Josh Official SpokesGay has a post at More Than Men about the time he was raped, titled Last Night. It gets your attention right away.
“Do you remember what I did to you last night?”
That’s what he asked when I woke, as if asking me to go to breakfast.
I kind of remembered. Then I turned over and felt the pain. He got me drunk, he drugged me, and he fucked me up the ass.
So Josh went right to the police and reported it and the guy was charged and convicted, right? Because that’s how it always works with rape? Like any other crime – you report it, and get justice? Right?
And I sure as fuck didn’t report it to the police. If you have to ask why, then take this opportunity to refill your drink and sit your ignorant ass down.
Report it? To the cops? Did you have a brain tumor for breakfast? Faggots can’t be raped. They’re sex fiends by nature and they never ever turn down the chance to take it up the ass. Because they’re faggots.
Had I reported this to the cops, I would have been put through what nearly all women suffer throughout the reporting process—if they even get past being laughed at or ignored. And the chances aren’t that bad that I’d get an extra rape or a beating for dessert.
Read the whole thing. And by all means discuss it there.
Somebody please send that link to John Loftus I’d do it but I’m banned from commenting on his blog…for pointing out that there are often good reasons (besides being a “spiteful liar” or a “deserter” who has “abandoned their moral obligations”) for not immediately reporting to the police.
http://debunkingchristianity.blogspot.com/2013/08/is-pz-myers-demagogue-opportunist-or.html#comment-1023478341
Well… that is gross.
What, specifically, is gross?
Everything in the story is gross… the guy gets raped, he does not go to the police because there is a lot of homophobia mixed with rape culture and masculine gender roles… I mean.,.. I just read that story and it makes me sick.
Oh, OK. Thanks for clarifying. I’m that guy, btw.
oh sht.. I did not make that connection… fck man..
Yo.. That sht is fcked up. I read it man, and it really disgusted me how this world works. There is so much bad stuff goin round, and I read that story. and.. it was all kinds of messed up.
I’m so sorry that happened to you. I can’t express how much I wish I could somehow make that experience have never happened.
Wow that is perverse. Not the gayness bit – I mean the fact that you were in to them and it sounds like you were willing, and yet they still forced themself on you. Is it some sort of power thing? Gack.
As for the gay sex maniac stereotype… I just went to san Francisco for 2 weeks. Said one asshat: “there are lots of gay people there – watch your butthole”, as if gay people just cruise the streets looking for random anuses to have sex with. Fuuuuuck on all sides. Hopefully the next generation is less messed up in this regard.
On a slightly lighter note, when I was a kid, if I told people my mom was a lesbian (she is), almost always the question from boys was “is she hot?”
Josh, your story is devastating. I don’t comment much, but I had to delurk for this. It’s such a service to the world that you were willing to share it, and I’m sure it cost you plenty.
I teach high school and have had plenty of gay students over the years (and now kids are starting to come out as trans* too, which blows my mind when I think about how much times have changed since I was in school). Anyway, things are definitely getting better, at least in my progressive city in my progressive country – for example, my school board recently mandated that every school must have an all-gender washroom available, and sent a kick-ass sexuality educator around to help staff members understand why it’s so important. Still, being a queer teenager – well, I’m so scared for these kids. I’m scared that they won’t ask for the help they need, or worse that they’ll ask the wrong person.
I can’t give them anything but tea and sympathy, and point them at better resources. It’s not enough, I think. Is there anything you wish that their teachers had known?
fmcp: Thanks, and thanks for being an awesome teacher:) I get such a smile on my face when I see how much better things are than they were when I was a kid.
Not to self-promote, but another article I did for MTM talks about what queer kids could really use—affirmation from gay adults that they’re not alone.
http://www.morethanmen.org/2013/08/01/mild-mannered-milquetoasts/
Thank you – honestly, my attitude is pretty darn average in my school, so I tend to forget what awful people are allowed to bring their disgusting attitudes into classrooms.
