Some ditzy entrepreneur in California has a new twist on bottled water:

As the body thirsts, so does the soul. So why drink regular drinking water when you can partake in a more blessed beverage? Bottled Holy drinking water is bottled in Stockton, California and blessed by priests from southern California.

Funny…the advertising doesn’t mention anything about vampires even once, although it does have a warning sticker:

Warning to sinners: If you are a sinner or evil in nature, this product may cause burning, intense heat, sweating, skin irritations, rashes, itchiness, vomiting, bloodshot and watery eyes, pale skin color, and oral irritations.

What about the skeletonization and the poofing into dust?

By the way, if you want the job of blessing the holy water, they are taking applications. They don’t seem to be very picky about who they’ll hire, so if you happen to be a godless atheist, that may not be a problem.

There’s money to be made in crap. Who would have thought MySpace was so profitable?

Rupert Murdoch has told an industry conference that MySpace make $25 million per month on advertising.”It’s extraordinary, the advertising has gone from basically nothing to, on a net basis, $25 million a month and growing every month — almost 30 per cent every quarter,” he told the Digital Hollywood conference, in New York.

There’s an evolutionary lesson in there, I think. The part of MySpace that represents what people want and value — the social networking, the easy customization — is a tiny fraction of what is displayed on a MySpace page. Most of what I see over there are ads being pushed at me aggressively; simply logging in presents me with half the screen filled with a scantily clad woman promising me a date. Just looking at the ugly, clumsy pages and the hideous, distracting clutter and noise, you’d think that no one in their right mind would want to use the thing—but obviously, it’s thriving.

Too bad it’s throwing more money into the pockets of the wretched Rupert Murdoch.

(via Cowboy Tikistitch)

This would be really unfair and unkind to my wife, so I’ve decided to live forever instead.

You’ll die from a Heart Attack during Sex.

Your a lover not a fighter but sadly, in the act of making love your heart will stop. But what a way to go.

‘How will you die?’ at QuizGalaxy.com

(via Unhindered by talent)

God’s money is no good.

Kevin Russell found out it’s not easy trying to cash a check from God. The 21-year-old man was arrested Monday after he tried to cash a check for $50,000 at the Chase Bank in Hobart that was signed “King Savior, King of Kings, Lord of Lords, Servant,” Hobart police Detective Jeff White said.

I blame the televangelists. They’re skilled at cleaning out the savings of old folks, and while they were vacuuming up social security checks, they probably siphoned off every penny He had.

Don’t worry about Him, though — he’s still got a lot of equity in gilt furniture and old art in Italy, I hear.

So these media people are making a movie about some tombs discovered in Jerusalem—bearing the names Jesua, son of Joseph, Mary, Mary, Mathew, Jofa and Judah, son of Jesua—and getting all this hype about discovering the final resting place of the family of the spiritual founder of Christianity. I’m more than a little dubious; they prattle unconvincingly about their evidence.

But film-makers Cameron and Jacobovici claim to have amassed evidence through DNA tests, archeological evidence and Biblical studies, that the 10 coffins belong to Jesus and his family.

Wait, DNA tests? What did they do, knock on god’s door with a court order in hand and demand a blood sample? Since the only thing unique about that Jesus dude was his paternity claim, I don’t see how else they could verify the identity of whatever remains they have. And from the description, it doesn’t sound like they have any scraps of human tissue anyway—they’ve got some stone caskets, that’s it.

I say it’s BS all the way down.