Pray for the Preznit

O Lord, the President says he has COVID-19.

We thank you, Jesus, for this once compelling Donald to tell the truth. You did tell him not to lie this time, right? It’s a bit out of character for him, so if he actually has the disease for realz, it would be a kind of divine revelation, I think, a true sign from God. I am praying that his infection is real and true and a sign that he has been touched by the aerosolized Holy Spirit. Hallelujah!

Please, God, make sure he is touched hard.

Forgive him, Lord, for his lapse in listening to the sweet seductive whispers of Satan and getting tested in the first place. We know he’d be fine if he hadn’t tasted of the PCR Test of Knowledge of Positive and Negative Results, and the disease would have just disappeared if he hadn’t peeked. Please forgive him for testing your wisdom, too, and I’m praying real hard that you don’t cast him out of the Rose Garden for his weakness. The temptation was great, he was so desperate for a positive result, any result, of his presidency, and he reached for the one that was in his range.

Sweet Jesus, I beg you to not let him sicken and die, or to spread the plague among the Republican leadership, especially not to Mike Pence, who is surely so holy that he probably does not need chastisement. Oh, wait, Pence is getting tested, too? Never mind. Whip him with your sacred disease, for he surely knows that his suffering would be just.

O Lord, praise You for finally reaching the mind of this worthless <snerk> atheist, getting me down on my knees and beseeching the Father, the Son, and the Holy Ghost to deliver <choke> Donald Trump of this totally imaginary disease that disappeared over the summer and is just like a little flu <hork> and was created by the Democrats conspiring with the Chinese if it were real, which it isn’t <HAAaaa!>.

No, Lord, I’m not sniggering. I’m…I’m…speaking in tongues, that’s the ticket. Now if you don’t mind, I have to get back to praying like a motherfucker for that wretched soul. It’s the least I can do.


  1. gjpetch says

    Pence tests negative. It seems pretty likely that Trump could have infected Biden during the debate. I’m not celebrating yet, many ways this could go bad. Please vote.

  2. Alverant says

    I didn’t see the debate. How close were they? I saw a picture showing Dump’s family not wearing masks either so who knows how many people they infected. Some states have laws on the books saying that if you have HIV and knowingly infect others with it, it’s a crime. Can the same be used for COVID?

  3. birgerjohansson says

    Please, Zeus or whoever, bless Mitch McConnell with this virus so he will feel more emphaty and “gemeinschaft” with your servant Donald Trump.

  4. hurlingfrootmig says

    So many possible truths and conspiracies here. Occam’s razor would suggest that this is a man who has played fast and loose with everyone’s safety, has ignored the advise of people far “smarter” than him and has finally paid a price. Like people who think they look cool train surfing until they suddenly just look like a shit stain. Although thinking about it, he’s always looked just like a shit stain.

    But just for the hell of it, here are a few other options.

    1) Captain bone spurs is treating the next debate like Vietnam and faking a medical exemption.

    2) International paedophiles have poisoned him on the orders of Joe Biden.

    3) Obama dun it.

    4) A recent windows update has activated the secret 5G transmitters in the whitehouse wifi routers.

    5) TikTok dun it.

    6) He paid somebody else to take the covid test but now thinks he has to take the credit.

    7) He’s using his amazing blood to produce the best antibodies to help save “the blacks”.

    8) Somebody offered him money to be infected. After all, only losers get infected for free.

    9) He’s skipped three payments on his Russian loans.

  5. raven says

    Joe Biden and Kamala Harris are also very much at risk for getting the Covid-19 virus. The virus is now everywhere in the USA. It’s also gotten a lot more diffuse.

    They are important people in the current election. They are necessarily in contact with huge numbers of people.

    Joe Biden is in a high risk group because he is 77.

  6. stroppy says

    It’s probably true, but I’m naturally suspicious of anything coming out of this administration. I can see Trump faking it and then proclaiming a miraculous “recovery”– because it’s just a flu and at the same time he is superhuman.

    Anyway Covid is too good for him. Too good for his mob as well.

  7. kome says

    Hope the Trumps die from this. I’m not ashamed to wish for it, he’s a horrible man and his family are horrible people who are responsible for so much suffering around the world.

