I love my Dad

Here’s his reaction to finding out the city council where he and my mom live are praying to Jesus:

It has come to my attention that the Constitution is being threatened in Lady Lake, Florida. For you who have never heard of Lady Lake, it is part of a retirement development known as The Villages. The average inhabitant is about 70+ years old. It’s a great place if you love golf and living an active lifestyle. However, it should be no surprise that it’s prime tea-bag party area. The local newspaper’s favorite columnist is Ollie North, a convicted felon. It also should come as no surprise that the local city council starts every meeting with a secular prayer. The city council says its’ prayer is not meant to favor any one religion, in spite of the fact that they usually end with, “in Jesus’ name we pray”. They also claim they are doing nothing illegal, since the meeting doesn’t officially start until the prayer is completed.

Although I am not surprised by this development, since most of the residences are gun nuts, religious zealots, and war mongers, but I have found that there are also some sane people. I play tennis with a group of guys who are surprisingly liberal. Recently, they asked my opinion on Huckabee for President, and I issued a disclaimer that I was an atheist and I considered all right wing religious politicians as the vanguard for the American Taliban. Instead of stoning me, they wanted to know more about my opinions. I told them, When I am King, people will be able to express their religious beliefs freely in church and their home, but will have to keep their mouth zipped in public. There will be no tax deductions for churches and you will no longer be able to run for office claiming God told you to do it. Everyone knows there is only one god — The Golf God — and he has plenty of bad golf swings in The Villages to keep him/her busy without taking on politics.

I’m becoming convinced that snark is a heritable trait. Quick, someone do a genetic analysis!

What do you call interfaith volunteering where atheists participate?

Volunteering.

That’s partially why I think the push for atheist inclusion in interfaith panels and organizations is so silly. Atheism is not a faith. In fact, it’s the complete absence of faith. Therefore, it is not interfaith. Case closed.

If that simple dictionary definition wasn’t enough, getting atheists involved with Interfaith This and That perpetuates the idea that atheism is just another religion, a stereotype that many atheists have grown weary of debunking. Even if you want to use the label “Humanist” instead, the core principles still remain that we are free of dogma and faith – that our values are based on reason. We can set up chaplaincies and talk about ethics until we’re blue in the face, but we’re still not a faith – at best we’re a philosophy.

Now, I have nothing against atheists, humanists, and pastafarians doing volunteering – it helps to reduce stereotypes of atheists being cruel, unsympathetic people. And I have no problem with atheists doing these things alongside theists, because it also shows that we can temporarily put aside our differences when working toward a common goal. That we may think you’re silly for believing in a zombie savior, but at least we can agree on feeding the hungry or curing diseases.

But that still doesn’t make it interfaith, sorry.

You know what I do have a problem with, though? The interfaith people who say the debaters and the intellectuals need to shut up and just sing kumbaya with religion. I like Chris Stedman, but he had me raging at the last SSA conference where he made the same argument. Where we shouldn’t criticize religion ever, because it’s going to hurt someone’s feelings, and how interfaith was so superior than those firebrand atheists. Even in an otherwise nice piece, he can’t help but add:

Can we set aside intellectualizing and debating, even just for a moment, and start putting our money where other people’s mouths are?

Um, no.

For one, everyone is good at different things. I don’t know how many times I have to say this, but some people are good at being firebrands, and some people are good at being diplomats. There is no one right way to make progress in a movement, so stop telling people they’re doing it wrong. Feel free to volunteer and be bffs with all the religious people you want. But don’t tell me to shut up because I dare to criticize how someone’s beliefs are harmful not just to them, but to our country and our world.

But two…right now, the “accepting” interfaith movement is full of hypocrisy. It’s totally fine for religious people in the interfaith movement to disagree about things – that’s the whole concept of interfaith work. But an atheist disagrees with them? Then they’re just being an asshole and need to shut up. We saw this sort of reaction with Everybody Draw Mohammed Day – when the atheists stood by their values, they were the ones in the wrong. They were the ones who needed to shut up lest they offend the others in the group.

A friend of mine who’s very active in getting atheists involved in interfaith says he agrees with me to an extent – but that he argues from practicality, while I’m arguing from idealism. He says atheist involvement in interfaith is just a way of sapping some resources from religion and getting our ideas out there. That we need to start setting up tax exempt Humanist chaplaincies, and get other government money that’s targeted toward religious volunteering groups.

