As both of my readers know, I am fond, on occasion, of rewriting the lyrics of my artistic betters. I do not usually rewrite them in timely or topical ways, but on this evening, in the space below a Wonkette article where no comments exist, some non-comments encouraged me to have a go at Ted Cruz to the tune of a largely forgotten 80s song from the musical Chess. Given it’s topical nature, if anyone who knows how to Twitter or Instabook wants to send this out, please tag Beto O’Rourke & Ted himself. I’d just be tickled to see what Beto’s reaction is, if any. Ted will ignore it publicly, of course, but I won’t mind pondering his displeasure in the absence of any overt response.
The original is “One Night in Bangkok,” but obviously that must change. (I will post a youtube link to the original for those unfamiliar with it, but it will follow my corrupted lyrics.)
And so to Harris County where we lay our scene…
One Night in Cancun
Texas, electrifying outage,
And the state don’t know when ERCOT will get back wattage.
The libertarians have their ideal world
In a storm with everything but what we need.
Time crawls; house’s colder by the minute
With Republican love the only heat in it.
Climate change: don’t you know that when you
Burn so much fossil fuel then you
Make a hell of Delhi or California or N’Orleans
or this place!
One night in Cancun, we can eat fresh oyster
The room’s at discount, and we can all fly free
This frozen hell is getting ever moister
Let’s use those miles and then hit the beach
The plebes are stuck here; you and I can flee.
One room’s very like another
When you look out over the beaches, brother
Book a room on any floor. It’s really such a pity
To leave Snowflake all alone in this icy city.
Isn’t that mean?
Ya own one fluffy, allergenic, stinking hound…
Heat, girls, ditch the fleece.
We’re headed to Cancun, zip those bags and let’s leave!
Fled Ted, so he can act like he’s a tourist
Why should he help the undernourished?
You’ve seen the pics of his waistline, sunshine.
One night in Cancun, he’s got his so fuck you.
After cervezas pop the burgundy.
One night in Cancun, he’s got nothing to do.
Miles aren’t all that’s between you and he.
Ted Cruz is the devil of our tragedy.
Twitter’s gonna be the witness
Cell cams are gonna catch this selfish sickness
We stare: how does he look so guilty
Without a conscience? He’s chilling while we’re chilly.
Ceiling Cat, Praise! Watch the internet do what the internet do.
He can’t see this one coming
But anyone knows this is senate-unbecoming.
Like piles on like while he’s in flight. Oo,
But he won’t like the heights they get to.
When the plane lands he’s headed to the bar, the pool
Reveling, the fool.
One night in Cancun and the world’s your oyster
The water’s potable; there’s sun on sea.
In just a moment you’ll begin to roister
But your staff is calling, they won’t let you be.
Senator ain’t all that it’s cracked up to be.
One night in Cancun, they’re already calling:
At least pretend to act responsibly.
One night in Cancun, your approval’s falling:
With your power comes responsibility;
We know that you don’t like it, but the people see
That you are the devil of this tragedy.
Texas knows the devil of this tragedy.
We all know the devil of this tragedy.
Ted Cruz is the devil of this tragedy.