  8. stroppy says

    Alverant @ 5

    “I didn’t see the debate. How close were they?”

    If you mean physically, not close. Biden seems to be paying attention to hygiene.

    If you’re talking about scoring and effective communication, it was a debacle. Pity the poor translators who had to interpret the debate live for a foreign audience. One thing we know, Trump is increasingly baldfaced in his fascism.

  9. warriorpoet says

    Dear Mr. President,

    I say the following with every bit of sincerity I possess.

    Choke on it, you bastard.

  10. quotetheunquote says

    @hurlingfrootmig #7

    I admit it wasn’t my first choice, but upon reflection, I like your #6 – seems entirely in character.

  11. raven says

    Hope the Trumps die from this.

    His followers will just make him into a martyr and then a saint, like Saint Reagan.

    As horrible as he is, I can’t quite wish him dead from this.
    Trump has one huge saving property.
    He is utterly incompetent at everything he does.

    We would be in far more trouble if the GOP in general and Trump in particular were intelligent, educated, and as malevolent as they are now.

  12. raven says

    Ironically, the White House and the Trump clan have always been lax about social distancing, wearing masks, and avoiding mass gatherings.

    We used to say, their chickens are coming home to roost.
    Or these day, this is their karma in action.

  13. raven says

    Slow the testing down, please.

    Trump and the GOP are raging hypocrites who never walk their talk.

    If Trump hadn’t been tested, he wouldn’t have the Covid-19 virus.

  14. kome says


    Trump is stupid, but he gets his way and that’s why he dangerous. Besides, the cult of conservatism has already turned him into a prophet so the step to martyr is a lateral move. No one else in the Republican party can whip a crowd up like Trump, so if Trump dies, gonna be a lot of distraught cultists with no guidance who probably won’t vote because Pence is just a boring evil piece of shit while Trump’s brand of evil is exciting and charismatic and he tells it like it is and blah blah blah. Trump’s death, especially if accompanied in some way with pictures of him on ventilators and looking like the weakened sack of crap that he is deep down, makes it easier to oust the Republican strangle hold on the United States.

  15. garnetstar says

    I think that this is the single best illustration in recorded history of the truth of that old saying: What goes around, comes around.

  16. strangerinastrangeland says

    Yes, yes, I am a bad person, but since this morning I have a smile on my face. (Same is true for all colleagues I spoke with about this.)
    Also, as one newspaper I read this morning mentioned, if Trump can’t run the country anymore due to illness, and Pence neither (fingers crossed!), then the power goes to the next in line…Nancy Pelosi. Then my smile would change into unmitigated laughter.

  17. bionichips says

    I have said it before and I will say it again. Please do NOT say dump is stupid. He is not. He is not competent in any area a rational person would consider important but despite all of his moral failings – and they are many – he has 80% support of the most religious people in this country. He hijacked the entire republican party, got 2 Supreme Court justices and hopefully not 3. Despite all evidence to the contrary 40% of this country thinks he is doing a great job, covid is not real. Got tax cuts for the ultra-wealthy, etc.

    My wife and I have received one-half of our wish this morning.

  18. PaulBC says

    This is predictable since nobody in his circle takes the slightest precautions. I’m surprised it didn’t happen sooner. I have been following the same precautions since March. I realize my job doesn’t require personal contact, but I don’t see how that’s an excuse. I treat every foray outside the house as a risk, and limit them to ones that are unavoidable. You’d have a hell of a time getting me on a plane right now. Would I travel to attend a family funeral? Not sure.

    My biggest worry is the uncertainty this throws into the election. If he develops severe symptoms and dies, Mike Pence is a very different candidate who is potentially worse for the country in combination with a continued Senate majority, but he could make a last minute pitch that he’s “reasonable” and will respect “norms” which might be all it takes to change voters who have just gotten tired of Trump’s antics.

    Second, it’s probably better if Trump makes a quick recovery or is virtually asymptomatic, but you know he’ll gloat about it. His supporters will gloat. He’ll probably hold a “Can’t touch me I’m immune now” rally. This won’t necessarily help his election chances, but it makes me sick to think of it.

