What to send Elon Musk to congratulate him?

The once venerable Time magazine has announced it’s 2021 Person of the Year. And it’s Elon Musk.

Time magazine cover with closeup photo of Elon Musk next to his name, and PERSON of the YEAR across the top.


Rep. Pramila Jayapal (WA-7) and Sen. Elizabeth Warren (MA) both emailed me, appalled. Here’s Warren:

This year, so many people have worked so hard to help our communities get through this pandemic.

Doctors. Nurses. Scientists, researchers, everyone who’s gotten vaccines into arms. Educators and staff who’ve gotten kids safely into school. All the people who’ve taken care of loved ones, gone to work day after day, and pitched in to keep our country running.

But you know who’s gracing the cover of Time Magazine as their “Person of the Year”?

Elon Musk — a poster child for how our rigged tax code lets billionaires pay hardly any taxes at all. Let’s take a spin through some of his greatest hits:

  • In 2018, he paid zero dollars in federal income taxes.

  • From 2014 to 2018, he got $13.9 billion richer but only paid 3.27% of that new wealth in taxes.

  • During the first year of the pandemic, he got about $143 billion richer while millions of Americans struggled to put food on the table and keep a roof over their heads.

Jayapal points out much the same thing:

We can’t believe Time Magazine just named Elon Musk its “Person of the Year.” Musk is the richest person in the world and yet he avoids paying his taxes while working families struggle to put food on the table and pay rent.

While so many have lost their jobs and health insurance during this pandemic, the rich have only gotten richer and the wealthy have watched their profits skyrocket. National magazines should be honoring frontline heroes and those working towards a fairer, more just society. Not a billionaire who paid nothing — not a single penny — in federal taxes in 2018.
[emphasis in original]

Warren and Jayapal (and other Dem congresscritters the party hates and disempowers in favor of its conservatives) are working on an Ultra-Millionaire Tax Act, which would slap a minimum tax on wealth over $50 million, i.e. not just income, and plug up the more egregious tax loopholes that allow the super rich to avoid paying any taxes at all. It’s a lovely idea, but I’m certain that even if it passes into law with some teeth still in it – a huuuuge IF – the super rich will find a way around it, with eager assistance from Big Banksters.

But there are many other reasons to despise Mr. Musk that are at least as compelling. I mean hell, he is hardly alone up at that altitude in the non-existent tax bracket.

Why, just one day after the exciting Person of the Year reveal, I saw this:

Washington Post banner logoBREAKING NEWS
Dec. 14, 3:13 p.m. EST

Six additional women file suits against Tesla alleging sexual harassment
The workers suing the electric vehicle company allege that it fostered a culture of sexual harassment at its Fremont, Calif., plant and other facilities. They say they were subjected to lewd comments and cat-calling, physically intimate touching and discrimination. The complaints follow a similar lawsuit filed last month in which a factory employee alleged “rampant sexual harassment at Tesla” and “nightmarish conditions” in its factories.
Read more (@WaPo)

It’s not like Time could not have known about such allegations before yesterday, because there’s also this:

Washington Post banner logoBREAKING NEWS
Nov. 19, 7:30 a.m. EST

A Tesla employee alleges sexual harassment is rampant at the California factory in a rare lawsuit
Jessica Barraza said she was subjected to near-daily catcalls and aggressive physical touching while working at the company’s Fremont, Calif., factory. She is suing the electric vehicle maker, alleging that the company’s hostile work environment triggered her anxiety, leading her to take medical leave. Multiple women have told The Post that they had been harassed at the factory.
Read more (@WaPo)

For those who require translation from Liberal-Media-Speak, “aggressive physical touching” means sexual assault. In California specifically, it means sexual battery, a misdemeanor punishable by up to six months in county jail and/or a fine up to $2,000. 

Strangely, I haven’t heard about any prosecutions of Tesla employees. I wonder whether Time would put that story on its cover? LOL no, I’m kidding: I do not wonder whether Time would put that story on its cover. Everyone in the Western world now knows the answer to that.

