I get email

Mr. Lambertsen wishes to reopen a prior conversation.

Dear Mr. Myers:

Inasmuch as…

1. The theoretical analyses of Kaila and Annila (Proceedings of the Royal Society A, vol. 464, 3055-3070, 2008) and Karnani, Pääkkönen, and Annila (Proceedings of the Royal Society A, vol. 465:2155-2175, 2009); and

2. The empirical findings of Goldbogen, Calambokidis, Oleson, Potvin, Pyenson, Schorr and Shadwick (Journal of Experimental Biology, vol. 214, 131-146, 2011)

all corroborate my 2007 theory that, in its most general form, natural selection works diametrically in opposition to the argument codied by the Principle of Least Action,

would you be so kind as to publish a retraction, if not an apology, for your [offensive and self-serving] blog titled “Word Salad — with Math?”

Without delay?

The favor of a prompt reply is requested.

Kindest regards,

R. H. Lambertsen, Ph.D., V.M.D.

Dear Mr. Lambertsen:

I took the trouble of looking up the papers you recommended, Natural selection for least action, The physical character of information, and Mechanics, hydrodynamics and energetics of blue whale lunge feeding: efficiency dependence on krill density, and alas, while I can see how they are relevant to fragments of formulae in your thesis, they don’t in any way support the whole. In particular, they don’t explain how the evolution of the craniomandibular articulation in baleen whales was the enabling mutation that permitted the occurrence of free will, what this has to do with Einstein’s special theory of relativity, the significance of the death of the largest blue whale known on 20 March 1947, and how you tie all these disparate observations into the conclusion that humanity is about to undergo a speciation event. I looked in particular in the paper on lunge feeding for evidence that George W. Bush stole your driver’s license, as you claimed in your paper, to no avail.

Given these deficiencies in your sources, I feel no need to retract my original blog post, Word salad, with math, let alone apologize for it.

I must also point out that your paper lacked a legend, or even a reference in the text, for this climactic figure, which I’m sure must explain everything. Your recent paper recommendations do nothing to enlighten me, either. It’s rather symptomatic; perhaps if you stepped back from your work and looked at it with a more critical eye, you might notice that it looks like an incoherent splatter of manic non sequiturs and random regurgitations of mathematical formulae, all spruced up with colorful charts that don’t actually contribute to the substance.

I would like to do you the courtesy of suggesting a reference for you, in that esteemed source, Wikipedia: it’s called the Streisand Effect.

With swift reply and the greatest concern for your health,

P.Z. Myers, Ph.D.

Hey, Norway!

I have more imminent travel plans. I’ll be at the World Humanist Conference in Oslo this coming weekend, and then on Monday the 15th I’ll be doing this:

Paul Z. Myers er en amerikansk biolog som jobber ved University of Minnesota Morris, og forsker på zebrafisk innen området evolusjonær utviklingsbiologi. Mest kjent er han for sin populære blogg Pharyngula, hvor han blant annet kommer med harsk kritikk mot intelligent design og kreasjonistmiljøet generelt. Kort sagt er han en aktivist innen den amerikanske kreasjonisme-/evolusjons-debatten. I august er PZ i Oslo i forbindelse med World Humanist Congress 2011, og tar i den forbindelse selvsagt turen innom puben for å slå av en prat med Oslo-skeptikerne!

Skeptikertreffene er uformelle, sosiale treff for skeptikere i Oslo-området. De er ment som en mulighet til å diskutere skepsis, vitenskap og alt mulig annet med likesinnede, og bli kjent med andre skeptikere. Man trenger ikke å være medlem av foreningen Skepsis.

Denne gangen samles vi nok en gang på Asylet, i bakgården dersom det er fint vær. Hvis du ikke har vært med før, så se etter bordskiltet vårt med logoen på, eller spør i baren.

I do not know what that means. If I’m now committed to doing burlesque in Norwegian, let me know soon. When I was a wee little kid, I could recite the Lord’s Prayer in Norwegian, but I think I’ve forgotten it all now.

(Also on FtB)

Hey, Norway!

I have more imminent travel plans. I’ll be at the World Humanist Conference in Oslo this coming weekend, and then on Monday the 15th I’ll be doing this:

Paul Z. Myers er en amerikansk biolog som jobber ved University of Minnesota Morris, og forsker på zebrafisk innen området evolusjonær utviklingsbiologi. Mest kjent er han for sin populære blogg Pharyngula, hvor han blant annet kommer med harsk kritikk mot intelligent design og kreasjonistmiljøet generelt. Kort sagt er han en aktivist innen den amerikanske kreasjonisme-/evolusjons-debatten. I august er PZ i Oslo i forbindelse med World Humanist Congress 2011, og tar i den forbindelse selvsagt turen innom puben for å slå av en prat med Oslo-skeptikerne!

Skeptikertreffene er uformelle, sosiale treff for skeptikere i Oslo-området. De er ment som en mulighet til å diskutere skepsis, vitenskap og alt mulig annet med likesinnede, og bli kjent med andre skeptikere. Man trenger ikke å være medlem av foreningen Skepsis.

Denne gangen samles vi nok en gang på Asylet, i bakgården dersom det er fint vær. Hvis du ikke har vært med før, så se etter bordskiltet vårt med logoen på, eller spør i baren.

I do not know what that means. If I’m now committed to doing burlesque in Norwegian, let me know soon. When I was a wee little kid, I could recite the Lord’s Prayer in Norwegian, but I think I’ve forgotten it all now.

(Also on Sb)

Uh-oh, Texas

Warning: Scooter has invited me to appear on InnerSide Radio, KPFT Houston 90.1, to talk about Texas, tonight at 9:30-10:00 Central (in about an hour). This could be dangerous.

I have a terrible confession to make. I have never in my life been to Texas, except for brief visits to an airport on my way to somewhere else. So Texas has a weirdly hellish fantasy quality to it…although I do know some people from Texas who are decent human beings. The good people have to be horribly outnumbered by the lunatics, though, to have elected Governor Perry and those ghastly board of education members.

Some of you Texans might have to tune in and call in to correct my terrible slanders.

Selling out?

Hey, gang! You may have seen a few hints that there will be some changes around here, semi-imminently. Any interruptions in service should be brief to non-existent, but I have some concerns that if the blog goes a-wandering or falls under new management, there will be some drop-off in traffic…and some drop-off in my revenues, which wouldn’t break me — I have a day job! — but might negatively impact my payments on the secret nuclear submarine and my remote island lair. I talked to a few people this past weekend about merchandising, you know, succumbing to capitalism and peddling branded geegaws that might help with a potential shortfall.

The only catch: I don’t have anything recognizably brandable. I dabble in walls of text, which doesn’t exactly lend itself to a catchy coffee mug design. I don’t have a unique logo. I’m not known for my fashion sense. I’m at a loss to know what I could put out here.

So I’m looking for suggestions. What would be amusing and interesting? What would you wear on a t-shirt? Are there entertaining catch phrases I could slap on a widget and make a profit from? Do you want t-shirts, action figures, exotic sex toys, Pharyngula rifle-range targets (wait, no, let’s not go there — we don’t want to encourage them), coffee cups, party favors, what? Designs and ideas would be nice, because I haven’t got any. Some idea of the one thing lots of people would like to have would be useful.

Leave comments here, or perhaps an even better place would be the Pharyngula wiki, which is a growing compendium of site-specific strangeness. It might even provide some inspiration.