    If he’s incapacitated but makes a full recovery, I am sure he’ll claim the election was “stolen” because he couldn’t campaign but sorry, I think we have seen enough already to make a decision. Let’s get this over with.

    Anyway, we’ll just have to see how it plays out.

  19. strangerinastrangeland says

    @21 kome:

    I agree that some people who would vote for Trump would most likely not vote for Pence for the reason you mentioned (being a b.e.p.o.s.), but I am wondering if this wouldn’t be compensated by those conservative voters who can not bring themselves to support Trump but would vote for a different conservative candidate. It does not look like Trump can motivate more voters that he already has – his die hard fans – but another conservative candidate like Pence might. And frankly, many people will vote for Biden only because he is not Trump.

  20. microraptor says

    I think the best case scenario is that Trump gets sicker, then croaks the day after losing the election, thereby preventing him from contesting the results or causing a succession crisis by refusing to vacate the White House.

  21. PaulBC says

    bionichips@25 What I would say is that he has a low cunning combined with a birth advantage. First, he has figured out the secret every criminal knows, which is that you can get away with a lot more than most people will even try to get away with. Second, unlike a common crook, he started out with a $300 million gift from daddy that he leveraged into the connections he has used to protect him.

    So he tries a lot of things, most of them fail, some of them benefit him greatly. The ones that fail would land most people in jail and that would be the end of it, but there will always be someone to give him another chance. It is impressive that he has figured out how to install personal fixers as AG and SCOTUS justices–Al Capone’s wet dream and the stuff of comic book supervillains.

    This doesn’t make him dumb, but it doesn’t make him exceptionally smart either. He takes advantage of those who are simply unused to the idea that anyone who looks “respectable” can be completely untrustworthy. He’s like the pirate Gentleman Brown in Conrad’s Lord Jim and large parts of the news media have been as gullible as Jim in giving him a second chance.

  22. laurian says

    While we’re gettin all Biblical and shit:

    Do not be deceived: God cannot be mocked. A man reaps what he sows. -Galatians 6

  23. says

    Alverant @5: “I saw a picture showing Dump’s family not wearing masks either so who knows how many people they infected.”

    The Trump entourage at the debate was asked to put masks back on. They refused.

    Yes, Trump was indoors, shouting at Biden for 90 minutes at the debate.

    Yes, Trump knew Hope Hicks has tested positive before he decided to go ahead and travel to New Jersey yesterday for an indoor fundraiser. He did not wear a mask.

  24. Akira MacKenzie says

    @ 15

    His followers will just make him into a martyr and then a saint, like Saint Reagan.

    Ummmmm… How are you a martyr when you’re killed by your own stubborn stupidity?

    Speaking for myself, I want Trump’s final words to be muffled gurgling, because he’ll have a ventilator tube shoved down his throat.

  25. lotharloo says

    I asked in the other thread too, but does anyone know what happens to the mailed in votes that already have been cast in case one of the candidates dies?

  26. PaulBC says


    Ummmmm… How are you a martyr when you’re killed by your own stubborn stupidity

    That qualifies as a minor speed bump if you’re Republican. They have managed to make Kyle Rittenhouse into a martyr despite the fact that he killed two people and is still alive.

  27. Nerd of Redhead, Dances OM Trolls says

    Lotharloo, elections are run by the states. There is no one answer.

  28. Akira MacKenzie says

    Then again, I expect the Infowars nuts and QAnon cultists to start screaming about how God Emperor Trump (their term, not mine) was deliberately infected by the DEEP STATE in hopes of killing him before the election.

    The worst thing however is if he does pull through, then he’ll start crediting his recovery to hydroxychlorquile, plasma treatments, My Pillow Guy’s oleander-based crap, injected bleach, or whatever snake oil he’s pushing right now. That will usher in a whole new bunch of human plague rats who think they’re invincible and that Dear Leader beat Fauci and those elitist doctors with their godless Democrat party science.

  29. microraptor says

    Trump might be faking it. First of all, as has already been pointed out, because faking illness to avoid things he doesn’t like is in character for him. Second of all, because he can then claim to take the phony vaccine he’s been promising and suddenly “recover” in order to prove that it works.

