They don’t hate me enough yet

Baptists for Brownback are accusing me of satanic lies now, but I still haven’t made their list of the hellbound.

I’m wondering if it’s my trophy wife who is keeping me from the brink of damnation. She was brought up as a Baptist, after all, and the fact that she’s still with me at least implies there is some hope for my salvation.*

*Mmmm…naaaah. No hope.


  1. Mac says

    Do you ever sleep, PZ?

    And am I the only one who chuckles everytime he reads about the “curse of Ham”?

  2. says

    This is laugh out loud funny: “Sam Brownback as President in 2008 and again in 2012 because it is what Jesus wants!”

    *Raises his hand* I have a question… How do you know what Jesus wants?

  3. keyser_soze says

    I am sure they have you pegged as a demon in human guise. And they left out the part about you bathing in virgin’s blood and eating live babies. Shoddy reporting on their part.

  4. Tim says

    My wife is a committed Christian who long ago learned to lie back and think of England when I go on my tirades. I hang around the church from time to time when something special is going on, and I have to admit to occasionally being drawn into the camaraderie and warmth that lots of people exude there. Good people. Nice people. Good neighbors and friends. If not for the theology, it might be a pleasant club. But then I run into a site like Baptists for Brownback, and I’m reminded all over again why Christianity scares me off like a dog getting a facefull of vinegar. My wife maintains that not all Christians are hateful and ignorant rubes, but I have a sneaking hunch that it’s not possible to be Christian without a disturbing degree of suspension of disbelief and a strong sense of celestial partisonship. The Christian seems to be mentally hunkering down behind the ramparts all the time, suspicious of everything and everyone. A religion for the paranoid.

  5. Curtis says

    wait a minute…Paglia is beneath you, fair enough, but you give attention to THESE people?


  6. Tim says

    Wait – I’m a little confused here. Are we sure this site isn’t actually satirical, and that Christian screeds are typically so extreme that we didn’t notice? Check out this excerpt from one post concerning a “coastal cottage”. I always thought ministry and wealth weren’t supposed to go together.

    While I adore our little costal [sic] cottage, it is simply not large enough to accommodate comfortably seven guests and domestic help. Every bedroom was occupied; one suite even sheltered two guests. Grace, who is suffering a profound grief of her own, graciously agreed to sleep in the servants’ quarters forcing my housekeeper to sleep on a sofa in the media room. The solace normally found in my weekend get-a-way was lost forever.

    Now that most everyone has left, I realize that the joy of this cottage has been replaced by sorrow and pain; therefore, I simply cannot stay here any longer. This afternoon I am checking into a nearby resort and spa, and will be listing my once loved get-away with a realtor for sale. If you know of anyone pre-qualified to purchase an oceanfront, 7BR, 9BA full stack-stone, 1999-constructed cottage featuring two gourmet kitchens, formal LR, DR, Media Room, GR, 4 fireplaces, fully furnished, with freshwater pool/spa and 4-car garage, in a gated community, send me an email and I will forward the information along to my realtor.

    They made the housekeeper move to the couch? How Christian is that? Two gourmet kitchens, pool/spa, four-car garage? In a little getaway place? I’m in the wrong job.

  7. bernarda says

    This has to be a satirical site. Granted, it is often difficult to distinguish a parody from what xians actually believe. The parodies make as much, or more, sense.

  8. Torbjörn Larsson, OM says

    Um, okay, reading it I find that it is really an “entertaining Godly site”, as they note themselves btw. D’oh, I wouldn’t work that much for a politician. :-P

  9. Torbjörn Larsson, OM says

    Um, okay, reading it I find that it is really an “entertaining Godly site”, as they note themselves btw. D’oh, I wouldn’t work that much for a politician. :-P

  10. says

    Mexicans steal our jobs, Chinese kill our dogs, and atheists marry pure Baptist girls (no doubt in secular, submarinal ceremonies).