Meanwhile, in totally unrelated news:

Washington Post banner logoBREAKING NEWS
Dec. 15, 12:30 p.m. EST

Senate approves massive defense bill directing independent review of Afghanistan errors, some military justice reforms
The legislation, which the House passed earlier this month, directs an independent review of the Afghanistan war’s legacy, and establishes a new means for the military to prosecute sexual assault and related crimes. President Biden is expected to sign the legislation into law quickly.
Read more (@WaPo)

How massive? $768 billion. When the House passed it, Politico reported “In a bipartisan blowout, 181 Democrats teamed with 135 Republicans to push the bill across the finish line.”

Lest we forget, this is The Richest Country Ever In The World Ever™. You know, the one where homeless rates have been rising for four years, 12 million children are going hungry, nearly one in a hundred people are incarcerated, and medical debt is a growing problem that already afflicts one in four USians, with one in three delaying medical care due to cost. And of course all of those numbers are heavily skewed by race.

But never mind all that! Time magazine has spoken. The richest person in the world – coincidentally, a USian white dude – is Person of the Year! So the only question of importance today is what to send him, as an appropriate token of congratulations!

I’m thinking of a giant, custom glass golden dildo (<-um, NSFW) in the shape of his own rocket ship, with a handwritten note that says simply:

Go fuck yourself.

Or, ooh! Ooh! I know! Even better! Maybe we can all chip in and get him one of Jeff Bezos’ actual 60 ft. space penis rockets? 

Elon Musk's space rocket (L) and Jefff Bezos' space rocket (R), which better resembles an actual penis.Elon Musk’s space rocket (L) and Jefff Bezos’ space rocket (R).

Same note, naturally.

And we need a second one for Time.


  1. DonDueed says

    Musk responded to Warren’t comments by calling her a Karen.

    I don’t think he knows what a Karen is.

  2. Verdant Oblivion says

    I do find it amusing that your sources in this piece were all from the WP, then as if to cover your tracks you throw in a penis joke.

  3. says

    @DonDueed: That’s funny.

    @Verdant Oblivion, I find it amusing that you find it amusing. It’s not like I trash WaPo (and NYT) on the regular, or anything 🙄. It just so happens that it is the premiere mouthpiece of the system, so I find it, well, amusing to use it as a source in posts that mock the very status quo it serves. Why would I ever want or need to “cover [my] tracks?” I think perhaps you just don’t get me, and that’s fine.

    But what kind of monster doesn’t love dick jokes, especially ones at the expense of white supremacist capitalist patriarchy? Talk about punching up: it literally doesn’t go any higher than Musk. So thanks for the click, I guess? And the amusement.

  4. says

    StonedRanger & CripDyke: Squirrels! Truly excellent suggestion. The concern I have is the one PZ mentioned recently regarding biological specimens shipped during winter arriving frozen solid. I’m sure you’ll agree: they need to be LIVE squirrels. (agumentum ad sciuridae).

    chigau: yeah, but did it really have to be a white USian dudebro who’s the richest person in the world and pays no taxes? Really? Nobody else?

  5. lanir says

    About the rocket powered option… Looks aside, isn’t that somewhat too likely to bring him back? Sending him out there and then landing him safely back here just seems like a tease.

  6. StonedRanger says

    Come on Iris, lets be honest with ourselves. Live squirrels or dead ones wont really matter. When you have as much money as this gomer has, you know he has a peon to open his mail for him and he would never see them anyway.
    (argumentum Oh yeah? Says who?)

  7. StevoR says

    @ ^ StonedRanger : Well, that does make delivering thsoe squirrels directly to theman himself muchmore of a challenge – but not impossible with enough creativity, brute force or something…

    In very limp defence, better Musk and what he does with his money than Murdoch.. as uses the billionaires can put their (ill-gotten to be sure) money to go, spending it on improving rocket technology and making space more accessible to – hopefully, eventually – all is a lot better than creating, dictating and running Reality Denying pro-Trump propaganda networks. Incredibly Earth’s core low limbo bar to clear as that undoubtedly is.