This week, Jim Bakker has decided the apocalypse to have begun. Who knows what the fuck it will be next week. Evangelicals can never seem to make up their mind. They seriously want the apocalypse to actually happen, so they can see all us godless heathens and other varieties of sinners tromped on my Jehovah and Jesus, while at the same time, their unquenchable lust for power keeps them from end time talk, because their only chance at oppressing the hell out of people will happen right here, in reality land.
“Have you ever seen a time when we hate our president like the people do now?” Bakker marveled. “Literally half the nation hates the president and would probably kill him if they got a chance.”
Oh, it’s much more than half of ‘merica, Jim. I’m afraid the Tiny Tyrant has pissed off and alienated a good portion of governments and people across the planet. That seems to be the only thing he’s actually good at, which is unfortunate for us all. Back to uStates a moment. Did you know that people used to assassinate presidents? Yeah. I’d say murdering someone was a pretty solid expression of hate, Jim, and no one has so much as tried when it comes to the Tiny Tyrant, and I’m quite tempted to add a “more’s the pity”, but that wouldn’t be nice.
Bakker said that when he asked God what was going on, God told him that “you are in Revelation, Chapter 6,” which tells of the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse.
“This is what He told me,” Bakker claimed. “He said, ‘Donald Trump is a respite in this troubled times and I sent him in grace to give you time to prepare for what’s coming on earth.’”
This is what you call a respite? Intense divisiveness, people declaring Nazism a fine thing, and people everywhere lying down under the constant crush of lies and fascism? You have one fucking weird definition of respite, Jim.
Bakker said that while “the Antichrist spirit” has been let loose on America, “God has given us a man who is not afraid to fight. We have a president people think is crazy. They call him crazy, but he’s making peace treaties, he’s doing all the things to try to solve the world’s problems and God has put him on earth—God spoke to me the other night, He said, ‘I put Donald Trump on earth to give you time, the church, to get ready.’”
Uh huh. Peace treaties, really? Jesus fuck onna stick. The wannabe dictator is not crazy, but he is a liar, a narcissist, and a bigot to the core, with a lust for greed and power. He’s also one hell of a dim bulb, who can’t think his way out of a wet paper bag. The president of this country is not supposed to solve the world’s problem, you dipshit. The problems of this country are sufficient, and all he’s done is to make every single thing worse. He recently bragged about ripping families apart and placing tiny children in cages. Seems to me if any horseman is to show, it would be to drag this unrepentant evil shit off to somewhere else. Anywhere else.
So, we’re to get ready, are we? I thought christians were always supposed to be ready. Well, at least those who believe in the rapture nonsense, which was not a part of christian belief until relatively recent times. Just how much time do you all need to pray and holler out “Hey, Jesus, ready!”? We all know this crap isn’t going to happen, but I would love it if you all disappeared. I expect it won’t be long before you dump this theory in favour of the next conspiracy or whatever grabs your fancy.