Roy Zimmerman keeps writing those songs

As a fan of Roy Zimmerman — I’ve mentioned his Creation Science 101 before, among other lovely songs about the modern world — I have two revelations for you. If you’re a guitar player, he has released a short clip that is a tutorial on how to play Creation Science 101. There are fingerings and keys and chords and things that lost me. If you aren’t a guitar player (like me!) you can still enjoy the wisecracks.

Secondly, he has a new YouTube video titled “Ted Haggard is Completely Heterosexual”. Watch out, it’s a little bit risque — he rhymes “schism” with … well, it’s obvious from the subject matter, isn’t it?


  1. Johnny Vector says

    Wow! We’ve needed this guy since 1965! Acerbic, politically active, polysyllabically-rhyming, and damn funny! His songs really should be played on a show-tunes instrument, a category in which the guitar does not, alas, qualify. So I just imagine he’s playing a six-string piano.

  2. jimmiraybob says

    …he rhymes “schism” with … well, it’s obvious from the subject matter, isn’t it?

    Fism? Bism? Lism? Proprietism? Momism? I guess I’ll just have to watch.

  3. forsen says

    Laurence, that one’s brilliant… “Abstain with me” and “Defenders of Marriage” are almost as good. This one’s sure funny, but not on par with previous offerings.

  4. TAW says

    I feel stupid. “ted’s a little haggard but he’s thankful for the schism” ??? what? I don’t get it.

    Will my “english isn’t my native language” excuse fly?

  5. AlanW says

    As a public service:
    From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia
    Jism may refer to:
    * A slang term for semen, a fluid secreted by the gonads of male animals;
    * A term in Hindi meaning body;
    * Jism (film), a 2003 Bollywood film;
    * The Jordan Institution for Standards and Metrology.
    * The Joint Initiative Synergy Movement;
    * A song by Tindersticks;
    * Jizz-fest – the name of the world famous dyslexia festival.

  6. John W. says

    I still don’t understand what The Jordan Institution for Standards and Metrology has to do with Ted Haggard?

  7. The quantum pancake says

    Between science and religion there ain’t no schism,
    it’s just antidisestablishmentparliamentarianism!

  8. John C. Randolph says

    I agree, this guy’s the best thing since Tom Lehrer.


  9. says

    From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia
    Jism may refer to:

    Thanks, but I suggest that people watch the video. It is far more clever than the implied ryhme for schism.

    It may have something to with the delivery, but I actually chortled when he got to that point.

  10. Cyan says

    Rhyming schism with syllojism… pardon me, syllogism, is a perfectly innocent jack, er, jerk, er, joke.

  11. Carlie says

    …and he even managed to rhyme it without making a neologism.
    (ow, again)

  12. Deepsix says

    Never heard of this guy before, which is too bad because that was funny as hell.