  30. PaulBC says


    The worst thing however is if he does pull through, then he’ll start crediting his recovery to hydroxychlorquile, plasma treatments, My Pillow Guy’s oleander-based crap, injected bleach, or whatever snake oil he’s pushing right now.

    I hadn’t even thought of that. I was pretty certain he’d go with “Good genes, good genes” as his explanation for why he is personally invulnerable. Now I’m not sure.

  31. lotharloo says

    @Nerd of Redhead, Dances OM Trolls:
    So basically, if Biden gets the virus, then whomever dies loses the election. Trial by combat!

  32. F.O. says

    Unless there is an independent confirmation, I’d take everything Trump or his serfs say with several grains of salt.

    His claim to be the super human has been diminished by his tax returns, so a miraculous recovery from a disease he always said is not that bad would definitely bolster his image.
    Plus you know, the constant distraction.

  33. says

    Beware the fake. He’ll claim he has the best immune system of all human beings and beat it in just days with no distress. See if I can do it’s no big deal, get out there and get exposed and get herd mentality [sic]. It’s all made up. The only reason those other people died (if they really did since only 6% of them died from it) is they were fat and not-white. Repugs don’t die from this, only antifa hit men. Whatever happens it will just be another rambling nonsense story. And, oh, the virus came from fake Dem mail-in ballots. Even one millisecond of truth is impossible from this guy.

  34. stroppy says

    “Ummmmm… How are you a martyr when you’re killed by your own stubborn stupidity?”
    Um… Because the Deep State (Pontius Pilate) will have secretly infected (crucified) him.

    Trump smart? I rather think the time was ripe for a perfect storm of stupidity driven by crank magnetism and the madness of crowds. No need to give him special credit, his only gift is being a demented toddler who failed upward.

  35. KG says

    I see the coronavirus has come down with a bad case of Trumps. Maybe this is the point at which it disappears “like a miracle”, disgusted beyond endurance by finding itself obliged to infect such vile individuals.

    Nerd of Redhead@37, or anyone else,
    What options do the states have if a presidential candidate dies? I can envisage several possibilities, some of them absurd, but that’s not an obvious bar:
    1) The vice-presidential candidate is automatically “promoted”, and votes for the dead candidate go to them. Subcases: they can/cannot choose a replacement vice.
    2) The vice-presidential candidate can be written in, but votes for the dead candidate are thrown away.
    3) The election proceeds with the remaining candidates, no write-ins.
    4) The election is postponed in that state, with a new round of nominations and voting.
    5) The election is cancelled in that state, the legislature chooses the electors.
    6) The dead candidate can still “win”, but if they do, their electors can vote for anyone they like.
    7) The dead candidate can still win, and the electors will vote for them.What to do if they win the whole thing? Presumably they are ruled ineligible to take the oath, but what then?
    8) The dead candidate automatically wins, as a consolation prize.
    I’m sure there are more I haven’t thought of. I’ll have to find out more before I know whether I wish Trump to die.

  36. KG says

    Plus you know, the constant distraction.- F.O.@43

    But he’s been doing his utmost to move the campaign off the topic of the pandemic. This brings the focus right on to it.

  37. cag says

    The real tragedy here is the plight of the citizens of Washington DC who have to suffer through the Great Bleach Absence of 2020.

  38. blf says

    Is hair furor faking it? The most trustworthy statement indicating it is real that I currently know of is from his physician, Dr Sean Conley, who has confirmed. However, there are still caveats. First, while from the Navy, he is part of the Wacko House mob and hence tainted with deep suspicion. Second, he previously confirmed he previously approved hair furor’s taking hydroxychloroquine. Which, if true, works great! Now where’s the ingestible bleach?

    An indirect confirmation is Wacko House is apparently going nuts (albeit how one can be nuttier when one is already so nutty the squirrels stay away out of caution) and initiating contact tracing, mask wearing, etc. Along those lines, hair furor is a self-acknowledged germophobe, and a powerful albeit indirect confirmation would be plausible reports about what is being done to manage his phobia now that he has (allegedly) been diagnosed with a disease that is exceptionally dangerous to old fat men.

