If you’re like me, that picture will make you start identifying all the anatomical errors.
This was fun. I found a paper about developing an arachnophobia scale, a questionnaire that someone could use to evaluate a person for arachnophobic tendencies, title Questionnaire Dimensions of Spider Phobia, by Watts and Sharrock. I figured I’d breeze through it, see that I’m clearly an arachnophile, and get a good laugh. Except…I think I would personally mess up their metrics. I’m apparently some weird outlier.
But I’m not. You know who is weird? These people.
In the cognitive domain a distinction emerged between those who were very vigilant for spiders, constantly scanning for them. Generally visual scanning was predominant. but one pilot S claimed also to use her senses of smell and hearing to detect spiders. She frequently lay awake listening for them. For others, cognitions about spiders took the form of distressing internal preoccupations. They felt haunted by spiders, imagined them vividly and often dreamed about them. They tried to think about spiders as little as possible.
Anyway, so I pulled up their questionnaire and quickly realized it’s not appropriate for typical people — you know, the kind who love spiders.
Their questions are organized into a couple of reasonable categories: vigilance, preoccupation, and avoidance/coping. So first, let’s see if you’re vigilant about spotting spiders.
Do you check the lounge for spiders before sitting down?
Yes. You wouldn’t want to sit on one and crush it.
Do you ever make plans in case you come across a spider?
Yes. I’m often intentionally planning to find spiders.
Do you sometimes look at the corners of the room for spiders?
Yes. Also the walls, ceiling, and floor.
When watching television, would you notice a spider crawling across the floor elsewhere in the room?
Yes.
Do you check the bedroom for spiders before going to sleep?
No, not really. I’m usually looking forward to a good night’s sleep.
Would your mind be a lot easier if spiders didn’t exist?
Sick! No! Spiders are an important part of the ecosystem!
Are you always on the lookout for spiders?
Yes.
Have you a “plan for action” in case you find a spider in the kitchen?
Of course. I have capture vials stored in the kitchen.
Do you make very certain there are no spiders around before taking a bath?
Why? Am I shy?
Do you sometimes sense the presence of a spider without actually seeing it?
Yes. The most tell-tale signature is seeing silk threads.
If there’s a spider in the house. are you the most likely person to find it?
No. Mary has a very good eye.
Can you spot a spider out of the corner of your eye?
Yes, if one is there.
The next category is preoccupation, like whether you are obsessed with spiders. I’m not going to do well here.
Do you sometimes dream about spiders?
Yes.
Do you think a lot about spiders?
Yes. And what’s wrong with that?
Do you worry more about spiders than most people?
Definitely. I worry about the health of the spider population all the time — for instance, the grass spiders appear to be late in their annual appearance. I hope they’re OK.
When you imagine a spider, can you see parts of it in great detail?
I am very familiar with spider anatomy, so yes.
Do you ever find yourself thinking about spiders for no reason?
Not for no reason.
Do you sometimes find it an effort to keep thoughts of spiders out of your mind?
Why would I make that effort?
Do you often think about particular parts of spiders for example the fangs?
I’m more of a palps man, myself.
Are you sometimes distracted by thoughts of spiders?
Never distracted.
Are you sometimes haunted by thoughts of spiders?
Weird choice of words…no, not haunted.
When watching television do you think more about the danger of there being a spider in the room than about the programme?
It is not dangerous to have a spider in the room.
Have you had nightmares about spiders?
No. Do you have nightmares about beautiful women (or men) jumping into bed with you?
The next block of questions are about how you cope when you see spiders.
Can you deal effectively with spiders yourself when you find them?
Yes.
Do you get other people to get rid of spiders when you find them?
“Get rid of”? Why?
Would you know how to cope with spiders in the bath?
Put your hand down, lift them out, set them free.
Do you sometimes use a book or a newspaper to deal with a spider?
Spiders can’t read and are uninterested in human news.
Do you feel a lot more secure if someone else is in the house in case you come across a spider?
The someone else is probably more dangerous than the spider.
When you find a spider in a room, would you avoid going in that room until someone else had removed it?
There are spiders in every room. Avoiding them would require going outside, and there are even more spiders there.
Would you get help if you came across a spider?
Help to do what?
If you find a spider in the bath, would you, say, use a shower to wash the spider down the plughole?
Sadist. Hell, no.
If you discover a spider in the room, do you leave the room straight away?
Why?
Would you think about using a broom to deal with a spider in the kitchen?
That’s useless. Small paintbrush, and a cup.
Cognitive/behavioral items!
When imagining a spider, is it always the same one or kind?
I know an awful lot of kinds of spiders.
Do you ever lie in bed at night and listen out for spiders?
No. They are very, very quiet.
If you thought you saw a spider would you go for a close look?
I usually do.
When you see a spider. does it take a long time to get it out of your mind?
No, because it is then a permanent resident of my memory palace.
Are you slightly scared to enter a room, say a bathroom, where spiders have been in the past?
Ridiculous. Spiders have been and will be in every room.
Another category is factual knowledge. These are stupid. Of course I know the answers to these questions.
Are spiders insects?
Do spiders have SIX legs?
Are spiders solely meat eaters?
Have you a good idea whereabouts spiders are likely to appear?
Do you know when (what time of year) you are likely to come across a spider?
They don’t provide a scoring sheet or answer key, you’ll just have to decide for yourself if you feel arachnophobic.
