And Jesus Saith “Take My Wife, Please!”

The fragment of papyrus read:
“And Jesus said, My Wife…”
Which shocked those unaware of this
Dimension of His life

The fragment, though, is incomplete;
It leaves the scholars vexed.
I’ll ask my learned readers, then…
What do you think comes next?

So, yeah… via National Geographic… A fourth-century fragment of papyrus is making some waves.

The papyrus made international headlines when it was cited in a new paper by Harvard historian Karen King. Smaller than a business card, the fragment includes several lines of handwritten text, composed in Coptic language, which uses Christian symbols.

The final line of text includes the words: “And Jesus said, My Wife…” while quoting Jesus.

My question, then, is simple: What’s the next line? What’s next, that the papyrus got cut off before it told us? For me, I see Jesus as a borscht belt comedian, stealing from Henny Youngman, Jack Benny, and Uncle Miltie…

And Jesus said, My Wife Simon Peter and I will be taking the weekend off..

And Jesus said, My Wife, when she sits around the house, she sits. around. the house.

And Jesus said, My Wife complains about dinner: loaves and fishes again?

And Jesus said, My Wife–Take her, please!

And Jesus Said, My Wife…



  1. Pierce R. Butler says

    Smaller than a business card, the fragment …

    Let’s hope the same quantity of Dan Brown’s ouevre survives the next 17 centuries.

  2. Me says

    And Jesus said, ” My Wife, she completes me…and she completes my Father and the Holy Spirit too, all of us are one complete Holy Square”

  3. subbie says

    “My wife, I think I’ll keep her.”

    Few people know that after carpentry and before playing god, Jesus was one hell of an ad man.

  4. says

    And Jesus said, “My Wife shall be the foundation of life eternal:
    For I am the Bridegroom, and the whole body of them that call upon My Name
    Shall be the flesh of my Bride.”
    Whereupon He began to draw diagrams in the sand with His staff;
    And the apostles were sorely vexed,
    And their rectums grew swollen and painful
    From the contemplation thereof.

  5. says

    And Jesus said, “My wife, take her before I wring her robe and sandal-buying neck. And she never wants to have sex either. Why didn’t God tell me it would be like this?”

  6. dean says

    For me, I see Jesus as a borscht belt comedian, stealing from Henny Youngman, Jack Benny, and Uncle Miltie…

    Makes more sense than considering him to be a carpenter, since we never hear about is carpentry work. One comedian, whose name escapes me, says “If jesus was a carpenter he must have worked for the city, since we never read of anything he built.”

    More in line: “My wife, I take her out to be lost in the desert, but she found her way back”

  7. jnorris says

    Jesus said “My wife, she doesn’t give me any respect. I don’t get any respect from her. Just last night she gave me back my rib.”

  8. warrene says

    And Jesus said, my wife thinks I’m full of shit and won’t submit to my invisible mantle of authority. Even though I’ve assured her repeatedly it’s totally legit,; why won’t she just take my word for it? I know it seems self serving but that’s just a coincidence. Damn women.

  9. Miles says

    And Jesus said “My wife is not going so gweat. But cheew up, and awways wook on the bwight side of wife!”

  10. Steve R says

    It doesn’t matter. In Fundiewhackazoid circles, the only real Scripture is the one produced by King James’s board of scholars. God whispered in their ears, in middle English, and any earlier Bible bits are Satanic frauds.

  11. says

    And Jesus said, “my wife is coming after me
    Cause I ain’t been home since Friday night.

    Gimme police protection
    Gonna buy me a gun so
    I can look out for number one.”

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