came along.)

  10. says

    #2: Someone did cut the wires at the cemetery one time. Storck whined about that too, and sent me a long snarly letter accusing me of having done it.

  11. screechymonkey says

    Was there a telltale smell of formaldehyde in the cemetery that gave you away?

  12. Lofty says

    Send the whiny sod a CD of Handel’s Messiah and ask him to compare that with what he considers to be “music”. There’s nowt wrong with enjoying christian music if it’s done properly.

  13. WhiteHatLurker says

    Is it just that he can’t spell “Carillon” or is it a brand name he got from Carillion Construction?

  14. Saganite, a haunter of demons says

    Let them know you are a Christian by screaming and jingling bells in their faces? Why can’t they ever take that bit in Matthew 6:5 to heart? But I do enjoy the almost reflexive use of the No True Christian with regards to his supposedly Christian detractors.

  15. rietpluim says

    So God is into heavy metal or into extremely experimental stuff, if I understand the sounds correctly.

  16. KG says

    Why is it never anyone’s Sincerely Held Religious Belief to leave other people alone? – kestrel@6

    It is, but of course you never hear about it from the devout followers of the MOOB faith!

  17. Bob Foster says

    There are some Benedictine monks in my family who are into silent, meditative prayer in their cells. Perhaps someone could convince Mr. Storck that this is the Christian way to go. Or maybe just the cell in his case.

  18. Sastra says

    Storck’s tactic is a common one: get people to change their minds and actions by pointing out that they’re acting just like The Enemy. It’s the old Argument- From-But-That’s- What-Hitler-Did! In this case, the bogeyman is PZ. “You’re doing the same thing as an atheist!” he rails at fellow Christians, as he watches the power of the majority slip from his grasp.

    Hey, even Christians aren’t enthralled with the pious folks who stand on corners with bullhorns screaming about the End Times. This falls into the same category: ineffective, and annoying.

  19. says

    The usual xstian complaining about non-existent xstian hate on social media. Not a day goes by that I don’t see several posts of people thanking god for something or other and praising his love. Not a day goes by that I don’t want to scream STFU! at these smug god-botheres…but I’m not an asshole, in general.

  20. PDX_Greg says

    I can’t remember if this has been posted in any of the former cemetary bells threads, but it is pertinent enough that I wanted to make sure it’s referenced here just in case it has not been mentioned before. It’s really for listening and not for watching, the visuals on the video are just distracting — the audio is the whole thing, so play it while you minimize the window, or something.

  21. says

    Well, then! I propose a 24/7 playlist of Iron Maiden*, on stage-sized amps, FULL VOLUME, right outside his bedroom window until he agrees to stop bein’ a crank.

    *ALL the songs! B-sides, singles, whole albums, live recordings…