    I’m currently (now) leaning towards the diagnoses being real — it certainly is not surprising — but still lacking is that crucial independent verifiable confirmation. Latest (that I know of) is he is showing symptoms.

  39. PaulBC says

    blf@50 The reason I think it’s real is that I’m surprised it took this long for him to contract it. He’s not taking precautions and he’s surrounded by cultists who are following his lead and bring the virus back to him. What did anyone expect to happen?

  40. says

    Nobody has appeared to notice that we have the Trifecta of hypocrisy. Trump with Corona. The Melania with her being recorded as saying “*uck Christmas” and then Robert Murray the coal moron claiming Black Lung benefits.

  41. logicalcat says

    I dont know if its been said yet but when and if he recovers with minimal damage hes going to use that experience to further downplay the secerity of the virus. Ive had patients his age survive corona with no obvious signs or symptoms so its possible.

  42. bcwebb says

    I heard that QAnon says that the Steven Miller and Bill Barr are out procuring young pedophile victims for their adrenochrome to give to Trump. …pass it on.

  43. dorght says

    In keeping with the theme, best post I’ve seen today:
    “Justice Ginsburg, in her first appearance, successfully petitions god.”

  44. PaulBC says


    I dont know if its been said yet but when and if he recovers with minimal damage hes going to use that experience to further downplay the secerity of the virus.

    I have said it here and elsewhere. It was my first thought.

  45. raven says

    Ive had patients his age survive corona with no obvious signs or symptoms so its possible.

    My friend caught the virus in March.
    She still isn’t OK.
    A long hauler.

    She said recently that she is finally getting better.
    I saw her recently in RL for the first time in a while.
    If that is getting better, she must have been really sick.
    She looked OK except she had lost something like 20 pounds, most of which she couldn’t afford to lose.

  46. PaulBC says

    I would add that if Trump really wants to crow about his “good genes” and personal invulnerability or use it to plug hydroxychloroquine and the “pillow guy”, it’s a good time to remind him of his body count.

    A lot of people… even Republicans I bet… care more about their grandparents than they do about Donald Trump.

  47. tacitus says

    Ummmmm… How are you a martyr when you’re killed by your own stubborn stupidity?

    Easy. On Infowars this morning:

    Nearly 7 months before President Trump’s positive coronavirus test result, Alex Jones predicted the elite would use the virus as an excuse to take POTUS out before the 2020 election.

  48. tacitus says

    The worst thing however is if he does pull through, then he’ll start crediting his recovery to hydroxychloroquine,

    Saw a post on a right wing forum last night claiming that hydroxychloroquine “cured” Louis Gohmert “in two weeks” when it caught it.

    Is hair furor faking it?

    Nah. He’s too narcissistic to falsely admit that Covid-19 got him, especially after months of brazen denial and egotistical puffery. He clearly equates getting sick with weakness, not that he won’t find a way to rationalize his own encounter with Covid.

  49. unclefrogy says

    have to get back to praying like a motherfucker for that wretched soul. It’s the least I can do.


  50. garnetstar says

    KG @47, all too true. Any and all of what you say, and more, could and would happen as everyone individually improvises to their own liking.

    At least William Henry Harrison had the decency to wait until a month after his inauguaration to die! Thanks, Trump.

  51. says

    dorght @57: The version of that I saw was “Ginsberg successfully argues her first case before God.” Which… makes a certain amount of sense; talking back to YHWH is traditionally one of the perks of Judaism, isn’t it?

  52. PaulBC says

    @68 ?!

    I hope he pulls through and it is not because I like the guy or even because I am moral. I just don’t want more shit thrown into the blender at this point.

  53. wsierichs says

    I’ve been expecting this news for a long time, given how Trump refused to take any real precautions and kept putting himself into contact with people without masks or other acts of self-preservation. I hope he survives for one reason: He is probably going to lose the election, and therefore will lose what legal protections he was given against prosecution. If the Democrats demand and allow justice to prevail (I’m not optimistic that Biden won’t announce on Jan.20 that “we must look forward and not back”), then Trump will certainly end his life in prison. I really want to see that.

