I protect the galaxy from the threat of invasion from the Evil Emperor Zurg sworn enemy of the Galactic Alliance!


I feel safer in this pandemic and economic meltdown now that Mike Pence has announced the name we must use when addressing members of the Space Force.

This is just such silly-bonkers. There is no space force, except as a line item on a budget that will be funneled off to defense contractors. They’re not guarding us against anything. I hope the Democrats just erase this nonsense off the spreadsheet as soon as they take office (they probably won’t, they love defense contractors, too.)

I do have to wonder what that streak of light on Earth in the bottom left of their logo is. Is that the Guardians launching missiles from Earth at some target in space, or the Guardians bombing some target from orbit?

Comments

  1. lumipuna says

    “a name chosen by space professionals, for space professionals”

    Yet it doesn’t contain any spaces.

  2. says

    I get some pretty heavy white supremacy vibes from that whole “Heritage – Mission – Culture” thing, but that’s probably just because it is almost always the white supremacists in the US government who go on about “guarding” American “Heritage” and “Culture”.

  3. Owlmirror says

    Who were the “space professionals”, anyway? There’s an air of desperation there; someone is figuratively jumping up and down and waving and yelling “Look at me!”

    For a supposed branch of the US armed forces, “United States” is literally the tiniest (smallest font size) text on the poster. And for a supposed mission of “heritage” and “culture”, there is a surprising dearth of symbolism relating to the United States and its armed forces.

    In fact, the logo looks to me like they are trying to evoke Star Trek. Or maybe the Star Trek mirror universe with the Empire of Planets.

  4. davidc1 says

    Watch this space ,no not that space ,this space .And in space ,no one can hear al the bollox that humans come out with .

  5. Mario Romero says

    That streak of light is actually the donald on Jan 20’th being evicted from the white house, with extreme prejudice.

  6. charley says

    They know how to appeal to their base. Conservatives view the world as a mashup of movies, comic books and religious legends.

  7. stroppy says

    …Operation Warp Speed…

    Detecting a theme here. Brought to you by Spacely Sprockets no doubt.

  8. komarov says

    “I do have to wonder what that streak of light on Earth in the bottom left of their logo is. Is that the Guardians launching missiles from Earth at some target in space, or the Guardians bombing some target from orbit?”

    It’s targeting that space station containing a nursery, a school, a hospital and a retirement home for the exceptionally frail, and staffed entirely by unpaid volunteers. The target has been designated a terrorist training camp by the DoD. Everyone can feel safer when they spot the bright flash in the sky.

  9. stroppy says

    So is this the Earthican branch of Guardians of the Galaxy?

    By the way, Picard just called, he wants his com badge back.

  10. PaulBC says

    If there were extraterrestrials in low earth orbit, they probably found it too crowded and left already. Where is this “space force” supposed to operate?

  11. stroppy says

    Culture (War) — Keeping the world safe for Christmas
    Heritage — Keeping the world safe for Confederate statues

    IOW, protecting Trumplandia from blue state eggheads and losers. Look up in the sky and be very afraid liberals, the great orange sky god will smite you if you don’t assimilate… “Resistance is Futile.”

  12. PaulBC says

    stroppy@18 COVID-19: that’s just a big hoax, so we’ll ignore that and work on the important stuff.

    I have noticed this m.o. of the GOP (and please don’t “both sides” me on this, because both sides don’t). You make up an entirely fake problem (libruls trying to destroy Christmas). This gives you an excuse to ignore any real problems that come up (and require work and thought to address). It also inevitably means you create a lot of new and real problems as a result.

  13. garnetstar says

    I thought that we can’t afford this? After all, we can’t afford buying enough vaccine, nor feeding and housing hungry and evicted people, nor keeping unemplyment insurance or Social Security disability benefits going.

    I mean, think of the debt we’d be passing on to future generations! (Who will probably be greatly less in number since their parents are starving, homeless, and dying of COVID).

    Oh, I forgot: fascism relies heavily on performative military pageantry. Silly me.

  14. says

    Pretty sure this is all a flimsy cover for the US sneaking nuclear weapons into orbit. We’ll know if there is a launch failure followed by a massive cleanup as they try to figure out how to get all the plutonium un-scattered.

  15. says

    One unrecognized benefit:

    If the official anthem is restricted to pieces on Awesome Mix (Vol. I), that will be a huuuuuuuuuuge improvement on anything that’s otherwise “military music.” And it will make for fewer “we’re all carrying muzzle-loading muskets and bayonets haven’t been invented yet” marching displays. (Somehow, though, I doubt that there will be any dance-offs on the parade ground.)

    What worries me most will be the call to establish a Space Academy. With Betsy DeVos as the chancellor, no doubt: The first military-academy charter school! Then they can all be space cadets fur realz.

