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Sep 09 2012

Romney promises to protect a God

Eager to downplay the success of the 2012 DNC and anxious to put the gaffes and empty chairs of its counterpart behind him, Mitt Romney vowed to protect “God” this weekend to anyone with a camera or mic. It’s unclear if the GOP nominee was referring to the God he believes in, who will reward faithful Mormons like Romney with an exo-solar planet of their very own to rule in the quasi-afterlife, the Jesus-God-Ghost-human composite popular among Protestants and Catholics alike when they’re not trying to kill each other, or the ferocious deity that freed Moses and crushed Egypt. But I’d be willing to bet it’s not the God who spoke to Mohammed.

LA Times – “For me, the Pledge of Allegiance and placing our hand over our heart reminds us of the blood that was shed by our sons and daughters fighting for our liberty and sharing liberty with people around the world,” Romney said. “The pledge says ‘under God.’ I will not take God out of the name of our platform. I will not take God off our coins and I will not take God out of my heart. We’re a nation that’s bestowed by God.”

Sadly, neither will Obama. But on the bright side we may have finally found something Mitt Romney said in this campaign that’s completely believable and holds up when fact checked. Then again …

Shit … now I have to leave some wiggle room thanks to Romney’s penchant for lying and backtracking. Because it’s also entirely possible a tape will now pop up showing a younger, fitter Mittens devoutly swearing he will not tolerate any religious test and promising to keep religion out of whatever office he was running for at the time. “And on that you will not see me waver!”

14 comments

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  1. 1
    raven

    Mitt Romney vowed to protect “God”this weekend to anyone with a camera or mic.

    This is one of the more common and laughable memes of xians.

    They need to “help” and “protect” god.

    Why?

    According to their mythology god is the all powerful, omni-everything creator of the universe. The one who once got mildly annoyed with us and killed everyone but 8 people and destroyed the biosphere.

    Such a powerful creature should be able to protect himself. Their god is all powerful and everywhere but no one ever sees him and he does nothing.

  2. 2
    Argle Bargle

    But isn’t Romney’s god the one who drowned the entire world? Why does a deity like that need some mere human to protect him?

  3. 3
    Stephen "DarkSyde" Andrew

    Raven, omniscient all powerful beings need all the help they can get!

  4. 4
    grumpyoldfart

    Omniscient:
    Back in the early days he walked in the Garden in the cool of the evening and couldn’t find Adam and Eve so he called out “Where are you?” (Genesis 3:8)

    Omnipotent:
    He couldn’t help Joshua defeat the inhabitants of the valley “because they had chariots of iron.” (Judges 1:19)

  5. 5
    jnorris

    Staphen, especially as they get older, much, much older.

  6. 6
    Pierce R. Butler

    We’re a nation that’s bestowed by God.

    Upon whom?

  7. 7
    carpenterman

    Romney’s growing desperate. He’s appealing more and more to the Religious Right because they are the only votes he can really count on (besides rich people). He’s not trying to convince anyone he thinks may vote for Obama; he just wants to make sure they don’t stay home on election day.

  8. 8
    M can help you with that.

    We’re a nation that’s bestowed by God.

    Funny…here I thought the Constitution said that the nation was created by its people.

  9. 9
    busterggi

    I will defend Cthulhu with my last tentacle.

  10. 10
    d cwilson

    Of course, what Mittens really means is that he’ll protect people from being exposed to any informtion that might challenge their fragile belief in God.

  11. 11
    dobby

    Interesting that the Mormon Church is also a big business:

    http://www.businessweek.com/articles/2012-07-10/how-the-mormons-make-money

    Sounds like they are trying to take over the World.

  12. 12
    Randomfactor

    Sounds like they are trying to take over the World.

    This one’s spoken for. Why don’t they go get their own planet?

  13. 13
    Stephen "DarkSyde" Andrew

    They do, they just have to die first.

  14. 14
    naturalcynic

    “For me, the Pledge of Allegiance and placing our hand over our heart reminds us of the blood that was shed by our sons and daughters fighting for our liberty and sharing liberty with people around the world,”

    Ummmm, not your 5 sons, mittens, or you.

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