  54. cvoinescu says

    robro @ 65: That is a weird article. The breathless anxiety of the author comes from unrealistic, strangely naïve assumptions. To claim that enemies would take advantage of a sick or incapacitated Trump implies that him being alive and well is somehow a source of stability and security. The Trump we know does Russia’s work for them, and brags about it afterwards.


    The White House’s failure to prevent a deadly virus from coming close to a purposefully unprotected President undercuts any political propaganda about the administration having Covid-19 under control.

    Strategically speaking, it weakens any credibility that the US has, in terms of being a competent global leader prepared to confront threats.

    I’m very sorry to say, but those ships have looong sailed.

  55. says

    If Trump dies, we need to make sure to give him the funeral he truly deserves — full of hostility and anger. The attendees should be encouraged to spit on him as they file past. And it should be the biggest, best-attended funeral ever — the combined weight of phlegm should make the coffin too heavy to lift. And to memorialize him properly, we should built public toilets at the grave site — preferably on top.

  56. hemidactylus says

    I wonder if angels Gabriel and Simon will do battle to take possession of his dark soul as in The Prophecy.

  57. raven says

    To claim that enemies would take advantage of a sick or incapacitated Trump implies that him being alive and well is somehow a source of stability and security.

    It’s been known for years now that Trump is basically…a cardboard cutout. Him being sick and/or incapacitated isn’t going to make much difference.

    Look at how he fought the Covid-19 pandemic.
    Trump did nothing.
    .1. He knew in January like everyone paying atttention that it was coming and did nothing.
    .2. It hit us in March and he haphazardly got a response team together that did…nothing.
    .3. They pushed the responsibility down to the states, which have less expertise and fewer resources than the Feds.

    .4. Then, around June Trump/GOP lost interest and said it was going to disappear.
    .5. Shortly after that it took off again while the Feds…did nothing again.
    .6. Here it is October and the Trump/GOP plan is…they aren’t even pretending to have a plan. It’s to watch another 100,000 Americans die and hope the states pull a rabbit out of their hats.

    A cardboard cutout would have literally done better.
    Behind that cardboard would be the real experts doing what they know how to do, handle a pandemic.

  58. says

    I don’t know how I feel.
    On the one hand, this was inevitable. Lord Dampnut loudly and proudly ignored all safety precautions and pooh-poohed the virus as “no worse than the flu”.
    On the other, this is just cruel… to the virus.
    I do feel bad for Barron, he doesn’t deserve to have to deal with crappy parents.

  59. says

    I’m kind of the same way, but for what it’s worth, the world Donald Trump wants to live in would offer him no pity. Trump’s America is a mean nasty place full of small minded petty people. I suggest only offering him what he offers us. If he dies he’s a pathetic looser who got what he deserved. It’s his philosophy he should live with it.

  60. daved says

    If Trump dies, he should get the kind of eulogy that Hunter Thompson wrote for Richard Nixon, which included the line “his body should have been burned in a trash bin.”

  61. raven says
    Eleven who worked on Cleveland debate are diagnosed with COVID as Chris Wallace says Donald Trump and his family arrived too late for tests and refused to wear face masks and Fox News stars including Lachlan Murdoch are now being tested

    Eleven people involved with set-up and planning Tuesday’s debate have COVID
    Chris Wallace, the host of Tuesday’s debate, said the president was not tested
    The Trump group arrived too late at the venue for testing to be carried out
    Once at their seats on site, they rebuffed efforts to make them wear masks
    Now Fox News’s executives and stars are all being tested for the virus
    Donald Trump was taken to Walter Reed on Friday night for COVID treatment

    Yeah, I know it is the Daily Mail but they probably got the basics right.

    It turns out 11 people working at the debate are now Covid-19 positive. The Trump gang refused to wear masks like the good plague rats they are.
    It’s likely they have infected a whole lot more than 11 people.

  62. hemidactylus says

    I’m having a vexing thought that makes me reflect negatively on myself as a person vis a vis other people. Am I a horrible person for wondering if buying a bottle of champagne might be too presumptive or premature? Or does the horrible state of affairs actually lie outside myself and I’m merely reacting to that in a coping manner after several years of unbelievable horror heaped upon horror?