    Who was your marriage celebrant, “Dr” Myers–a giant squid?

    This is the crazy, Godless America lieberals have created.
    Only Sam Brownback can set things right.

  11. G. Shelley says

    Funny site, but absolutely a parody
    While there may be one or two Christians stupid, ignorant (or more likely, dishonest) enough for

    If you are an educated Christian you know that evilution is an unsupported theory that insists every man, woman and child is descended from chimpanzees–a theory invalidated by the fact that today our zoos and circuses are still filled to the brim with chimps.

    but given how much they love to think that Jesus suffered (which is the only explanation for the success of Mel Gibson’s “The Passion”), there is no way they would also say

    It’s not a stretch to compare the persecution he suffered to that which our Lord faced when he spoke truth to the Pharisees more than 2000 years ago.

    of course, you may know this, but just as it is hard to spot a parody amidst the realms of lunacy, it is hard to spot someone who has fallen for a parody amidst those who knowingly just pretend.

  12. says

    Eeeh… is there anyone who hasn’t figured out the site is a satire yet? It’s way more obvious than Shelley the Republican. On the other hand, I was convinced that Harun Yahya was a parody at first… and a very good one, at that.

  13. Dave Root says

    “Baptists For Brownback” and “Blogs 4 Brownback” are nothing more than spoof websites that are run by amateurs that perpetrate their site with conservatives religious overtones to be somehow offically connected to the official Brownback campaign.

    The Denver Post came out with an article revealing these spoof websites- “Online spoofs cloud political stances”

    Then I posted some comments to the blog that critisized the article (see the link below) and was falsely accused of being a sexual predator by Psycheout who regularly posts on Blogs 4 Brownback.
    (Read 12 th post from top)

    Psycheout- “It seems the guy’s obsessed with hooking up with foreign women without letting them know he’s likely a sexual predator. Sad, really.”

    Well unfortunately for Psycheout I am not a fake or a spoof and have never been convicted of any crimianl ofense. It seems that the Brownback campaign and those spoof websites are getting desperate dirty and mean.

    Dave Root

  14. Elliott says

    As one of the token Canucks that regularly lurks and occasionally posts here, I was taken aback to discover that amongst the Hellbound was “Dyrgas Gate (to Hell): Canadian. Enough said.”

    Who are there Baptists for Brownback anyway? Descendants of the Warhawks that conned the U.S. into fighting the War of 1812?

  15. Justin says

    (Barak) Obama Hussein Bin Laden….no matter how many times I see this kind of thing spew from the right-wing, I still get a good chuckle out of it.

  16. MA says

    Could someone enlighten me? Is the BFB website genuine? Are those people for real? Surely not? It’s a parody, right?

    Well, I joined in with the parody theme and left this for them:

    Praise indeed. I feel the power of the LORD in this website. I foresee great days ahead when Brother Brownback brings to bear the great furious vengeance of God’s Mighty Nation (praise be) on the gays and the Muslims and the heathens and the Hindus and the Buddhists and those who listen to Satan’s rock music and anyone else who doesn’t follow the path set out by the faultless book of Our Lord! I feel The Rapture coming on. Let’s fry this planet and wait for Jesus to come get all us who somehow chose the RIGHT religion. Praise the wisdom of our god.

  17. says

    Tim wrote:

    I hang around the church from time to time when something special is going on, and I have to admit to occasionally being drawn into the camaraderie and warmth that lots of people exude there. Good people. Nice people.

    I think you’re sadly mistaken, Tim. Just read beyond the nice, fluffy passages during their sermons. Just look at their misogynistic and antihomosexual agenda. And, related to you, realize what they think about you and where you’re going. Nice bunch of people.. yeah, right.

  18. Lulu says

    Actually, PZ, you are on the Hellbound list now (as of 8/9/07!). You even got your own entry… and I think the code following it stands for “Not Safe For Adults”. gasp!

    Baptists 4 Brownback are fuckin’ great. And yes, they’re a joke, we get it. Well, I do. No one else is important.