Funny. I rather uphold the separation of church and state and remove tax exempt status and government funding of religion. Maybe that’s the dirtier, longer fight, but I think it’s ultimately the right one.

But that’s just me being an idealist.

Upcoming speaking schedule

…Yes, PZ’s post reminded me that I should do this. I’m not nearly as busy as he is, but I’m still pretty sure I overbooked myself for this quarter. Yikes.

4/22/2011
Eugene, OR
Alliance of Happy Atheists at the University of Oregon
God’s Lady Problem: Breaking up with abusive supernatural beings
7pm in Lawrence Hall room 177
Facebook event

5/7/2011
Kamloops, BC
Imagine No Religion Conference
Kamloops Centre for Rational Thought & CFI Okanagan
Registration required
Also featuring PZ Myers & Mr. Deity!
5/21/2011
Oakland, CA
American Atheists Rapture Regional Atheist Meet
Registration required
Also featuring Greta Christina, Mr. Deity, Matt Dillahunty & Rebecca Watson!

I’m not going to lie… the last one is a win-win situation. Most likely the rapture won’t happen, and we get to go neener neener at the people who predict the end of the world. But on the minuscule chance that we do get left behind, at least I’m stuck there with a bunch of awesome people. You know the party will be great!

And then I get to frantically finish up the quarter and have a relaxing, atheist-conference free June. I love doing this, but it’s hard juggling it with grad school. To celebrate, I’m seeing Tim Minchin…twice. Wooooooo!

Now, to figure out how I’m getting to Eugene since I’m currently still sans-car keys. This may be interesting.

EDIT: OMG OMG I FOUND MY SPARE CAR KEY! IT WAS…in my car. WTF. I literally screamed “WHY WOULD I PUT YOU THERE?!?!?!” when I found it in the valet key compartment. The locksmith is my new favorite person for unlocking my car for free. Plus he was quick to unlock my apartment on Saturday. Seattle people, I highly recommend Ballard Lock & Key.

To PZ Myers

I second your motion for this:

If there were any sense and justice in the world, the next atheist meeting I attend would be populated entirely with angry women looking to overthrow the temples of the patriarchy.

Godless Gal Smackdowncon. Who wouldn’t come?!

Feel free to discuss you dream speakers and events in the comments.

I’m torn

On one hand, I can totally get behind the message of this public announcement:

“Seattle Public Schools has been receiving numerous questions regarding the District’s policy on the celebration of religious holidays. We have a ‘Religion and Religious Accommodation’ policy, approved by the School Board in 1983, stating that ‘no religious belief or non-belief should be promoted by the School District or its employees, and none should be disparaged.'”

On the other hand, the thing they’re objecting to?

A local high school sophomore, Jessica, on a community service project was volunteering for a third-grade class at Seattle Public Schools. “At the end of the week I had an idea to fill little plastic eggs with treats and jelly beans and other candy, but I was kind of unsure how the teacher would feel about that,” said Jessica, reports MyNorthwest. “She said that I could do it as long as I called this treat ‘spring spheres.’ I couldn’t call them Easter eggs.”

…Alright, I know I’m a rabid militant extremist angry atheist and all, but even this seems a bit a silly to me.

For one, they’re certainly not spheres – and we wonder why math scores are so low.

But are Easter eggs even religious anymore? When I was a kid, I never really thought about spiritual dogma as I was checking under the couch – I just wanted some chocolate. Or maybe a dollar bill if I was really lucky. I think I may lump this in with singing about Santa Claus – something that maybe used to vaguely link to religion, but now is thrown around for entertainment purposes and happens to retain a historical name.

I do find it amusing that Christians are the ones flipping out about this. Pfftttt, like Easter eggs have anything to do with Christianity. Where are the angry emails from pagans?

EDIT: Apparently the Seattle Public Schools haven’t been able to verify this story yet, and the radio show where it was first presented is a conservative pundit. Who smells a manufactured controversy so people can make a stink about those evil atheists taking god out of our schools? (Thanks, Liz)

Well, *my* Ask an Atheist Day was uneventful

Today was National Ask an Atheist Day. The Secular Student Union at the University of Washington had a table out on Red Square. The result? We had seven people sign up for our mailing list. Two white haired, bearded professors laughed and gave us fist bumps. One guy asked what our favorite food was.

Guess Seattle doesn’t have much to ask atheists.