    More to the point what brand? A kazoo too or is that too much?

  63. says

    @#82, hemidactylus:

    I’m partial to those party squeakers which unroll when blown into, Wikipedia says they’re “party horns”. I bet somebody has already invested in some which are decorated properly for the, er, event in question.

  64. PaulBC says

    @82 Well, I don’t think there is anything to celebrate. It is just a mess that keeps getting worse. I would like to see Trump and the GOP Senate lose in a landslide in November, announced early Tuesday evening on Fox News and accompanied by Sean Hannity bawling his eyes out on national TV.

    If Trump gets sick and dies it really gums everything up.

  65. whheydt says

    Re: KG @ #47…
    Per the 25th Amendment, Section 2, if the office of VP is vacant, the president nominates a replace who must be confirmed by a majority vote of both houses of Congress. That’s how Gerald Ford became vice-president (after Spiro Agnew resigned), and then president on Nixon’s resignation. Ford is the only person to become president without being elected to national office.

    This is, by the way, why the only way Pelosi would become president is if something took out both Trump and Pence before a new VP could be confirmed.

  66. hemidactylus says

    @83- Vicar

    Yeah I was thinking more along the lines of a party horn. Sometimes fate metes an ironic justice.

  67. hemidactylus says

    Holy shit I was thinking Dom Perignon or Cristal, the latter apropos because Russia, but upon pricing them out I’m not a 1 percenter so hells no.

    Given his shitstain branding Mad Dog gutter wine is a better choice but I just can’t.

    I would go with a stout beer (maybe floated on vanilla ice cream to bring out the cross-racial synthesis abandoned post Obama if it ever really existed) because it suits me. Fuck him. Beer it will be.

  68. answersingenitals says

    This story has completely drowned out the other horrible recent medical story, the discovery of brain eating bacteria in drinking water in Texas. That story at least has some good news: The brain eating bacteria discovered in Texas were found to be severely malnourished.

  69. says

    @#89, answeringenitals:

    It’s an amœba, not a bacterium. And the story isn’t getting much play because that particular amœba is a well-known hazard and very manageable, and they’re already handling it. (That particular species should be familiar to anybody who has done any research on neti pots.)

  70. KG says


    I know that. I was talking about the election, and what happens if a presidential candidate dies – an entirely different situation. I’ve yet to see any analysis of this, but I haven’t looked around this morning – I’ll post links if I find any.

  71. a_ray_in_dilbert_space says

    KG@92, the reason why you haven’t read much about it is that there is no formal provision for it. At this point given the early voting that has gone forward, the election would continue with Combover Caligula’s name on the ballot. Mike Pence would be sworn in as President (deities help us), and if the Ticket prevailed despite the death, Pence would likely be sworn in as VP in Jan and then as Pres immediately following.

    If the death occurred earlier in the cycle, before ballots were printed, then the party would choose from among its many remaining assholes to replace Darth Cheeto. There are many possible events in US politics for which there is no developed protocol. For instance every time the VP has succeeded a deceased or resigned Pres, the office of VP has remained vacant until the next election.

  72. blf says

    hemidactylus@82 and following, “Am I a horrible person for wondering if buying a bottle of champagne might be too presumptive or premature?”

    Not in my opinion. In fact, following that very comment (Thanks!), I bought a bottle this morning (French time), not of Dom Perignon or Cristal (the shop had neither), but of one the proprietor recommended, Zero. The name alone seemed appropriate (and I’ve been shopping there for years, so I trust the shop’s recommendations).

    As backup, I also got an Islay Single Malt Scotch Whisky (Bunnahabhain) and an Italian Prosecco (Ca Zen). Plus it now occurs to me, I’ve got a c.40 year old Vintage Port, which I’ve been storing carefully, saving for a very very special occasion…

  73. KG says

    I’m amazed, and disturbed, to find regular commenters here suggesting Trump is faking it. It’s really not much less stupid than the Trumpist conspiracy theories about the virus (in fact, it is one of the Trumpist conspiracy theories about the virus). First, it’s a blow to his entire narrative about both himself, and the virus. Second, how long could such a lie be maintained? Third, a number of his cronies have also reported positive tests – are they faking too?