  19. viggen says

    You know, I think it might be possible that the “Baptists for Brownback” are actually a bunch of pot-smoking hippy liberals who are trying desperately to scuttle Brownback’s bid. The way that stuff is written, it’s almost as if they want everybody else to be against them.

  20. says

    Funny thing is, they seem eager to maintain the joke that it’s not a parody. 5 minutes after I had written a post about them, I got a comment from their admin insisting that they were indeed genuine, god-fearing republicans. The avatar even had the trademark televangelist haircut.

  21. Gene Goldring says

    After reading that garbage I had only one thing to share in their comments.

    Ignosticism is the word of the day.

  22. says

    Hey PZ: are you also one of the pranksters behind the Baptists for Brownback hoaxsite? If so, who else is in and where do I sign up for posting satire like that?

  23. Retired Catholic says

    Geez, if you’ve got such a lovely trophy, the least you could is show a picture of her perched on your mantle. Hard to tell if this is a parody site. The reality is already a parody.

  24. MikeM says

    It is very, very clearly a hoax website. I figured out blogs4brownback about 20 minutes after first finding it, and this one about 10 seconds before going to it.

    Check out their comments on “helioleftism”, their theory that the world is flat. That’s some funny writing right there. I think they’re geniuses.

    I personally suspect it’s one or more of Letterman’s writers. After all is said and done and Brownback pulls out of the race, these writers MAY step forward and confess. Until then, I urge people to get into character and have a ball. I’ve posted many comments over there.

    Blogs4Brownback is currently commenting on the classic book, “Turmoil in the Toybox.” I can barely do it at work because of the ensuing laughter.

    Anyway, I leave you with their comments on a new school in Texas.

    That is absolutely surreal.

  25. MikeM says

    I mean, heck, look at the jpg on their website for “The Great I Am says”…

    That’s funny. So glad I wasn’t drinking coffee when I first saw it.

  26. William Hyde says

    It has to be a parody site. Real sites of this type don’t provide active links to and other “hellbound” sites.

    William Hyde

  27. tony says

    Maybe someone can confirm/deny this for me….

    but I seem to recall a character in Orson Scott Card’s “Alvin” series: “Pastor Tobin” and that series was all about “Makers”

    Would that be right?

  28. uriel says


    I didn’t realize that the “trophy wife” link led to the same post I linked to.

    Sorry for the clutter.

  29. says

    Baptists for Brownback is a genuine site with a genuine interest in the ascendancy of Sen. Sam Brownback to the Presidency of our Republic. What makes it confusing is They make it seam like they have the support of all Christians and Republicans. But they don’t.

    I can tell you of, For a FACT, at least one person who begs to disagrees with them: Rep. Tom Tancredo and his supporters, including God’s Humble Servant, myself.

    This has been Revealed to me through Prayer. You evilutionists probably will scoff at this, but that is just the Dark Lord blinding you from the Truth.

    God has Called upon me at prayer after lunch today to tell you that Conservatism is NOT monolithic. Most importantly, and that God only supports some Conservatives. God does NOT support Sam Brownback. God supports Tom Tancredo because only Tom Tancredo is a True Dominionist.

  30. says

    I am one of the admins at the heathen compound RationalWiki we have actually had several B4B contributors sign up for our site, and participate to one extent or another. They have been good fun. I think they are only marginally deep cover parodist. But if not we are in good company for the hell bound.

  31. says

    I’m sorry, Rev, but Dominionists for Tancredo are clearly a collection of lukewarm Christians. Everyone knows that the minimal requirement for demonstrating your fervency to the Lord is to damn PZ Myers to hell and curse his lavish lifestyle, and marvel at the beauty of the wife he won by making a deal with Satan.

  32. tony says

    hippie Rev PaulT: I hope you’re a parody, ‘cos if not you’re truly, deeply, madly delusional.