I read your other article; I hope this doesn’t sound stupid, but I found it much more upsetting than “Last Night”. The story of your rape is horrifying, but it’s a sadly familiar narrative. There’s a certain emotional protection that comes from being unsurprised. But “Mild Mannered” is another thing altogether. I cannot believe that your vice-principal prioritized her own homophobia over your safety, and I seriously cannot fucking believe that your teacher prioritized her own comfort over your desperate need. Jesus. That’s . . . jesus. Fuck. I wish I had a TARDIS right now so I could . . . I don’t know. Change the world?
Josh, I’m so sorry for your pain, and thank you for talking about this and adding to the tapestry.
—
miles @8
Yeah, I think it is. My story’s very similar to Josh’s in that respect and I just can’t think of any other reason for someone to purposely rape an otherwise willing partner… which just goes to show how bogus all the other supposed “reasons” for rape really are. Rapists don’t want consensual sex with willing partners, they want rape.
What Pterryx said.
And I get your reaction, fmcp. Remember—what the vice principal said was *normal*. She was not an outlier.
Josh, just want to offer gentle distant hugs, and respect for your courage in telling the story, and complete personal understanding of the “no, I didn’t report” part.
*headbonks & ankle-rubs*
Josh
Just coming by to offer whatever gestures of support you prefer.
I think that both Josh and Pteryxx have shown that rape is almost universal across orientations. They don’t rape because they can’t get the sex they want, they rape because rape is the kind of sex they want. and that makes it much more about assault than sex.
I’m so sorry that happened to you, Josh. I’m glad your mother was supportive; I’m so used to seeing the authorities looking the other way, both through these painful stories of survival and my own comparatively minor dealing with bullies. I don’t know if I’d have survived without a supportive family, and it destroys me to see how often that isn’t the case for people dealing with far worse.
That’s just awful, and I’d like to add my own internet hugs of support. I mostly lurk, but I’ve been readying your comments on this blog network for years, and to hear what you’ve been through… well it’s awful.
Thanks for having the courage to write about this, it helps those of us who really don’t have experience or personal understanding learn to understand the problem of rape culture better. It helps people like me who’ve never had to think hard about the ‘reporting problem’ to be able to explain that problem when the old ‘why not report it’ argument comes up.
‘Faggots can’t be raped.’
The lack of any protection from law enforcement and the impossibility of seeing any justice almost seems worse than the rape itself, if that’s possible. Basically, if you’re violated, assaulted, raped — it’s your own fault, no matter what.
This post helped open my privileged straight male eyes, at least a little. I’d never thought of this from a gay perspective.
Thanks, Josh, for posting this. You are a brave man.
A brave man and a great writer.
Seconded. Thanks for your courage Josh. That second article really hit me hard.
When I was in high school I was a scrawny, longhaired kid in a small prairie town who took art classes and sang in the choir instead of playing football or hockey. I’m not gay, but I was “different” and to the jocks, and some of the teachers, in my school that was enough to make me a target of some pretty nasty homophobic bullying. Thirty-five years later I still hear those voices in my head sometimes. I won’t presume to fully appreciate your experience but I can certainly empathize and that scrawny kid inside me thinks you’re kind of awesome. (well, so does the bald middle aged me…)
*warm panda hugs to Josh if he wants them*
Shocked at what you had to go through Josh, I admire your bravery in writing about. I’m sure things like this will help pave the way for others not to have to go through what you experienced.
Thanks all for the kind words. I don’t feel particularly brave, just able to talk about this without suffering repercussions worse than the sort of harassment most of us are already getting online. I’m decades removed from it, and I feel a responsibility to contribute to the destigmatization that others with contemporary and very real fears need.
A Hermit—homophobia is homophobia regardless of whether the target is straight, gay, bi, queer, or anything else. You were bullied in exactly the same way any gay kid was, and the hurt and fear are the same. I’m glad you said something because more people need to understand this. It’s toxic to everyone.
I’m sorry you had to live through that, Josh. I think you’re amazing. Thank you for writing this.
Thanks for sharing this (and for the comments here as well). Take care.
I think you’re pretty damn brave, Josh. Also a hell of a good writer.
I’m glad you hear you did have some support when you first began talking about it. It’s nice to have the pleasant surprise of people being decent for once.
I’m so sorry that was done to you. You have all my support, and whatever gestures you are comfy with.
Right? I was telling Josh how good the writing was before he went live with it, and he was surprised.