  74. consciousness razor says

    Third, a number of his cronies have also reported positive tests – are they faking too?

    No, stupid, it was the ancient astronaut Russian Illuminati. They faked the moon landing, then used their time machines to jump ahead to 2021 for a short vacation, only to find out Biden won. So they jumped back to fake all those tests, which will obviously give Trump an advantage because it’s such a deviously clever plan. They’re such cheaters.

  75. blf says

    KG@97, How healthy is Trump? Years of misinformation make it difficult to know (“The president’s doctors have been prone to hyperbole, even as concern has grown over his weight and a secretive hospital visit”). His health and physical condition have, for years, been routinely hidden, obfuscated, or lied about (rather like his taxes, as another example). Deep suspicion — perhaps especially given the lack of independent verifiable confirmation — is understandable. Indeed, to address precisely that lack, numerous commentators have been calling for the doctors at Walter Reed to release information independent of Wacko House.

    Nonetheless, the enumerated objections in @97 are sensible. However, they presume there are rational people within Wacko House and / or the thugs’s campaign. Neither is in evidence. In addition, news of his cronies (and innocents like reporters) also testing positive has (mostly) been coming out after the initial announcement, so using that to retrospectively admonish earlier comments is little different to a Russian troll tactic.

  76. René says

    I may be too late to join this thread, but I really like to have a spoken proof of somebody pronouncing “president” as /preznit/. Video, anyone?

  77. PaulBC says

    Maybe he’s faking COVID because he was also faking not wearing a mask. He let everyone think he was exposing himself to the virus but really he was wearing an invisible monomolecular nanotech filter that lets him breath while blocking all pathogens.

    (And needless to say he wears it over a cheap rubber human mask because he’s obviously a reptiloid alien. The monomolecular filter also converts the earth’s atmosphere to something resembling his home planet.)

    Note, I AM willing to believe that he’s a reptiloid alien (in which case he’d probably not even be susceptible to COVID) but all other signs point to the simple conclusion that he’s been acting like an idiot and got sick.

    How many people who refuse to wear a condom go out of their way to fake a case of chlamydia?

  78. says

    I can’t believe Trump is faking. Admitting weakness is simply not possible for him — even if he were literally on his deathbed, wheezing out his last breath, he’d be declaring that he’s in the best shape, the very best, doctors say they’ve never seen a constitution like his, a general came to him to say, “Sir, you should join Seal Team 6 when you get out of here.”

  79. Ed Seedhouse says

    He decided to go on a car ride today, casually risking the lives of the military members who rode in the car with him. Dexamethasone is known to cause disordered thinking, layered in this case over a large base of already disordered thinking. If I were his doctor I’d slap some benzos into him and put him on a respirator right quick so as to save him from causing worse damage to himself.

  80. raven says

    He decided to go on a car ride today, casually risking the lives of the military members who rode in the car with him.

    That car is sealed to survive a chemical warfare attack.
    He did indeed put the secret service agents within the car at high risk for Covid-19 virus.

    Quite a few Secret Service agents with Trump have already caught Covid-19. It’s been a high risk for them. It wouldn’t surprise me if the ones now assigned to Trump were the ones that caught the virus…and recovered. Presumably they are immune at least for a while.

  81. raven says

    Current reports are that Trump is doing OK and might go back to the White House today.
    They could even be true, for now anyway.

    One of the things long ago noticed about the course of the infection is the second week crash syndrome.
    For reasons that aren’t clear, quite often patients seem OK and then 7-10 days after infection, they suddenly go sharply downhill.
    He isn’t going to be anywhere near recovered for two to three weeks. This virus has a tendency to hang on for a while.

    Doctors rush to understand COVID-19’s second-week crash … › doctors-rush-understand-covid-19s-week-crash › story

    May 6, 2020 – Doctors rush to understand COVID-19’s second-week crash. Doctors aren’t sure why the second week seems to be particularly dangerous. By. Dr …