  16. Ridana says

    We gotta be in Space™ to launch our super-duper missiles!

    Wow, Bunko Baby has always been a toddler, but he’s regressing rapidly toward fetushood. I can’t tell if he’s aspiring to be Captain America or Space Dandy. This is embarrassing. Good thing in Space™ no one can…you know.

    9) #KG: That article is from The Guardian. Coincidence?

  17. PaulBC says

    I have Sun Ra’s Space is the Place as my ring tone. The first part is definitely attention-getting. I have to be in the right mood for it, but it makes a great meditation.

    Outer space is a pleasant place
    A place that’s really free
    There’s no limit to the things that you can do
    There’s no limit to the things that you can be
    Your thought is free
    And your life is worthwhile.

    I focus on what I believe is the baritone sax the whole time.

    This is unlikely to become an anthem for the Space Force though. Possibly they could revive the name Sugar Smacks or even renamed them Space Sugar Smacks as the official Space Force breakfast. Gotta get that space energy.

  18. says

    Okay, the Space Force is a bit of idiocy cooked up by Copperpot Dictator Trump. That said, without his stupidity we would not have this OP’s headline, and we would not have yours truly confused about who Emperor Zurg is, and thus I would never have known that there’s a wikipedia page devoted solely to the phrase “Evil Emperor”.

    https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Evil_Emperor

    Sometimes even bad things can produce a good result or two.

    C.f. intercontinental ballistic missiles gave us Tang.

  19. PaulBC says

    brucej@27 Hey, you want your hard-earned tax dollars going to some fancy pants graphic designer?

    I haven’t bothered to check, but this whole thing has to be satire, right?

  20. Callinectes says

    I already know the subcategories of Guardians: Hunter, Titan, and Warlock. They’ll protect the Earth with space magic and yappy floating office puzzles.

  21. PaulBC says

    All right, I give up. I know I’m giving NYT too much credit, but it’s apparently real. https://www.nytimes.com/2020/12/19/us/space-force-guardians-mike-pence.html And that’s not quite an upside Pontiac arrow, though it sure seems to be “inspired” by it.

    Maybe the joke is on Pence, kind of like how John Bolton was literally dispatched to Outer Mongolia to get him out of the way. I’m not sure it is even meaningful anymore to try to tease apart what’s real and what’s just for lulz.

    The graphics here are worse than a low budget movie poster.

  22. mathman85 says

    To me, the insignia looks like a bad mashup of the Starfleet logo and the emblem of the Star League from The Last Starfighter.

    The less said about the moniker “guardians”, the better.

  23. unclefrogy says

    such a stunt make a big deal about making up a new fancy name but don’t do the important thing of uping the budget for space by some impressive amount. just hand out a fancy title and more responsibilities insteasd of like you know a raise in pay.
    uncle frogy

  24. says

    Look at the bright side. Every dollar spent on this is a dollar not spent on actual war.

    Unless they start doing stupid shit like the Chinese did back in 07. I’d be happy to start SPR INC (Space Renovation Services), where you can buy a debris-free orbit for a nominal fee. A variable space mirror above geosynchronous orbit should do the trick. And I promise I won’t go all evil mastermind with it. Although Elon Musk might want to invest in a hat and some sunblock 2billion.

  25. R. L. Foster says

    Guardians against what? Could this have a tie-in with the Office of Naval Intelligence’s Unidentified Aerial Phenomena Task Force?

  26. DanDare says

    Its going to take the Proximians about 1,000 years to get their ships here.
    All the important white men of America will have to join Star Farce and be on high alert immediately. Maybe we can arrange for them to go on the B ark to meet the invaders head on.

  27. says

    They can say whatever they want about the logo. They want a ‘space force’ and aren’t imaginative enough to not look like a Star Trek ripoff, they deserve the comparison.

    With any luck it will go the way of Reagan’s SDI aka ‘Star Wars’ program and quietly get defunded and folded into the Air Force or something. Star Wars had an equally silly logo, too.

    https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Strategic_Defense_Initiative

  28. PaulBC says

    tytalus@40 I lived through SDI but I never saw that logo or at least, I never paused to think about how ridiculous it is. A shield, seriously? I get the metaphor, but a medieval shield in space isn’t the first thing I’d think of for stopping nuclear weapons. Some kind of “forcefield dome” for bad science fiction, or maybe an attempt to illustrate Teller’s “brilliant pebbles.”

    A shield? Why not a brick wall in space? Trump could get on board with that today.

  29. wzrd1 says

    Fortunately, Congress did a kibosh on a new branch, so the space force is just a new air force command. Largely, they monitor what’s in orbit, so that satellites orbits can be adjusted to avoid space junk.

  30. PaulBC says

    wzrd1@43 That’s an important job, but maybe they should be called Space Traffic Controllers instead of Guardians.

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