Chew your food!

Don’t just bolt it down! Chew it until there’s no doubting it’s dead. Especially if it’s an octopus.

Stephens says that the 4.6-pound cephalopod appeared to have grabbed onto Gilligan’s larynx with a tentacle, preventing it from reconnecting to the dolphin’s breathing apparatus and effectively suffocating him to death.

“That octopus might have been, in theory, dead, but the sucker was still functional,” Stephens says, adding that while nobody wins in a situation like this, “the octopus gets a bit of a last hurrah.”

What a horrible way to go — not only choking to death, but getting your post mortem photo plastered on websites as an example of gluttony. Or being murdered by a mammal, and having your arms shown dangling from its mouth.

Friday Cephalopod: so that’s what capes are for

It’s the hot new parenting fad: glue all your babies to your cape and carry them with you everywhere.

Stylish and practical!

IT’S ALIVE!!?!

A giant squid washed ashore in Japan. Surprisingly, it was still alive!

That looks like a sick squid to me — alive, but barely. I’m seeing conflicting reports that it’s already died, or that it’s living in an aquarium, or that it was airlifted to a secret kaiju laboratory on a remote volcanic island in the Pacific.