OK, Republicans suck, have wicked intentions, and are wrecking the country. Their one saving grace, the one thing that gives me hope, is that they’re idiots.
Now that they’ve taken over legislatures all over the place, they’ve decided that the proper use of their power is to pass laws against imaginary things they don’t like. Like chemtrails.
Known to less conspiratorially minded as aircraft contrails, or the white vaporous lines streaming out of an airplane’s engines at altitude, chemtrails are a longstanding conspiracy theory.
Believers in chemtrails hold that the aircraft vapor trails that criss-cross skies across the globe every day are deliberately laden with toxins that are using commercial aircraft to spray them on people below, perhaps to enslave them to big pharma, or exert mind control, or sterilize people or even control the weather for nefarious motives.
Despite the outlandishness of the belief and the complete absence of evidence, a 2016 study showed that the idea is held to be “completely true” by 10% of Americans and “somewhat true” by a further 20%-30% of Americans.
At least eight states, including Florida and Tennessee, have now introduced chemtrail-coded legislation to prohibit “geo-engineering” or “weather modification”. Louisiana’s bill, which must pass through the senate before reaching Governor Jeff Landry’s desk, orders the department of environmental quality to record reported chemtrail sightings and pass complaints on to the Louisiana air national guard.
I heartily endorse that they waste their time and energy on laws against non-existent phenomena — it’s much better than their usual hateful nonsense. I’m not sure how they’re going to enforce it, though. Notify the air national guard? To do what? Fly up and make a few contrails of their own?
Of course they have the King and Queen of Stupid backing their futile flailings.
“We are going to stop this crime,” the health secretary, Robert F Kennedy Jr, posted on X in August. Georgia representative Marjorie Taylor Greene said in a post before Hurricane Milton struck in October: “Yes they can control the weather. It’s ridiculous for anyone to lie and say it can’t be done.” Even Donald Trump has spread the conspiracy theory that Joe Biden is dead and has been replaced by a robotic clone.
To be fair, though, I have to admit that they have recruited a few allies. Would you believe there are Canadian anti-vaxxers? Six kids have been born in Ontario with congenital measles.
Ontario’s chief medical officer of health says six infants have been born with congenital measles since an outbreak began last fall, adding they were infected in the womb through mothers who were not vaccinated.
Dr. Kieran Moore says these infants recovered, but their infections could have been prevented if their mothers had been vaccinated and protected from contracting measles.
Congenital measles can result in severe complications, including inflammation of the brain and death.
Perhaps more benignly, counties in Washington state are passing laws to protect Bigfoot.
Clark County is the latest among a growing list of counties taking steps to protect Washington’s favorite cryptid, Bigfoot. On Tuesday, the county council passed a resolution designating all of Clark County as a refuge for the large, hairy, humanlike creatures.
According to the resolution, read by council Chair Sue Marshall, “legends, sightings and investigations suggest that a bipedal apelike creature known as Bigfoot, aka Sasquatch, may exist in the remote portions of Clark County” and should be protected, if it exists, as “the rareness of sightings indicates an extreme endangered creature.”
Even if Bigfoot isn’t real, the resolution acknowledges the folklore surrounding Bigfoot highlights the need for stewardship of the county’s wild places and natural landscape.
I like the recognition of the importance of the environment, so I can’t be too irate at the waste of time — you know Bigfoot doesn’t exist, right?
Also, this was legislation prompted by elementary school kids, so I’d want to encourage that kind of civic participation.
What’s your excuse, Bobby and Marjorie?