But Virginia Tech’s day wasn’t so peaceful:

Virginia Tech Police were called to the Drillfield Wednesday afternoon following a report of a student stabbing his own hand with a pen.

Police were called at 1:19 p.m. by a 911 call from a witness at the scene.

Alexander M. Huppert, a freshman university studies major, then assaulted an officer who approached to check his welfare, according to a police press release. After a short struggle with the officer and several witnesses, he was taken into custody.

The incident took place near a table promoting a local version of “Ask an Atheist Day.” The student group Freethinkers at Virginia Tech sponsored the table.

Witnesses said Huppert stood near the table for nearly an hour. Approaching the table, Huppert borrowed a pen and drew a circle with a cross inside on the back of his hand.

Nicole Schrand, a senior psychology major, said Huppert then asked students at the table to stab him in the cross with the pen to “prove to us God existed.” The students declined.

“We don’t believe in assaulting people,” Schrand said. “We’re very against assaulting people.”

Huppert then asked for the pen back, a request Schrand and other students declined. Seeing another pen, Huppert grabbed it and began stabbing himself in the back of the hand.

WTF?

Quotes revealed, with context

We have a winner! Chris Hayduk-Costa matched the atheists to their quotes correctly, with the following logic:

The only statements I can see Dawkins saying (as a result of his normal speech and reading of hatemail) are 1 and 4. From reading Jen’s blog for a year, I would only feel comfortable attributing 1 or 2 to her. Given the options already proven wrong (if I’ve gone through them properly) the above is the only answer left (assuming my assumptions hold obviously).

The answers, with context, as as follows:

1. “I feel like a prostitute!”

Said by Richard Dawkins, after finding out that 10 more students registered for the conference after finding out that they could effectively pay to have a private breakfast with him. Wish I had a recording.

2. “Now, back to buttfucking!”

Said by yours truly, after a conversation with Greta and JT about…well, buttfucking got sidetracked because JT had to make a phone call.

3. “Eat a bag of dicks!”

Said by JT Eberhard, after Greta was rubbing it in about how great being a lesbian is and how bad we have it. It was extra funny because he didn’t initially realize how that particular saying related to the situation at hand.

4. “Eat shit and die!”

Said by Greta Christina, after JT and I were whining about having to wake up at 7am to go have our private fancy breakfast with Richard Dawkins.

I love how most people correctly guessed that the only plausible thing for Dawkins to say was number 1, unless he was reading hate mail. But I love more that pretty much everyone assumed Greta had to be the one talking about buttfucking. I tricked you, mwahaha!

Atheist conferences are so fun.

Off to Boston tomorrow!

Though I’m technically not arriving until Friday. Yay cross country flights! I leave at 2:30pm and land at 1:10am. I’ll make sure to wake up my roommates as obnoxiously as possible as I bumble around our hotel room in the dark.

More importantly, why am I going to Boston? For the American Humanist Association annual conference! Wooooo!

I’ve heard nothing but good things about this conference from people who’ve attended in the past, so I’m super excited. I get to see my godless activist friends like Greta Christina, Debbie Goddard, Chris Stedman, Sharon Moss, Darrel Ray, and of course everyone from the SSA (August, Lyz, Jesse, JT, John, Shelley, and Leslie – phew, it’s like we have a miniature army!). I’m also looking forward to finally meeting people I’ve somehow missed so far, like Margaret Downey, Elisabeth Cornwell, Greg Epstein, and Roy Zimmerman.

Oh, and I heard something about student leaders getting a special breakfast with Richard Dawkins.
What am I doing there? The SSA is having a student leadership tract, and I’m going to be on a panel about increasing diversity in the secular movement along with Greta and Debbie. Yes, we get to tell everyone how not to fail when it comes to race, gender, and sexuality. Hopefully the in-person response to suggestions isn’t like the online response, or else I may be running from some pitchforks and torches.

Though I’m not going to lie…most exciting thing about this trip? I think JT and Greta and I are hunting down a place to do karaoke, and Chris Stedman promises me some gay bar birthday shenanigans.

My life is kind of awesome.

Best atheist conference ever

Greta Christina has the schedule up for the Very Big Atheist Conference of 2012, which will be held in Devil’s Corner, WI. I have to say, the lineup is amazing – you should check it out. I mean, Post-Diversity Panel Infuriated Smackdown and Horizontal Networking? So glad I’m a part of it.

Seriously though, go read it. I laughed my ass off.

…Is it bad that I’m disappointed this conference doesn’t exist?