So…where are the octopus language lessons?

I’m here in Springfield, Missouri as a guest of the local Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster, and now I’ve suddenly found Tarvu.

What is the etiquette in such a situation? Do I have to damn my hosts, and do they have to burn me at the stake in reply?


  1. alex says

    gosh, wait til Tom “Thumb” Cruise sees this. with that sort of marketing, i imagine he’d be a Tarvu convert in like, eight hours.

  2. NMcC says

    Yes, and Yes.

    Look on the bright side, though, you might get to burn them first.

    Burnt spaghetti and steak. Doesn’t sound too bad.

  3. says

    *happily browsing the Tarvupedia until the article on the holy octopus* Oh, no! Tarvuists aren’t allowed to eat octopus!

    Well, that’s off then. I’m staying with the FSM, where I can have all the calamari I want.

  4. PlaydoPlato says

    Uh-Oh, a challenge to the FSM. Let the holy wars begin.

    “Umfitty noonah” (Be nice)

  5. Dave says


    It’s totally easy to join, and arguably easier to say than Flying Spaghetti Monster.

  6. fyreflye says

    If Tarvu smoked a groovy pipe like Our Savior J.R. “Bob” Dobbs I’d be tempted, but one joke religion per incarnation is my limit.

  7. says

    This is disturbing for me – I used to know a very fat cat called Tarvu. I’m startled to see that worship of him has spread beyond his imagination.

  8. says

    Wait. You don’t think that octopus thing is some sort of plea to PZ to give their religion instant legitimacy, do you?

    No-no… Tarvu wouldn’t do that to us.

  9. Tim Fuller says

    Pandering to PZ?? Say it ain’t so! Of course he doesn’t know how to act. He much more use to the slandering than the pandering.

    Not being an expert on FSM advertising, and not saying this is the greatest spoof I’ve ever seen, but I don’t recall as ambitious an effort from the church of FSM?

    By the fruits of their videos shall ye know them.


  10. kevin says

    Nobody realizes that this is a hilarious (and accurate!) parody of those “infomercials” for Scientology.

  11. rrt says

    Did anybody notice how the one guy who shows up at around 1:52 has that…um…”Sunnydale look?”

  12. Sauceress says

    Well PZ! I hope you fancy flat-chested strippers with VD. Also give some thought to a half mile walk to your nearest designated flat-beer volcano for all eternity!

  13. says

    Sure, maybe it’s easy to join, but … if you’re not careful saying “Hebbo”, it could come out as


    which I think automatically signs you up for Tinky-Winkyism (or Tellytubbytarianism). That’s easy to join, too! And then you’d be a worshipper of the Sun Baby.

  14. says

    Well PZ! I hope you fancy flat-chested strippers with VD. Also give some thought to a half mile walk to your nearest designated flat-beer volcano for all eternity!

    Great, it’s only 10:34 AM (MDT) and already the Pastafarians are trolling us with Sauceress’s Wager.

    Regarding Tarvu, that video was noticeably silent on how Tarvuism is gonna get me laid.

    (I think. Perhaps if I learn to give great Hebbo…)

  15. Sphere Coupler says

    ive been looking for this my whole life.i hope its easy to join. does anybody know if its easy to join?damn i hope its easy to join.

  16. scooter says

    Pffffft, more false Prophets like that ridiculous Flying Spaghetti Monster.

    What sort of religion is this? They don’t even ask for money.

    Just a bunch of stoopid Normals and pinkBoys with a video camera.
    There is only ONE of many true religion(tm) videos:

    Slack off now or burn to cinders when the saucers of Planet X destroy the Earth next July 5th at 7 am.

    A religion so powerful it bilked Penn Gillette out of 20 bucks.

    Praise BoB
    saint of sales
    the one true slackmaster

  17. Calvin says

    My college girlfriend went to school in Springfield, MO. I’ll never forget the first time I drove into that town to visit her; in retrospect I probably should have seen it as a bad omen: I turned on the radio to look for some NPR and had to go through about four different Jesus talk radio stations before finding it. And there were three or four more Jesus talk/music stations higher up the dial! How can one little city support so much Jeebus? I heard a rumor that it has the highest per capita concentration of churches and restaurants anywhere in the country.

  18. The Blind Watchmaker says

    FSM vs Tarvu? No contest.

    And Pirates are way cooler than Octapi (except during Red Wing Hockey playoffs!)

  19. Luftritter says

    I’m still laughing at the name! How could they invent a name that sounded so much like Xenu!

  20. Kevin says

    I don’t think its that easy to join.

    “Posted by: Dave | October 11, 2008 8:50 AM
    Hebbo! It’s totally easy to join, and arguably easier to say than Flying Spaghetti Monster.”

    you have to say the whole prayer to join. That’s a lot harder than going Grr! Aye Cap’tn! Hoy me Maties!

    And why would your holy day be a Tuesday? Fridays off is much better. My Pastafarian Faith is still strong.

  21. Kevin says

    PZ, know that the FSM gave us the No Set Number of Not Commandments, Suggestions.

    and that Pastafarians are always kind and gentle and would never think of burning you at a stake. The very idea!

    If you damn them they, most likely, laugh and offer you more beer. or they could ask you politely to leave. I bet if you say you’re sorry you could stay.


  22. Sphere Coupler says

    I’m in! …but it’s not what I thought it would be,tarvu doesn’t answer all your questions…they just tell you that you needn’t ask them any more,that questions are irrelevent. Sooooo I joined back in…well it was 3:55 on 10-11-08. After many years of membership someone asked me why I joined and I coundn’t answer so I quit.
    tarvu couldn’t answer why the universe was expanding, or does pi=3 on the edge of an expanding universe,or am I a solipist too? Does peak oil really mean peak stupidity,will sphere coupling controll the fate of us all,will dark matter warp the standard particle physics model,Are their more than 3 families of quarks,Can I go back and erase my tarvu years,what do I do with all these tarvu idols.