In Which I Agree With The Pope… A Little

Away in a manger, no crib for his bed
The pope says believers are being misled
The stars in the sky look down where he lay
The pope says it didn’t quite happen this way

The cattle are lowing; the poor baby wakes
The pope says the story is full of mistakes
I love thee Lord Jesus, look down from the sky
But even the pope knows the story’s a lie

Be near me Lord Jesus, I ask you to stay
The stories are bogus; what more can one say?
Bless all the dear children in Thy tender care
Their number is zero… you really aren’t there

Yeah, the pope has a new book out-volume three of his biography of Jesus. This one, “Jesus of Nazareth–The Infancy Narratives” (conveniently out in time for Christmas sales) would appear to be yet another salvo fired in the war against Christmas. That’s right, against. All those nativity scenes in Santa Monica and elsewhere? Yeah, not so much.

According to the pope’s research, there is also no evidence in the Gospels that the cattle and other animals traditionally pictured gathered around the manger were actually present.

He also debunks the claim that angels sang at the birth, a staple theme of Christmas carols.

I can’t wait until Bill O’Reilly attacks him for being a grinch.

On Origins

The atheists, in arrogance, say man evolved from slime
From nothingness to everything, and all you need is time
With no one there to witness it, they simply cannot know
The truth is, they are idiots… the bible tells me so.

I may not know my science, but I know my holy book
It’s got all the truthful answers there; you simply have to look
Its authors took dictation from Almighty God Himself
That’s a sample of omniscience you’ve got sitting on your shelf.

The bible is, we all agree, God’s perfect, holy word
The scholars say it’s error-free; it’s what the ancients heard
With no one there to witness it, they simply cannot know
But you can trust the bible’s word… the bible tells me so.

[Read more…]

Through A Glass, Darkly (another guest post by Dr. Adequate)

I asked the preacher to expound
where in the Bible it is found,
and where in Scripture written
why evil flourishes, and why
when blameless children starve and die
still tyrants live unsmitten.

He sighed: “Alas! If we but knew;
but I am human, so are you:
a humble, mortal man.
We cannot see things through God’s eyes
or with his wisdom, know how wise
the workings of his plan.”

The ways of God are not our ways;
that’s what the Bible clearly says
(Isaiah 55).
We cannot know; God only knows:
the dead are dead because he chose
and those who live, alive.

His thoughts are not our thoughts, alas!
We see as through a darkened glass
(according to St. Paul).
Don’t fuss yourself with asking why;
in Heaven, maybe, when you die
perhaps you’ll know it all.”

I thanked him more than once or twice
for all of his profound advice,
and made a careful note.
“I have another question”, then
I asked this humblest of men.
“Say, how would Jesus vote?”

“I’m glad you asked”, replied the man;
“he’s certainly Republican
and hates the Democrats.
He sheddeth his eternal light
upon extremists on the right
and doesn’t think they’re bats.

I know for sure the great I AM
thinks global warming is a scam,
in every last degree.
He favors tort reform as well,
and has a special place in Hell
for those who don’t agree.

Ye demons of the Left, despair!
His curse is on Obamacare
(he hates the Kenyan’s guts).
And woe to those who separate
in any way, the Church and State:
that really drives him nuts.

Don’t peril your immortal soul
by advocating gun control;
that’s sinful, I’m afraid.
His hand is on the GOP,
and need I spell it out how he
interprets Roe v. Wade?

He loves the rich, of that I’m sure
(when he said “Blessed are the poor”
that’s really what he meant.)
He hates the Mexicans and blacks;
he favors a consumption tax
of six point five percent.

Ah, wicked and corrupt must be
those sinful folk who disagree,
and willfully obtuse.
So plain are all God’s thoughts and ways
that just as the apostle says
‘they are without excuse’.”
[Read more…]

Bible Proves: No Such Thing As Atheists

“What defines an atheist?” The question gives me grief;
Do they actively deny my God, or merely lack belief?

I’m told that I should ask one, but I think that’s rather odd—
There’s no need to ask the godless when I’ve got the word of God!

There’s a line in Psalm 14 on what the fool says in his heart,
So we know that they are foolish, but that’s only just the start—

There’s a couple lines in Romans, showing God won’t be denied,
So the simple explanation is… the atheists have lied!

If you want an honest answer, then you have to ask the King:
Some claim they’re non-believers, but there’s really no such thing.

Circularity Context, after the jump: [Read more…]

The Bible As Projective Test

The Bible says to love your brother,
Respect your father and your mother,
Do what’s right for one another…
The good we’re meant to do

It says whom you may keep as slaves,
To stone the child who misbehaves,
And wicked is the man who shaves…
It’s evil, through and through

And everyone who simply looks
At what it bans and what it brooks
Will find they’re reading different books
And not a simple whole

Sometimes I think the path is best
To treat it as a Rorschach Test—
Inside, you find your views confessed
A mirror to your soul [Read more…]

Two Books, Again

There was a man who had a book
Of Things Which He Believed;
He followed it religiously—
He would not be deceived.

The story in its pages was
The Truth that he adored—
The world outside its ancient script,
He faithfully ignored.

When someone found a falsehood
Or a small mistake inside it
(Or even some tremendous flaw)
He eagerly denied it.

The Truth was there inside his book
And never found outside
If something contradicted it
Why then, that something lied

And when he met another man
Who had another book,
He fell not to temptation—why,
He didn’t even look.

And, surely, there are other men
With other books in hand
Who walk, with views obstructed,
Here and there across the land


There was a man who had a book
(I find this quite exciting)
Who looked upon a tangled bank
And then… he started writing.

He wrote about the things he saw
And what he saw them do
And when he found mistakes he’d made
He wrote about them, too

He shared his book with other men
And women that he met—
They found the catch is bigger, when
You cast a wider net.

They shared their observations
So that everyone could read;
They worked as a community,
The better to succeed.

They found they saw much further,
And discovered so much more
When they stood upon the shoulders
Of the ones who’d gone before

It’s a book that keeps evolving,
Always growing, as we learn.
Many people help to write it:
Would you like to take a turn?

I had forgotten about this one, and was reminded while searching for a response to yet another claim that atheism leads to nihilism leads inexorably to suicide. The most passionate people I have known have been atheist scientists.

The Bible As Textbook

P.Z. shares with us a very learned man… who learned electron microscopy from the bible.

The books about astronomy,
Like Acts and Deuteronomy,
Are but a partial list of those in which I have reliance.
Biology’s dependent on
The First and Second books of John
And Genesis and Exodus? There’s nothing there but science.
The physicist who never fudges
Follows Joshua and Judges;
Daniel and Ezekiel show molar calculations.
In First and Second Timothy,
Electron-scan microscopy
Completes the compound microscopic treatment in Galatians.
The Chronicles of Higher Ed–
Both First and Second, which I’ve read,
Confirm for me the value of an honest education.
An education such as this,
That starts, of course, in Genesis,
And doesn’t give a Ph. D. ’til after Revelation.