Not normally a dangerous job

A news story from what must be a colleague (so to speak) of the Onion.

The catering team on BBC quiz Have I Got News For You have been placed on ‘high alert’ after increased chatter surrounding Jeremy Clarkson’s appearance later this month.

With the risk of serving cold food higher than ever before, the catering team are said to be undergoing extensive training and new performance drills ahead of his 29th April appearance to ensure all food in the green room remains warm at all times.

Caterer Simon Williams told us, “This is not normally a dangerous job, but frankly we can’t afford to make the terrible mistake of serving Jeremy Clarkson cold food. Real human lives are at risk.”

Me, I’d put on a fencing mask and serve him piping hot melon and barely-thawed grilled salmon on a bed of stone cold arugula purée.

One former HIGNFY guest told us, “I once had a luke warm sausage roll in the green room, so I hope for all our sakes they’ve managed to rid themselves of such sloppiness.”

“If Clarkson goes off, it could cost hundreds of lives.”

Give the man some nice warm raspberry gelato for dessert.


  1. quixote says

    hahahaha. I love the Brits. He’s never going to live this down. Never.

    He may have to emigrate to the US where people don’t laugh so much anymore.

  2. RJW says

    There’s bound to be some smart-arse who will ‘take the piss’ just to see how long Clarkson’s fuse is.

  3. sonofrojblake says

    He may have to emigrate to the US where people don’t laugh so much anymore.

    “They laughed when I said I wanted to be a comedian. Well, they’re not laughing now.” Bob Monkhouse.

  4. sonofrojblake says

    And now it seems he’s pulled out of appearing on the show, presumably because he anticipated a continuous stream of jokes like this and didn’t think the fee was worth the ridicule. He can dish it out…

  5. johnthedrunkard says

    Just lock up the alcohol and see how much better he behaves. Unless he gets the shakes and starts seeing invisible rats and mice.

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