  33. says

    Sir, Unlike Baptists for Brownback, Dominionist’s for Tancredo have not hate in their hearts.

    I pray for your Soul–I have saved darker ones, though yours will be quite a challenge–and I do not covet your wife, nor do I wish to see a picture of her lest I be tempted to fornicate.

  34. octopod says

    #11: That would be SO COOL. Jesus Haploid Christ. I’m telling my fiancee and all the people at TONMO and seeing if we can hook it up. ^_^

  35. Bryan says

    Hate to ruin it for you, but they are a parody. If you hover your cursor over their blogroll link to Andrew Sullivan you’ll read “Single. Handsome. Republican. What more could a GOP gal look for in a man?”.

  36. says

    I think it’s pretty clear now that PZ is fully aware of the joke, and he’s leading the rest of us by example in promoting it.

  37. sil-chan says

    Is the Baptists for Brownback site a satire? Seriously. I can’t tell. Every article I read makes me change my mind. I’ll read one and think “Oh my, this has got to be satire.” Then I read another and think “OMG, this can’t be satire.”

    So which is it o.O

  38. Johann Robert says

    #49, Octopod:
    Jesus Haploid Christ

    You shall surely go to hell for making baby Jesus cry with your Blasphemy. Repent before it is too late and let the truth of god’s grace enter into your heart. Our Lord, Jesus Christ was not a Haploid. As true science, conducted in accordance with the christian faith shows, His Mama was a self-fertilizing Parthenochimera shemale. You Evilutionists can no longer spread your vile lies about the Virgin Mother.

    Praise the Lord. Hallelujah!!

  39. JBatt says

    #52, sil-chan

    I think it’s not meant to be humorous, unfortunately. Oh, and PZ, they appear to have stuck you on the bottom of the list now.

  40. uriel says


    You’re welcome.

    Thanks, I guess?

    Come on- I already gave a mea culpa for the inadvertent inclusion of that word fragment. Isn’t that enough? Hell, given that and my admitted unawareness that PZ had already linked to the post I linked to, I’ll even grant you that that was the dumbest post ever. It overflowed with mindless idiocy. It exuded unawareness that would make the excrement of the common earthworm look like manna.

    Cripes, what do I need to do- get some swarthy Italians to nail me to a cross-beam before my abject contriteness is accepted? Sheeesh.

  41. uriel says

    And, as a further admission of my complete insufficiency as a poster on this blog-

    Sorry about the bad html tags in that last response. Man, do I suck.

  42. says

    Professor Meyers, you’ll thank me eventually to see that I have put you on my Interweb Prayer Roll. You’ll be pleased to Note that unlike the Baptists for Brownback, who have damned you to an eternity of Hellfire with the Beast, I believe in WORKING for the salvation of all souls. You will find me, like all Dominionist’s for Tancredo, a kinder, gentler Christian than the Baptists for Brownback. You will also find, if I may, Rep. Tom Tancredo to be a superior candidate for President. Especially compared to Sen Sam Brownback, who is a false prophet.

    God called me to the Interweb just the other day and I’ve accomplished a LOT in this time. At prayers this morning He told me to keep it up until further notice, so I have a lot of work to accomplish and have to go.

  43. Ebert says

    Fuck You, Fuck Redemption, Fuck your Fear Mongering.
    PZ has no need for ‘saving’.
    Everytime I read this christian bullshit I just get angrier and angrier at their complete lack of morality and intelligence. It just scares me to know that they are actually trying to get a “God President” into the white house. I Pray on the name of a certain Flying Spaghetti Monster to devour this awful shitload of child abusers, robbers, and deceitful “faith”-lovers.

  44. Ebert says

    Or better yet, just calling Satan on you. That’s always a kicker. *high fives Satan*

  45. says

    While reading the blog I kept debating: fact or fiction, but my naiveté stems from having been raised around people with this type of mindset and yes, they do exist as scary as that is. I’m still attempting to ward off the ill effects.