Before we go any further, I don’t actually know that there will ever be a part 2, but who knows, I’ve had lots of embarrassing moments in my life so maybe someday we’ll have a part 3,246. Might as well start out the naming convention with room for growth, then, eh?
This admission is about how complicated the process is to come out as trans. When I was coming out there was a relative dearth of information about FtM experience, but the relatively larger amount of information about MtF experience was no advantage as the information was thoroughly buried under the crappiest of misinformation. As a result, when I was 20 years old and struggling to talk to the people close to me about my relationship with my body and my gender, I knew I wanted sex reassignment surgery, but I wasn’t at all sure if I was transsexual. I was desperately worried that it might be difficult to communicate with doctors about wanting SRS without actually being transsexual. (And I was right to be worried!) But the fact remained:
I could not be transsexual because I did not like sequins. And I wasn’t going to start wearing makeup just because I was giving myself a different name and intending on having SRS. And high heels? No. They might be fun dress-up toys, but having bone problems from a young age took all the fun right out of them. Obviously I wasn’t transsexual for all of those reasons, but let’s be clear: the thing I kept coming back to was the sequins. My mom had a couple sequin blouses and I hated them. They looked fine from a distance. They looked fancy and even cool, in the right light. Particularly the one that was all black sequins. But not only were they not my style to wear, the touch of them was just awful. How could anyone give or receive hugs in that thing? Ew. The very idea made my skin crawl.
So there it was: not transsexual because sequins.
I throw this out there because some people get nervous talking about trans-related topics, thinking that their ignorance might shock me or cause me problems. Look, folks, l’m a trans woman and I was planning on having sex reassignment surgery while simultaneously being convinced I wasn’t actually trans because I didn’t (and still don’t) like sequins. Society feeds the misinformation to all of us. Trans folk are not immune. If I can think I wasn’t trans because sequins, whatever your misconceptions are could not possibly shock me.